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Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

(369 Posts)
uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:33:14

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact...so I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

Were you contemplating a relationship with him? If so, I suspect he got cold feet for some reason when he realised you were getting interested. If not, why worry?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 12-Jan-13 11:05:25

Obsessed.. really... yes. When you're clocking which direction people are looking, taking offence if they don't pass you in the corridor (or whatever it was) and making judgement calls on something as ridiculous as the way they are flapping their arms that goes WAY beyond 'noticing'.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:05:37

And again, sorry.

I didn't actually think there was any problem with parents being interested or involved with a teacher?

As far as I could tell from discussions with (albeit, newly qualified) teacher friends of mine, it's not the same being a teacher dating a parent as it is, for example, a doctor being innapproprately involved with a patient.

This teacher did keep saying he was "a person as well as a teacher", so I didn't see the problem.

ivykaty44 Sat 12-Jan-13 11:07:02

he was flirting with you - you gave him the cold shoulder treatment - he now keeps his distance

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:07:37

Well, it was one of those "I think he likes me, if he did I'd go for a drink with him..but I doubt I'm his type anyway" kind of things.

I didn't take offence at him not passing me in the corridor, it was the blatantly walking off when I'm approaching,a nd coming back the minute I've gone that bothered me! And does no one notice when someone is looking over at them a lot?!

Anniegetyourgun Sat 12-Jan-13 11:09:11

Well, if it was a Mills & Boon, he would be avoiding eye contact because he fancied the OP too, too much. And one day some strange accident would happen in the broom cupboard so he would have to declare his feelings and he would turn out to be the man of her dreams.

IRL he's most likely just a bit of a knob thinking with his 'ormones. Hmm, nice looking mum, have a sly peep. Oh look, even nicer looking mum (by his standards at least), let's peep at that one instead. Silly games. Best not to get drawn in.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:10:19

Oh and not to sound like a bitch (just explaining myself), the 'flapping arms' - I noticed that purely because a couple of years ago when I liked someone, I used to get really self conscious and ended up looking a dick, basically - I did that thing of "better act like I don't fancy the pants off him" and ended up making it really obvious because I'd be walking differently, wandering around and faffing about to make it look like I was busy and hadnt noticed him.

I don't do that any more, but that's how he seemed to be acting so that's why I came to the conclusion I did.

dequoisagitil Sat 12-Jan-13 11:10:30

I don't think there's any prohibition on teachers getting involved with parents, but if anything were to happen it'd be less complicated once your child was in a different class.

bestsonever Sat 12-Jan-13 11:11:16

Maybe he picks a woman to flirt with, then after a while moves onto the next one. It could of been just 'your turn' and now he's doing the same to this other woman and you are feeling left out and wondering why. Best not to do your head in wondering. It is what it is, just move on yourself perhaps.
He's already treating you differently than a random parent who never had his interest, which could effect your LO's education somewhat as she is in his class. This shows why it's best not to get personally involved with a teacher who is head of a DC's class, not really fair on them if communication suffers because of it. You seem to have escaped a raging flirt who is also unprofessional and, as his altered treatment of you shows, also lacking in maturity.

Maryz Sat 12-Jan-13 11:12:10

[arf]

This is the type of conversation I used to have with my dd.

Now she is a mature 16 year old she has grown out of it grin and treats boys as people, not possible flirtations.

Come on, really. Just stop. If he liked you (nothing to do with "fancied" you [bleurgh]) enough to overcome the parent/teacher embarrassment he would have asked you out. He didn't. Move on.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:12:58

Fair enough having a look at people that may or may not be attractive to him, but literally every member of staff in that school is friendly, says hi to me when they see me or has a quick chat if they have time.

He is the only one that is now totally blanking me.

He could at least stay at the school gate, so I could walk my children down rather than having to leave them at the top of the driveway! :/

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 12-Jan-13 11:14:32

Oh FFS just act normal and ignore the silly, swivelly-eyed, flap-armed tit....

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:16:14

I would just like to say (Maryz) that I am still maintaining the professional distance when on school premises.

If I was giggling manically when I saw him or - as I said previously - hanging around him then fair enough, that could be considered childish.

But I'm acting as I always have, HE is the one acting totally differently to how he was before; and as the other parent seemed to notice then it's obviously not just my imagination.

I just get pissed off when a supposed professional starts acting like a 12 year old. At least I'm coming on here and acting like a teenager, rather than doing it in school! smile

trustissues75 Sat 12-Jan-13 11:17:39

Honestly Id just put it down to him being a player and leave it at that, shrug it off and ignore. However...if he's your Dc teacher and its going to affect the professional relationship the that needs to be addressed...a third party noticing someone's rude behaviour indicates that he really is acting inappropriately. What if you need to communicate something important concerning dc?

EggInABap Sat 12-Jan-13 11:24:00

You DO seem a bit stalker-ish. I think he was happy to flirt with you but has clocked on to your obsession with him and is now scared! He doesn't want to encourage you further.

If I were you I'd stop helping out at the school just to be near him, that's what it sounds like!

Bluebell99 Sat 12-Jan-13 11:24:14

So you have been avoiding eye contact with your child's teacher for weeks or months and now he seems to be actively avoiding you? And you are wondering why?! To be honest, if someone consistently was avoiding eye with me, I would probably try to evade contact with them. It sounds like you have a crush on him and to be honest , it sounds one sided. I remember having a crush like that on a teacher when I was a teenager. blush

TheSecondComing Sat 12-Jan-13 11:25:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roughtyping Sat 12-Jan-13 11:34:39

I have to agree with Bluebell. I'm a teacher and if any parent was noticeably avoiding eye contact etc around me, I'd be very self conscious and would think they probably were too and would go out of my way not to upset/stress them.

And the assembly thing - have you ever watched the Limmy show? Whole sketch about catching someone's eye, repeatedly, and how awkward it becomes...

And I laugh with parents! Is that not allowed?

Honestly. The whole thing just sounds a bit odd. Don't stress about it, it's nothing big really! smile

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 11:35:08

You want honest????? You sound about 12.
Do you know that even if the head teacher gets a whiff of something even starting between you, he would lose his job. If something did happen between you he would lose his job and never work again. I've actually seen it happen (young pretty teacher and a dad).
Basically, get out a bit more- why are you eyeing up a teacher in your child's assembly......eyes on your child woman!!!!!!!!

Fairenuff Sat 12-Jan-13 11:35:55

Thank God for the common sense on this thread. Until I got to Cognito's first post I was thinking wtf?

Firstly, what you describe doesn't even sound like flirting, it's called being friendly. Laughing together? God forbid! Half the people at work must fancy me rotten.

If every time you walk past him you have your eyes firmly fixed on the ground he probably does think you're a right nutter. A lot of the time you do seem to be making excuses for reasons to talk to him/see him.

And he seems to be trying to avoid you, so take a hint and leave him alone. If you happen to pass him just say good morning and carry on. At parents evening talk about your child.

HeyHoHereWeGo Sat 12-Jan-13 11:37:19

I am missing something.
Are you single and available?
Do you fancy him?

Is it - man likes woman, fusses around her sort of flirting but she avoids him and does not flirt back. He then stops himself fancying her but is a bit stiff around her for a short while.

Is that not it?
Where does the drama come from?
You DO like him but you are too shy?
You are married and outraged?

What have I missed?

mammadiggingdeep Sat 12-Jan-13 11:40:42

Maybe you've missed it's a parent/teacher relationship and CANNOT be more otherwise the teacher would lose his job. Most heads would consider this gross misconduct.

RoomForASmallOne Sat 12-Jan-13 11:50:18

Brutally honest??

Sounds like you fancy him and want us to encourage you to ask him out.

ObscuredByClouds Sat 12-Jan-13 11:50:58

Not sure he would lose his job but it would be awkward and professionally it's a bit of a grey area. I do know teachers who have dated parents, it does happen. It's a bit messy though and probably best avoided.

HDee Sat 12-Jan-13 11:52:14

OP, you sound like a fruitloop, sorry. Get a grip, please.

I despise this over-analysis of every spoken word and body movement.

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