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Which of these men should I get serious with??

(79 Posts)
2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 20:40:12

I've been dating 2 men for a while and am at the point where I need to make a choice!

Help me!

1. Mr Perfect on paper
PROS
He's kind, considerate, would fit in well with my family (I have a ds aged 3)
He treats me really well, not in a flamboyant way but is very thoughtful with little things.
We get on really well.
He's tall dark and handsome.
We have lots of similar interests and similar sense of humour.
We've known each other 7 years and he has good history! Is. "good egg".
No baggage
He's a very modern man so would do his 'fair share'.
Easy going and laid back. Sometimes I find him too laid back but I am highly strung so this is quite good for me.

CONS
What you see is what you get - this could be a pro but he isn't very 'deep' so I worry I may get bored.
I don't feel very sexually attracted to him.
He has a fairly good job but no real ambition.

2. Mr Gives me butterflies
PROS
I fancy him a LOT (shallow but he just makes me feel very... You know! blush)
He thinks I am amazing, beautiful and just adores me. (sounds big headed but I know this).
Similar careers so have this in common
Similar sense of humour
Similar interests
Great job and ambition

CONS
Don't know him as well - only met 6 months ago and only been on 12 dates (but I am counting!)
He has 2 kids and a difficult ex wife - I have a ds too so it's not a huge con but he does have more baggage so more complicated.
He's short! Shallow I know - not shorter than me but similar height!
His job takes him away overnight most weeks and brings him a moderate level of stress.

help me mumsnetters - I can't date them both anymore! It's just not right!

TDada Mon 21-Jan-13 22:38:21

Can't argue with either.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Mon 21-Jan-13 21:27:48

Just carry on as you are. You will have more fun doing that than if you try to force yourself into choosing. Monogamy and commitment are a waste of the one life we have not compulsory - as long as you let both men know that you are not, currently, looking for an exclusive relationship, shag them both and enjoy them both until one or both relationships runs its course.

TDada Mon 21-Jan-13 21:21:20

Ought as opposed to out

TDada Mon 21-Jan-13 21:19:25

I think that you really out to have an exclusive trial week with each man including road test to see how they wear.

2men1decision Sun 20-Jan-13 07:37:37

His ex and I have a couple of mutual friends so I am aware (not through him) that she is a bit difficult - but as I said i guess its just cause she is hurt as she didnt want the marriage to end. There would be no chance of me meeting the dcs yet - waaaay too soon.

Liking the idea of apprentic style selection! Or just shagging them both and then deciding - though I'm not going to do that!

I do agree with the comments that number 1 would make a "better" husband. But if I dont fancy him then I guess there is my answer...

badinage Sat 19-Jan-13 20:47:42

I think I'd bin No. 1 because if there's no chemistry, it's doomed - and it's too big an area to compromise on.

I'd probably date No. 2 but try to hold on to my heart and be a bit more sceptical about his tales of the 'difficult' exW who doesn't want any time to herself. The only time I've heard of women who are reluctant to let their kids stay with dad is if there's a chance they are going to be introduced to the woman he left for. You say that's not you, so makes me wonder if there is/ was someone else in the picture. Most mums want a break and are rarely difficult about contact just for the sake of it.

MarilynValentine Sat 19-Jan-13 20:05:45

Oh, you know you're going to go for no.2! You're just relishing the chance to have a rom-com style dilemma grin You're only human!

It may end in tears with no.2. There's something you aren't sure about and I bet it isn't just his tricky ex. Seems your instincts are jangling a little. But I think your attraction to him has made your decision.

If no.2 wasn't on the scene you might have got together with no.1 and found yourself thinking, hmmm, why doesn't this feel like it's enough?

Good luck with no.2, hope it works out smile

MarianneM Sat 19-Jan-13 19:58:02

One more thought: how do you know his ex is difficult - because he told you? Always be wary of men who speak unkindly of their ex-partners!

superstarheartbreaker Sat 19-Jan-13 19:55:45

TBH I don't think the height is an issue with number 2; you obviously fancy him the most. He sounds great on paper. Ok he has an ex wife who is a pain;' I think that is what is freaking you out the most but you can't let her put you off someone who you obviously have chemistry with.

MarianneM Sat 19-Jan-13 19:55:24

Also, I think ambition is not always good. Ambitious career guys don't necessarily make such great husbands...

My lovely DH is at present a SAHP and a wonderful father to our DDs and a kind and thoughtful husband to me.

Think long term!

MarianneM Sat 19-Jan-13 19:48:48

Your No 1 sounds just like my DH (except that I find him attractive!).

I seriously would go for this guy - nice guys, "good eggs" are were it's at. We've been together almost 15 years and he is still the best man I've ever known.

I think women sometimes don't feel (initially) attracted to nice guys. I do!

And remember that the initial attraction you feel for the other guy will wear out.

Also, you must have something in common/good rapport with No 1 if you've been friends 7 years!

superstarheartbreaker Sat 19-Jan-13 19:48:07

Oh gosh...don't go for number 1 if you don't fancy him. I kind of have this dilemma atm so I know what you mean.

Nancy66 Sat 19-Jan-13 18:59:59

Shag No2....and then make your decision wink

TDada Sat 19-Jan-13 17:43:30

run one day task oriented selection process a la Apprentice smile.

dequoisagitil Sat 19-Jan-13 13:44:43

Number 1 is no good. There needs to be sexual attraction. Why would you even consider sleeping with or going long-term with someone you don't actively want to shag? Let him down gently.

I'd see where number 2 goes but not necessarily see it as long-term or serious, 12 dates isn't enough to know.

DopamineHit Sat 19-Jan-13 12:39:17

As pointed out often you can't get seriously involved with 1 if you're not sexually attracted. Apart from anything else it's not very fair on him.

I'd also be wary of 2. Having a "difficult ex wife" is often shorthand for "difficult relationship with ex wife". Usually it takes two people to make a difficult relationship.

Strangemagic Sat 19-Jan-13 08:26:11

Neither,after 6 months you still haven't made a move one way or another.

2men1decision Sat 19-Jan-13 08:07:53

Yeah you're right. In the back of my mind I just worry number 2 will break my heart and then I'll be thinking "why did I let mr nice guy go?"

No - nothing happened before he left home

AgnesBligg Fri 18-Jan-13 23:40:18

Oh look number 2 is the obvious contender.

number 1 is nice but dull, it'll never go the distance even if you try and force it to. He isn't sexy (to you) end of.

ImperialBlether Fri 18-Jan-13 23:26:35

You can't possibly think of a serious long term relationship with someone you don't fancy. It just won't work and you will feel a real bitch finishing with him.

TDada Fri 18-Jan-13 22:50:31

Have you considered agreeing with them to time share. They might agree and thereby you can have it all. Why not?

glastocat Fri 18-Jan-13 20:49:03

Number 2. If you don't want to shag number one, he's a non runner.

something2say Fri 18-Jan-13 18:17:57

I too would go for number 2. As I did up my high heels and got all excited for that hot date and thought about snogging him!! Have fun!!!

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Fri 18-Jan-13 18:11:50

For me beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I would much rather be with someone who was 5'8" than 6'4" if they were more fun, intelligent and witty.

I think the one that really floats your boat is number 2, but he is a bit risky compared to number one.

I would definitely get bored with someone who was not deep.

For clarity, it would have to be number 2 for me.

Difficult for me to even choose though!!!

badinage Fri 18-Jan-13 18:09:01

It sounds like No. 2 and you had a big flirtation going on before he left his wife. Did anything happen between you before he left home?

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