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Which of these men should I get serious with??

(79 Posts)
2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 20:40:12

I've been dating 2 men for a while and am at the point where I need to make a choice!

Help me!

1. Mr Perfect on paper
PROS
He's kind, considerate, would fit in well with my family (I have a ds aged 3)
He treats me really well, not in a flamboyant way but is very thoughtful with little things.
We get on really well.
He's tall dark and handsome.
We have lots of similar interests and similar sense of humour.
We've known each other 7 years and he has good history! Is. "good egg".
No baggage
He's a very modern man so would do his 'fair share'.
Easy going and laid back. Sometimes I find him too laid back but I am highly strung so this is quite good for me.

CONS
What you see is what you get - this could be a pro but he isn't very 'deep' so I worry I may get bored.
I don't feel very sexually attracted to him.
He has a fairly good job but no real ambition.

2. Mr Gives me butterflies
PROS
I fancy him a LOT (shallow but he just makes me feel very... You know! blush)
He thinks I am amazing, beautiful and just adores me. (sounds big headed but I know this).
Similar careers so have this in common
Similar sense of humour
Similar interests
Great job and ambition

CONS
Don't know him as well - only met 6 months ago and only been on 12 dates (but I am counting!)
He has 2 kids and a difficult ex wife - I have a ds too so it's not a huge con but he does have more baggage so more complicated.
He's short! Shallow I know - not shorter than me but similar height!
His job takes him away overnight most weeks and brings him a moderate level of stress.

help me mumsnetters - I can't date them both anymore! It's just not right!

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:25:35

We only started dating 6 weeks ago... Knew each other properly for 6 months before we started dating. The reason we waited was due to his ex and the situation there. We had worked together a while before but didn't really know each other then iykwim

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:26:47

If 1 wasn't on the scene I would be VERY excited about 2

lastSplash Thu 17-Jan-13 21:26:52

Number 1, but why not carry on as you are for a bit? That way you get to have fun with number 2 until it (inevitably) passes that honeymoon hormone-driven bit...

ethelb Thu 17-Jan-13 21:27:16

No 1. I think he makes you happy and it sounds like no 2 is just a diversion as you have slightly cold feet wink

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:28:28

Don't think I can carry on - I want some sex! Can't be sleeping with them both... Although actually I only really want to sleep with number 2...

wannaBe Thu 17-Jan-13 21:31:23

hmmm. how many women would be happy to be one of two? imagine if a man was posting this, he would be branded a cheating bastard.

kalidanger Thu 17-Jan-13 21:33:36

Are you sure no 2's ex really is as 'difficult' as he says she is? It's often (OFTEN) said that a man's person's attitude toward their ex can tell you a lot about their general attitude to relationships. This might matter, might not.

KumquatMae Thu 17-Jan-13 21:34:01

What ethelb said. When I met my now DP I was seeing someone else whom I was totally in lust with, it was like an addiction. I liked loads of things about DP but couldn't keep away from the other guy. Then we made a mutual decision to end it, he didn't want anything serious and I did. Met up with now DP again and now I had allowed myself to, I fell completely head over heels for him. We're still blissfully happy 4 years on. I had convinced myself that nobody else could match up to the other guy, when in reality DP had hundreds more good points I just wasn't letting myself see them.

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:37:22

It's funny no-one's mentioned the lack of sexual attraction to number 1. I lurk on r'ships board a fair bit and people are often saying that lack of sexual attraction prohibits long term happy relationships...

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:37:56

I mention that as its something which has been concerning me...

Difficult ex-wife you say? Chances are he once made her feel beautiful, amazing and just adored, so much so she married and had two children with him. I'd be interested to know what she thinks of him now....

KumquatMae Thu 17-Jan-13 21:38:40

wannaBe I think its a bit different when you're just dating and seeing where it goes. OP has said they may know about one another, and presumably if they asked she would tell them? Its not like being in a dedicated relationship. When I was dating both of the guys knew that was going on. Now DP (cocky bastard) was fine with it because he said he knew I would choose him in the end, and the other guy didn't want a proper serious relationship and said it would be unfair of him to ask me not to see anyone else.

sarahseashell Thu 17-Jan-13 21:43:58

so what are you going to do- ditch 2 and then have sex with no 1 who you don't fancy confused
perhaps date them both but don't settle for either?
but it sounds like you just want to have sex with 2 so why not do that, ditch 1, who you don't fancy anyway, and then just see where it goes with 2, find out more details about the ex wife etc as time goes on

Flojobunny Thu 17-Jan-13 21:48:55

Ah but OP, I have dated guys before and been unsure about the chemistry or lack of it, but once I've actually take it to that next level and gone for it and had sex with them, my mind has completely changed and I realise I do actually fancy the pants off them.
Likewise you might sleep with No. 2 and realise he is completely crap and plain weird in bed!

NomNomDePlumPudding Thu 17-Jan-13 21:49:07

i don't understand it either - if you don't want to shag no.1, you don't want no.1. a partner, temporary or otherwise, is not like a qualification - it doesn't matter what he looks like on paper.

shag no.2, and don't assume anything will come of it, that's my advice.

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 21:49:13

Ex is difficult when it comes to him seeing the children alone. She doesn't like them being away overnight but he wants to have them stay a this from time to time. She's not hugely toxic or anything. Just hurt I think. She didn't want to split up (even though she was openly miserable). I feel bad for her really.

ninah Thu 17-Jan-13 21:59:36

send no 1 my way please

2men1decision Thu 17-Jan-13 22:04:22

A lot of women would kill for number 1 - why don't I feel like that?

susanann Thu 17-Jan-13 22:12:03

because hes not right for YOU

Flojobunny Thu 17-Jan-13 22:19:42

Yes I'll take No. 1 thankyou....and if that doesn't make you want to grab him and run, there's your answer.

ArtsMumma Fri 18-Jan-13 03:09:05

I think you like no 2 and want him and you feel like you are being unreasonable by turning down no1 because he seems perfect on paper. He isnt perfect for YOU. So even if there was no-one else on the scene, it wouldn't last. Now, things might not work out with no2, but they might. So it seems to me like no2 is the only option. Thats what you want us all to say! You know it!

Wecanfixit Fri 18-Jan-13 06:40:33

No 2 it seems obvious to me he make you feel something ! but your decision life is short if your looking for security you would pick 1 , but if you want passion fun and a friend it is 2 good luck nice to have the choice!

Branleuse Fri 18-Jan-13 06:54:39

Neither. Number 1 sounds boring. Number 2 sounds like hes still married

As for height. My dp is a similar height to me. I thought it might put me off before I properly met him, but it doesnt actually make the slightest difference.

Branleuse Fri 18-Jan-13 06:56:54

please please dont go for the one youre not actually attracted to. Not fair on either of you. Good on paper is fine if youre hiring someone for a contract. Not for a relationship where I presume youll be pretending youre passionate about him.

Whichever one is the best shag.

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