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The Great Escape

(719 Posts)
GoodtoBetter Fri 18-Jan-13 07:24:59

I thought I would start a new thread, for anyone who might be interested in listening to my waffling on about my struggles with a difficult, overbearing mother. Thank you to whoever it was who suggested the thread title! I've changed my name for something a bit more positive.
previous thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1565077-My-mother-hates-my-husband-long

GoodtoBetter Tue 23-Apr-13 12:00:13

Blood test came back and it sounds like hepatitis, which can be treated, so that's a relief. DM came with me (she's very fond of the dog) and was very kind. She wasn't wearing her crazy kaftan gear so I didn't say anything. Going to have a cup of tea and try to mentally get off the rollercoaster iyswim.

GoodtoBetter Tue 23-Apr-13 12:01:23

The reason they said cancer was they did an ultrasoud and say suspicious shadows on the liver, but the blood test came back normal, so looks like inflammation (hepatitis).

Jux Wed 24-Apr-13 16:16:52

Thank goodness.

WingDefence Tue 07-May-13 12:15:59

Hi GtB - hope it's all going well for you thanks

GoodtoBetter Tue 07-May-13 22:59:54

Hi Wingdefence Things are going OK. The dog is much better and things have been relatively calm with DM. Have to go to ed now as I'm knackered but will post again soon. How's things going with DC2?

WingDefence Wed 08-May-13 02:38:54

Pretty well, thanks for asking. I'm just glad to hear that things are calm your end smile

Lavenderhoney Wed 08-May-13 05:52:39

Hi, re the transparent short dresses- do you have an iPad? Film her with the dc in the bright sunlight in the garden, play it back and she will say " omg, my dress is completely see through and really short!!!"

And you can say " so it is! I didn't realise..."

Just a thought. Happened to my milsmile

GoodtoBetter Fri 10-May-13 09:30:51

So, I am back. DH is doing the fork lift course all day so I have no car, but I don't mind as it means I am forced to stay at home all morning. I'm looking forward to doing some boring housey things like sorting out the laundry and ironing and clearing out the pile of plastic crap kids' toy box and dyeing my hair and other stuff. It's a gorgeous day and the weather's heating up so I'm going to sort out my summer clothes and pack the winter ones away. DCs are at school and nursery, so it's peaceful grin. I haven't really had any time to just have a quiet morning at home since we moved in here. Took the dog for a walk this morning and felt so relaxed. Brilliant!
Things are going OK with the mad mother. On Saturday I was baking a cake and needed a couple of eggs so popped over to hers and she came back here and had a cup of tea and sampled the cake when finished. All very civilised. Then Sunday we popped out for a coffee in the park with her. All fine. Yesterday DD's nursery went on an "excursion" to the park behind DM's house, so I invited her along and she seemed to enjoy herself.
She was wittering on about the referendum in the UK about leaving Europe and is fretting that the UK will leave Europe and as a pensioner here using the reciprocal agreement between Spain and the UK (as part of the EU) that she'll not be entitled to health care here any more. (doesn't affect me as my health care here is based on me working and as I have been here so long and am married to a Spaniard I am entitled to Spanish citizenship if I wanted). I've said before that there's no point worrying about it as it's all based on a lot of ifs, but at least now I can just say that and the walk away, whereas before I'd have then been fretting about it myself or having to listen to her going on about it.
DH is on an economy drive (he does the shopping and cooking) as with DS' birthday and Easter and DB visiting etc we've gone over our budget recently. He's keeping a tally of expenditure and doing cheaper (but healthy meals).
Had an e mail from a translator friend about some courses she's running and I'm really pleased she's doing so well, but made me feel a bit sad that I couldn't make a go of it. But, gave myself a good metaphorical slap and a talking to and feel a lot better now. I have a job I mostly enjoy and, money in the bank and sometimes I get other income through translation. Also, she has 2 masters and a professional qualification, so not really fair to compare myself. If DH could get some reasonably stable work even at 1000 euros a month we'd be OK. Did my tax rebate and we're so poor we get 1800 euros back! Whoop whoop!
Anyway, better stop...I'm sure that was a very boring waffle. xx

Jux Fri 10-May-13 12:29:44

No, it was good to hear. Very jealous of your good weather as ours was here for a few days but has gone away again! How I would love to live somewhere where it was warm for more of the year than it was cold! envy

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 10-May-13 13:13:45

Me too Jux.

Hi Good nice to hear from you and not at all waffly or boring. You seem to be handling your mum's fluctuating moods far more smoothly. What an improvement! Btw like Lavenderhoney's idea re: sheerness of kaftan captured on film.

I could do with an economy drive myself - it is too easy to renew policies without checking competitors' rates. The shopping bill at the supermarket was awful this week I don't think we have especially lavish tastes.

My DSis sent an un-birthday gift yesterday so my immediate response was to look online for a little something to send her next month. How easily restraint flies out of the window! Perhaps I'd do better to get some 'treasures' sold on EBay.

Glad the dog is better smile.

Me too Jux and Donkey I would love to live somewhere sunny although dh would hate it as he burns in daylight grin.

Enjoy your day Good, but don't forget to just sit and enjoy the peace and quite in your home.

Donkey come over the misery may thread. It's all about cutting costs and saving money. As food shopping just getting to expensive even just the basic foods.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Fri 10-May-13 14:10:37

Thanks for the tip I'll take a meaningful lurk.

GoodtoBetter Fri 10-May-13 14:20:08

I love spring and autumn here but the real summer is horrible. July and August it's 40º and above every single day, so hot you can't sleep, can't go out anywhere with kids as it's so hot. If you go to the park you have to leave by about 1030am as it's too hot already. No air con in this house (and couldn't afford to run it anyway).

GoodtoBetter Sat 11-May-13 21:57:05

DM's 70th birthday tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Aussiebean Sat 11-May-13 22:41:06

Good luck. You are doing so well you will be fine.

WingDefence Sun 12-May-13 04:20:11

Good luck! Think how far you've come smile

GoodtoBetter Sun 12-May-13 15:19:59

It was all fine. DCs and I took her to a lovely nature park (with a duckpond and area with sheep, chickens, donkeys etc.) about 20 mins away. I'd made a dozen cupcakes (a packet job...only cost me 1.70 eur...bargain) and got DS to decorate with a million sprinkles the day before so we took those and a thermos of coffee. We had the cupcakes with the coffee on a picnic bench under the pines and put a little candle in one and DS helped blow it out. The place is lovely and really shady and we walked around and looked at the animals and had a good chat about the 5:2 diet as she's read about it and I've just restarted it. I'd got her a lovely rose and honeysuckle handcream and a pretty glasses case at a craft fair the week before and she really liked them. She said a couple of times she'd had a really lovely morning and that it had felt really special and a day to remember, which was great. Then we had the excuse of leaving at about half twelve as it's DD's 2nd bday on Tuesday so we went to see the PILs as they won't see her on the day, whereas DM can.
So, all in all it was very pleasant.

Jux Sun 12-May-13 15:26:40

Good luck! Hope it has all gone OK.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 12-May-13 15:57:44

Well, outing passed off without incident, excellent! Life must feel good, (knocks on wood surreptitiously).

GoodtoBetter Sun 12-May-13 16:09:39

I'm full of hayfever, but yes...life is good. I look back aghast at how we were living before really. Things aren't perfect, I could really do with a payrise, but no chance of that and dh really needs work, but not much on the horizon there either. Although, he did his fork lift course and he's heard on the grapevive that the company he used to work for may have won their contract back after losing it (but it's all a bit vague) so he got in touch with the guy who recruits for them to remind them he's around IYSWIM. If he had work, even only 1000euro take home, we'd be OK. Just a bit worrying skating by on my shit income alone. But we're doing what we can...my work know I'm interested in promotion and he's doing what he can to find work.
I'm a bit obsessed with what I can only describe as holiday daydreaming. blush. we can't really afford to go anywhere but, when we lived with DM she made it clear we "couldn't" go anywhere as she "couldn't cope on her own". It made me feel so trapped and depressed, to the extent that I rebelled and when an old friend got married in Amsterdam last May, I said we were going, come hell or high water. She even tried to get DB to come over for the week to "look after her". As it turned out she was fine and even drove while we were away. So, now we can go away I spend hours day dreaming and researching all these places we can't afford would like to go. smile. My latest one is visiting DB in Dublin.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 12-May-13 16:48:37

Oh I posted on that Dublin Q thread Good probably not very helpful but just a thought...

Forgot to ask how DH got on with his forklift training, fingers crossed he does hear from his old employers.

Hope you all have a good time on DD's birthday smile

GoodtoBetter Sun 12-May-13 16:55:55

Can't see your post Donkeys....what did you say?

GoodtoBetter Sun 12-May-13 16:56:14

on the Dublin thread I mean.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 12-May-13 23:46:35

Sorry that was Wed last but don't get hopes up blush Probably is useless in your circs but just mentioned that in some cities during the long summer vac, university accommodation is often available to rent so wondered if Dublin colleges had any such arrangements. Might be a tall order as far as young DCs are concerned.

Maybe the Dublin tourist board could offer suggestions re: B&Bs that are family friendly? Not quite the pampering hotel type option but more affordable.

GoodtoBetter Thu 20-Jun-13 10:28:56

Hello again. I did have a look at the uni accom idea but at the ages the DC are now, it's not really suitable. Some day.
We're still chugging along. I'm doing my last day's teaching of the summer term and then just parents evening x2 next week and then I'm on holiday til September!!! Unpaid after the first three weeks unfortunately but at least I can claim the dole. I was hoping to get a summer school but that hasn't come off and although I've been paid finally for the first book I did there's been no word of doing more, past a vague "well, there's no hurry". We'll see.
DH is still looking and looking for work and there's still nothing nothing nothing and we keep hearing of more and more contemporaries/friends losing theirs. sad. I'm going to write to agencies I've worked for in the past and see if I can pick up any bits of translation over the summer. We have got a fully subsidised nursery place (0€ a month) for DD next year, so that's good. We were paying a very small amount this year, but we're poor enough to pay nothing next year.

Going out tomorrow night for the big works do, a paid for slap up meal for all the staff in a swanky restaurant that I'd never be able to even have a coke in normally, so that should be fun.

DM has mostly been OK and when she's not I think I deal with it better. I invited her to DD's end of term nursery show and she got a bit funny as I'd thought she could sit, but then there were only 2 chairs per child and so I said DH and I wanted to watch and she could come in at the back and she got a bit "you KNOW I can't stand for more than a minute", which is fair enough, I hadn't handled it well, but she went on in a way a normal person wouldn't. Anyway she schlepped off all weepy, but when DD actually came on stage I rang DM and said "she's on now, pop over and watch her for a min". (she lives opposite). She did and apologised for any misunderstandings and that seemed to sort things out. I think now she knows I won't take any shit she gives in more quickly.

I still have to police myself not to offer myself too much or let myself be guilted into things, not to put her first above everyone else. It's a hard habit to fully break.

The hospital appointment she missed in December when she stormed off was supposed to be this week but has been changed again to August, when we were going away. I haven't mentioned us going away (although she knows we like to then, as we can go with DH's cousins) or me taking her to the appt. When it came through I was at her house and she started all the "I'm not going, there's no point, they can't do anything to help me..." So I just kept my mouth shut. I figure, if she wants to go she can actually get there on the train and if she doesn't want to then she can miss it, she's an adult and it's her choice. If there's a huge fuss, I'd even come back for the day (we'd only be an hour and a quarter), take her to the appt and drive back down to the beach. But, I'll see. it's up to her to organise and decide if she wants to go.

Still look back in amazement at the last three years and can't quite believe I put up with so much for so long and made poor DH put up with it too

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