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Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

(369 Posts)
uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:33:14

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact...so I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

uhohwhathaveidone Tue 15-Jan-13 12:32:45

Why on earth has this been started back up again?!

And mimi - I don't feel lonely, or needy...for the record.

Everyone can misinterpret things, whether it's from a teacher or the guy in the corner shop - teachers HAVE dated parents before, so why you seem to be implying that teachers are immune to liking a parent just because of their particular line of work, I don't know.

As I said though, I misread things. Why does that make me psycho

PostBellumBugsy Tue 15-Jan-13 12:37:26

LOL - you only started the thread on Saturday - didn't you know these things can run for weeks! grin

uhohwhathaveidone Tue 15-Jan-13 12:40:52

Yes...but I got told to stop posting as I was also considered psycho for - not only misreading some apparently innocent 'signs' but also for being on here a lot; so I leave it alone and still people are posting!

Although just to make the point again Mimi - it's not impossible to pass someone 5 or so times in 5 hours, because as I keep saying I was CLEARING OUT THE STOREROOM - which involved me filling boxes of crap, taking them to the bins at the other side of the school, and as it was only me doing it...I had to make a lot of trips. How is that so difficult to believe?!

I have said it's a small school with only one main corridor; however this teacher's classroom was around a couple of corners from where I was, so no - I couldn't have been watching him unless my eyes are out on (very looong) stalks!

I was getting on with my job, as was he; and our paths crossed a few times. Simple as that.

countrykitten Tue 15-Jan-13 22:08:46

Oh Lord...the weird and self deluding justification goes on. And on. And on.

MarilynValentine Tue 15-Jan-13 23:09:37

Great idea to fuck up your children's schooling by having them move schools because a male teacher doesn't fancy you.

Also - do jack in the volunteering, it may ruin your future prospects but this weighty issue must come first.

uhohwhathaveidone Wed 16-Jan-13 13:26:42

Sigh.

He hasn't been at school all this week, anyway - so he's probably quit. Who knows/cares.

musicismylife Wed 16-Jan-13 13:30:49

Why would he act this way?

Why do a lot of fucking men act this way?

Mind games is all.

Grrrbloodyuni Wed 16-Jan-13 17:42:12

Why would he act this way?

Why do a lot of fucking men act this way?

Mind games is all.

<Knods in agreement>

Just ignore him if he's still about. He sounds very immature- I pity the kids in his care TBH.

alistron1 Wed 16-Jan-13 19:27:59

If he'd shagged the OP, promised her the world, dumped her then blanked her THAT would be worrying. On the basis of the OP and the many, subsequent detailed posts I can only advise her to get a hobby or something. The whole thing is ridiculous and it's not the teachers who is immature.

Note to self: in assemblies keep eyes down at all times in case any dads think I'm flirting with them.

countrykitten Wed 16-Jan-13 21:28:10

This poor guy has done nothing wrong that I can see ( bar being polite and pleasant to parents) so why the stupid knee jerk 'all men are twats' pots? Unnecessary and annoying.

Grrrbloodyuni Thu 17-Jan-13 11:49:21

As a teacher, he should keep a professional stance while in his role. Part of his job involves making parents feel at ease with school staff- getting into a situation where he is now sending a parent to Coventry is not good, whether it was a mutual flirtation turned sour or a misinterpretation on the part of the OP that he is now trying to squash.

countrykitten Thu 17-Jan-13 11:54:01

How do you know he is doing this? I would say that the OP has proven herself to be a rather unreliable judge of this situation altogether. As a teacher, I feel very sorry for him.

Maryz Thu 17-Jan-13 13:08:06

How on earth is any of this his fault confused?

uhohwhathaveidone Thu 17-Jan-13 13:47:31

Just to say - countrykitten (and Maryz) - aren't you also just taking my word for things and judging me/him on the interpretation I've given, as well?

As I said, he hasn't been at school all week or if he'll be back, but at the end of the day he WAS acting differently towards me than the other parents (it wasn't just me that noticed, like I said); as it turns out, that was because he obviously thought I was a freak from the very second he saw me...and not because he was attracted to me in the slightest.
My bad, I admit - but I DO think that visibly avoiding me wasn't the thing to do - if he had such a problem with me that he felt uncomfortable doing his job whilst I was around, then surely he should've spoken to the Head and let them sort ot out - whether that was by having a word with me, or some other solution?

Not trying to place blame, at all - just saying.

Grrrbloodyuni Thu 17-Jan-13 15:39:19

I doubt he thought you were a freak.

I can see exactly why you thought what you did- the doubling back to look at you etc, etc is beyond eyes meeting occasionally stuff.

I also agree that sending you to Coventry is immature. If the kids in his class started doing it, he would be obliged to treat it as bullying.

Maryz Thu 17-Jan-13 15:43:06

You are trying to place blame.

Throughout all this you have tried to blame him.

And you do sound rather smug about the fact that he hasn't been back - not one word of concern for him hmm. It's still all "me, me, me".

littlehankiehead Thu 17-Jan-13 16:41:48

I'm sorry, but I think the way the OP has been treated on his thread is really horrible, and bullying. She posted in good faith about an issue that is important to her and giving her concern and she's been sneered at, abused and made to feel I imagine pretty stupid and awful. She's even been told she has mental health issues. Just disgusting, really.

Regardless of whether the OP has misread the situation or not, there is no excuse for this hideous kind of bullying. It's Mumsnet at its worst. Just because someone asks for a brutally honest opinion, it's not an open opinion to abuse and ridicule them.

And UnderSailing, you are hinting that your child attends the same school as the OPs. If that IS true, why say anything, and add to the OP's paranoia? What do you hope to achieve? And if you're winding her up, well that's seriously fucked up.

littlehankiehead Thu 17-Jan-13 16:44:14

PS OP, I really, really advise you to walk away from this thread, for your own sanity, it's not going to help you.

littlehankiehead Thu 17-Jan-13 16:44:58

open invitation, not opinion!

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