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Need brutally honest opinions and advice please, before I send myself insane!

(369 Posts)
uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:33:14

Ohh...I've messed up, I think.

Long story short (ish!), I have children in a local primary school. One of my children has a rather cute teacher who is only a year or two older than me, and I thought he might have a bit of a 'thing' for me - just from little things that I've probably over analysed and turned into something from nothing!

Basically it was just things like we've had quite a few meetings since September, and I thought I picked up a bit of chemistry as he had a twinkle in his eye, seemed to have this half smile on his face a lot of the time while he was talking to me, looked over at me a lot (during assemblies where the parents are invited, he would be looking in my direction a lot; I noticed out of the corner of my eye, and when I looked over at my child the teacher would suddenly look at my child too, as if he'd followed my gaze), a few times I walked past him on my way to the school office, and when I looked over at him his eyes would dart away, as if he'd been looking at me, he always seemed quite 'aware' of himself when I was around; when I like someone (or hate them!) I tend to try and act normal, but get it wrong and end up overemphasising my movements; he'd do this and once I was in the office (I volunteer in school sometimes), he walked past the window, then backed up, looked around the room for a few seconds (it's used as a storeroom and I was the only one in there) then glanced at me and walked off.

Anyway - he suddenly went a bit colder towards me; I have kept acting the same way, which mostly consists of when I have to walk past him in the mornings, making sure I'm talking to my children so my eyes are focused on them and I don't have to look at him (too shy!), only talking to him when I have to, pretty much ignoring him and avoding eye contact...so I don't get why his behaviour suddenly changed.

All of a sudden, he's laughing and joking with everyone else (literally), and not even saying hello to me, let alone laughing and joking! Now, anytime he sees me approaching the school gate with my children, he'll turn and go into the playground out of sight. Thought I was imagining it, but on the days I've sent the kids in on their own and 've stayed out of sight, he keeps his feet firmly rooted outside the gate and never goes into the playground!

He even ignored me yesterday...went to pick my child up, child came out upset over something so as there was only me and one other mum left in the playground, I though I'd quickly ask the teacher what was wrong with LO; he was looking in my direction as I was walking, yet when I got 6 feet away from him, he suddenly turned and went back into the classroom! The other mum looked at me and then him with a "what the...?" face and I was mortified!

So - sorry for the essay - bad gramma/punctuation is due to me trying to keep this as brief as possible - but I really need to know what's going on.

Why would he act this way; did I get it wrong when I thought he liked me, or could I have inadvertently done something to upset or annoy him, do you think?

lemonstartree Sat 12-Jan-13 10:35:41

I think yo are over thinking this. How could you have 'annoyed' him ? Chillax

sooperdooper Sat 12-Jan-13 10:37:01

He probabaly realised that flirting with one of the parents isn't very professional and that if anyone more senior clocked it he might get in trouble, so he backed off a bit. Maybe someone even said something to him about it?

I think you should do the same, do you even know if he's single?

AThingInYourLife Sat 12-Jan-13 10:40:26

I think if a third party noticed how rude he was that there is probably an issue.

What you can do about it is another matter.

Forget about him "liking" you and just focus in the professional relationship.

If his rudeness becomes an ongoing problem deal with it as you would any teacher behaving inappropriately.

ObscuredByClouds Sat 12-Jan-13 10:41:44

"He probabaly realised that flirting with one of the parents isn't very professional and that if anyone more senior clocked it he might get in trouble, so he backed off a bit. Maybe someone even said something to him about it?"

Agree with this.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 12-Jan-13 10:41:53

There are a few possibilities here (other than you may have imagined the whole thing).

a) He's married, and suddenly got an attack of conscience
b) He has met someone, and is now putting a stop to casual flirtations/interests
c) Someone told him something about you, possibly untrue, that has put him off
d) He's realised his interest is far too obvious to everybody and is embarrassed
e) The head teacher saw him eyeing up one or more mums and told him to put a sock in it as it is unwise and unprofessional
f) He's noticed you returning his interest and is playing silly buggers
g) Fill your own explanation in here...

That you've done something wrong doesn't even make the list though.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 12-Jan-13 10:42:14

X posted, yeah, that.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:43:11

Well, see this is the thing; had a meeting with the teaching assistant the other day RE LO's reading, and he was milling round in the background, one of the other (also single, very pretty and petite) came in to ask for something her child had left in school, and he was falling over himself to help her out! Doing that 'pat on the back to guide her into the room' thing, making a big thing of saying that he had told her child to look for it at lunchtime but she was too busy chatting big laughs from both...

So he clearly finds it ok to flirt with her but me...the one he obvs thinks is a troll (the non-internet version), not so much ;)

lemonstartree - by 'annoyed', I meant more that maybe he has worked out I like him somehow and is repulsed or something.

Nope, don't know if he's single, but that's why I was trying to work out if he liked me; that's the only way I'd have found out if he was smile I've asked a few friends who are teachers and apparently, teachers dating parents isn't really frowned upon...unadvised, but as long as both parties are single then it's not like a sackable offence or anything.

ObscuredByClouds Sat 12-Jan-13 10:45:31

You know what, don't worry yourself about it. From your last post he sounds like a bit of a nob!

piratecat Sat 12-Jan-13 10:45:53

gut instinct is that he did fancy you, and has now met someone and doesn't know how to be pleasant and normal without seemingly being flirty like before.

i speak from almost identical exp!!!!!

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:47:52

Anniegetyourgun - erm, ta.

Thing is, I was in school yesterday helping out, and yes I had to walk past his classroom quite a lot as the toilet was next door to the classroom and my hands were getting dirty (I was clearing out the dusty storeroom!) ; about ten times, he was also out in the corridor so we either passed or, he turned into a room just before I got to him; each time he did look very aware I was there - I avoided eye contact (eyes down to the floor at all times!) but I noticed one of the times he had overtaken me and then started flapping his arms about in that self conscious way (you know how kevin and perry walk? like that ;) )

He did have to talk to me at one point, as I asked him a question about something. To be fair to him, he answered me - so I suppose I'd have nothing to complain about, as he IS still playing ball when I need to speak to him?

akaemmafrost Sat 12-Jan-13 10:51:52

Sounds like he's "transferred" his affections to the other parent to me.

He also sounds rather immature.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:53:06

Wow you lot post quick! smile

See, I did think I might have been coming across a bit ignorant, with the lack of eye contact and pretty much ignoring him, so did intend to start just saying hin or smiling when I saw him, nothing over the top but just the same as the other parents do; then he started making it impossible for me to even say hello because he turns on his heels whenever he sees me! unless we're both in school and he HAS to pass me.

Don't really feel like I can just forget about it, because he's my child's teacher at the moment and when I feel like someone has a problem with me, I tend to get really annoyed eventually and bring it up with them; but usually in a "what the hell is wrong with you!?" kind of way :/

Don't really fancy having to sit opposite him at parents evening next month, knowing he's thinking I'm a freak and seething inside, but trying not to let it show!

I'm so tempted to tell him that I've picked up on the 'atmosphere', and know the reason for it too but he couldn't be more wrong, but he'd just go "not at all" anyway, so there'd be no point.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:55:51

It is immature, which is why it's annoying me - if he carried on as normal fair enough, but in my eyes he's at work - so even if he thought I liked him and didn't reciprocate, he should be mature enough to stay where he's meant to be (at the school gate until he locks it), while I walk past him to take my children in to school?!

Why does he have to hide out of sight until I'm gone!?

Not like I stand there staring at him or make excuses to talk to him; I literally walk down to the school gate, concentrating on my children and not looking at him, send children in, scuttle away. Why's that so intimidating!

dequoisagitil Sat 12-Jan-13 10:55:58

Sounds like he was flirting with you, then has found someone else more responsive to flirt with. You said you've been avoiding eye-contact etc, so he's probably got bored and miffed.

He's probably just one of the flirty types. I wouldn't worry, but if he continues to do the silly ignoring stuff, just be assertive when you actually need to talk to him.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 12-Jan-13 10:56:40

Bloody hell.... you're either bored or you've been reading too many Mills & Boon. All this interpretation of meaningful looks, arm flapping (hmm?) and sideways glances business is just ridiculous. Get out more.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 12-Jan-13 10:57:20

Sorry, I didn't mean you probably had imagined it, although I have to agree with the "overthinking" comment. Something's going on in his head, by the sound of it, probably one or more from my list, but I don't think you should give it too much headspace. As long as he doesn't duck out of necessary discussions about your child, it's HIS problem.

Also, just because he is being flirty with someone else now doesn't mean you're ugly!

dequoisagitil Sat 12-Jan-13 10:57:24

Well that's brutally honest, Cog, grin.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:58:19

Sorry. I just meant that I thought I could tell he liked me. But I obviously read it wrong or something.

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 10:59:31

Yeah, note to self...don't use the words "brutally honest" on MN! ;)

bumhead Sat 12-Jan-13 10:59:38

Maybe...he was just being friendly before and you were reading too much into it? You seem a bit obsessed with him.
And now he has clocked just how much you are looking at him and wants you to stop doing it.
So is driving home the message by deliberately ignoring you.
I mean really, he is your DCs teacher. What are you really expecting to happen??

Maryz Sat 12-Jan-13 11:01:26

What Cogito said.

And - will someone think of the children shock. Imagine their embarrassment if someone says to them "your mum fancies the teacher".

My brutal advice is - grow up, get some boundaries. Don't even think about starting any kind of a relationship with your child's teacher.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 12-Jan-13 11:02:18

Well really.... The man's obviously got a friend/flirty/whatever personality and this breathless preoccupation about which direction his bloody eyes are pointing is toe-curlingly adolescent. hmm

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 11:02:59

Obsessed? Really? sad

You naturally notice someone you are attracted to. And then when they seem to be looking at you as well, being quite open about their lives with you, yes it's easy to misinterpret.

Not obsession though, I've just become more aware of it now he's totally changed how he is around me, because now I feel really aware of myself and awkward.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 12-Jan-13 11:03:54

If you fancy him and you're both free, do what you'd do with anyone else and invite him for a drink. No brainer..

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