Mumsnet Talk

I've been dating 2 men for a while and am at the point where I need to make a choice!

Help me!

1. Mr Perfect on paper
PROS
He's kind, considerate, would fit in well with my family (I have a ds aged 3)
He treats me really well, not in a flamboyant way but is very thoughtful with little things.
We get on really well.
He's tall dark and handsome.
We have lots of similar interests and similar sense of humour.
We've known each other 7 years and he has good history! Is. "good egg".
No baggage
He's a very modern man so would do his 'fair share'.
Easy going and laid back. Sometimes I find him too laid back but I am highly strung so this is quite good for me.

CONS
What you see is what you get - this could be a pro but he isn't very 'deep' so I worry I may get bored.
I don't feel very sexually attracted to him.
He has a fairly good job but no real ambition.

2. Mr Gives me butterflies
PROS
I fancy him a LOT (shallow but he just makes me feel very... You know! )
He thinks I am amazing, beautiful and just adores me. (sounds big headed but I know this).
Similar careers so have this in common
Similar sense of humour
Similar interests
Great job and ambition

CONS
Don't know him as well - only met 6 months ago and only been on 12 dates (but I am counting!)
He has 2 kids and a difficult ex wife - I have a ds too so it's not a huge con but he does have more baggage so more complicated.
He's short! Shallow I know - not shorter than me but similar height!
His job takes him away overnight most weeks and brings him a moderate level of stress.

help me mumsnetters - I can't date them both anymore! It's just not right!

Oh, and mr "gives me butterflies" and I can talk, talk and talk. BUT I haven't known him nearly as long so that could be why!

I would go for one I think.

The spark with number 2 may fizzle out. I know it's a tough decision and hard for a stranger to comment... but based on what you have written no 1 sounds more 'long term' somehow.

What does your 'gut' tell you?

number 2. Do they know you're dating them both?

PS I may be biased as I have recently been seeing a 'no 1' type and it felt great - but he let me down and it all ended very abruptly and I was heartbroken.

Next time I will be looking for long term 'slower burn' 'nice' person.

Number 2 but unless they know you have made a bad start with both cheating!

Sorry I meant to say I have been seeing a 'no 2' type and he was the one who let me down.

They may know, we haven't had the "exclusive" conversation but I haven't pro actively told them.

I'm aware he spark with #2 may fizzle out. But the never was really a spark with #1, but he is great long term potential on paper and had many of the qualitites I admire in a man.

I am very confused though!

Neither.

Have fun and enjoy both of them for what each of them brings you (just be open about it) but carry on looking for one who is right.

no 1 being good 'on paper' is no good to you IMO

12 dates seems pretty serious.

Neither. Wait for one who is right for you. If you have to ask which you should pick then neither is for you. IMO

Is mr no. 2 a work colleague?
If yes, I'd stop seeing him personally.

Number 2 and i worked together a couple of years ago but don't work together now.

Why are some people saying 'neither'? Are their cons too big? No-one is perfect, right?

Neither. If you picked either one you would be 'settling'.
Why should settle if you don't have to?

OP people are saying that because if he seemed like 'mr right' you'd be straight in there and not having this debate, listing pros and cons etc

True. Pause for thought then!

I only skimmed your list of points so don't actually know what their pros and cons are. But I just think that if either one was good enough then you wouldn't need to ask which you should choose.

Both are fine for dating but if one doesn't jump out at you then you shouldn't get serious with either. (again, imo)

And I'm far from being someone who believes in 'the one'.

How short is no 2? I would go for him if it was me.

No 2 is probably 5 ft 8. I am 5ft6

They say neither because if you liked no 1 enough you wouldn't be dating no 2, and if no 2 was the one for you, you wouldn't be having this debate.

5ft 8 is fine, thought he might have been shorter.

6 months and you are only dating? Can't be that much of a spark then if you haven't made it to the bedroom yet!

weeellllll

taller than you = not too short!
If no 1 wasn't on the scene, how would you feel about no 2 do you think? are you just feeling reluctant to go for it with 2 because of some notion that you have to have known someone for ages, references and so on before you get involved, based on the thing with 1?