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Bathing the children after drinking vodka

(96 Posts)
2atClaridges Sat 12-Jan-13 07:27:29

this is driving me nuts Monday I come home from work and she's necked a bottle of vodka, the kids are in the bath and she's left the hot water running. They're both at the other end of the bath screaming cos its too hot. I get them out and dry them she's stumbling around like an idiot trying to push past me and tell me she's not pissed. While I'm dealing with the kids and trying to get her off my back I lash out and elbow her in the face, for fuck sake (this is a true representation of what happened please dont focus on the elbowing she was behind me grabbing my shoulder) trying to dry and calm them. rest of the week has been... less pissed than monday but every fucking day. every fucking day some little drink inspired disaster

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sat 12-Jan-13 14:53:37

And what happens OP when shes so drunk that one of the dcs have overdosed or fallen and badly hurt themselves, its either your DC's or Wife right now.

2atClaridges, why are you posting? What are you hoping to gain from this thread?

Your wife is a danger to your children. If you sit idly by and let her continue looking after them, then you are as bad as her, and you risk losing your children.
Your wife is ill. You are not. This makes you in a sense more culpable than her, if you let this continue. No amount of "talking sense" will help.
Your wife needs to acknowledge that she is an alcoholic, that she needs help. Right now you are not helping her. You are enabling her alcoholism. Enabling her ruining her life and her health with drink, and possibly also your childrens life.

izzyizin Sat 12-Jan-13 14:55:33

Short of a magic wand to make the problem go away, what 'help' would satisfy the OP, xmas?

The OP's been given sensible advice and practical suggestions, none of which he's prepared to act on. Instead, he's choosing to do sod all leave his dc at risk on a daily basis because, by his own admission, he's 'lazy'.

Maybe we should be asking why his dw drinks?

bumhead Sat 12-Jan-13 14:55:46

What isn't constructive about him kicking her out? She clearly needs help. She is an adult and needs to take responsibility for herself.
Her DCs don't have that luxury.
My DH XW is an alcoholic too and did similar whilst in charge of her DCs.
What could happen doesn't bear thinking about.
Op has ignored some good advice on here and just wants it to go away.
It isn't going to.
Time to be an adult and take control of the situation.

There's not going to be a solution with the minimum of fuss is there?

And, sorry to be harsh but if your children are potentially in danger, it's not "impossible" to take time off of work is it?

As for SS leaving children in abusive homes, do you not realise that's exactly what you are doing?

You need help, your wife needs help and your DCs need help.

Either ask her to leave or contact SS.

ubik Sat 12-Jan-13 14:58:20

can you take the kids to stay with family?
can you read wife the riot act - either she deals with drinking or the kids are not coming back
can you go to al anon?
will she go to AA?
Is there somewhere she can go? does she have a friend she can stay with, see the children, seek help?

atacareercrossroads Sat 12-Jan-13 15:00:47

You need to prioritise your children's safety, that's all you need to do here. She needs to hit rock bottom before she will allow others to help, you cannot help her, but you can help your children. You know what needs to be done. Unfortunately

pinkyponk67 Sat 12-Jan-13 15:17:59

I don't think the OP does know what to do or where to turn. I think his comment about being lazy was an attempt at self-deprecating humour and we shouldn't leap on him for that.

What OP needs is to remove his DW from the kids and then some help to find/fund childcare. Eg, If they separated and DW left the marital home, he may be able to claim tax credits to help pay for childcare such as a childminder or nursery. Practical advice on this type of thing may help him see a solution, although its not really my area.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Sat 12-Jan-13 15:20:47

Once the kids start school (assuming too little to get out of bath means not school age) if she turns up drunk the school can and will stop the kids going with her (more so if she's intending to be driving with them). Then ss will be involved and they will be investigating you as well for not protecting them. Look at the bigger longer picture, talk to the gp, google support groups. It's all out there reading and waiting for your family.
Take the help before it gets taken out your hands

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sat 12-Jan-13 15:27:35

I'd love to have someway of making it all go away as fast as possible with the minimum of fuss... cos I'm lazy

That's not good enough. This thread has really upset me... feel really sad for your children and your wife.

Burying your head in the sand isn't on. Don't you see the stories in the newspapers about children dying in house fires etc? Do you want that to happen to your family? Your kids were nearly scalded in a hot bath. Your wife is ill and needs help.

Why are you making excuses and saying you can't do any of the things people have advised you to do? No one can make this go away or sort it out except you.

difficultpickle Sat 12-Jan-13 15:43:35

Welcome to MN. Interesting first post. I hope you get the help you need.

izzyizin Sat 12-Jan-13 15:44:31

I don't see your remark about being 'lazy' as being self-deprecating; I see it as you being in denial as well as being lazy.

If you're not willing to act on any of the advice given to protect your dc, at least make contact with www.al-anonuk.org.uk

In the face of your inaction it's to be hoped that a neighbour, passer-by, or other interested party, will alert the necessary agencies and you/your dw will get the help you need to keep your dc safe.

insancerre Sat 12-Jan-13 15:45:36

I second the advice to do something now before one of the children is injured or worse.
It won't be too long before somebody else gets to know what is going on, then they will report both of you and the children will be at risk of being put into care.
Failing to act when children are at risk is a criminal offence.
You need help and so does your wife and children.
You need to speak to a professional to get some advice, not an internet forum.
You can ring the NSPCC and ask for advice, you don't need to give any details but they will help.
0808 800 5000, help@nspcc.org.uk or text 88858. www.nspcc.org.uk/help-and-advice/for-parents-and-carers/for-parents_wdh90617.html

Ihatexmas Sat 12-Jan-13 15:46:20

I agree with everyone who has posted about the risk to his kids BUT if a person in a very difficult situation comes here to ask for help it will achieve nothing except drive him away if we all start shouting criticism at him.

If a friend told you they same problem would you start shouting at him? Because they wouldn't listen to your advice if you did.

He is a man, men generally like to arrive at solutions to problems, rather than debate the issue. When he says he is lazy that is probably his version of 'this feels insurmountable'.

I am not diminishing the seriousness of this but we need to be constructive.

LoopsInHoops Sat 12-Jan-13 15:50:12

Maybe you could PM someone on here your details so we can call SS? Because neither of you appear to be capable of looking after / protecting your children.

WhatchuTalkinBoutPhyllis Sat 12-Jan-13 15:54:21

By failing to protect your kids, that makes you just as bad as her.

It seems you know it's a huge issue but cba to do much about it.

tribpot Sat 12-Jan-13 16:01:01

You don't know anything about alcoholism. Some friend having a word with her means fuck all.

Here's what you do:
1. You move her out of the house.
2. You quit your job to look after your children.
3. You ask for support as a lone parent with low income.

This will never get better whilst you sod off to work and leave your children at risk. Sorry. That's a fact.

Sarahplane Sat 12-Jan-13 16:10:10

you need to protect your children because they are not safe with your wife. she either needs to get help or move out and you need to either sort out childcare or stop working and care for your children and claim income support.

AnAirOfHope Sat 12-Jan-13 16:14:37

OP what would you like to happen?

What is your plan to sort this out?

She has a drink problem and you cant make her get better. She needs to hit rock bottom for her to want to get better and she might never want to get better.

You need to work out a plan that involves you looking after children or children in childcare.

You can get childdrens tax creadit to help with the money side of things.

Someone else will notic and call ss and take the decision out of your hands but it might be to late then.

Your options are

1) put the childern in care till your dw gets help
2) kick dw out and be a single parent
3) Do nothing and wait till children are hurt or killed or someone else calls police/ss on you.

AnAirOfHope Sat 12-Jan-13 16:21:13

It is not.illegal to drink in your home with young children but if you cant look after the children you can be charged with neglect.

Single parents are allowed a few drink so i have been told on mn. So by law you are allowed to be drunk in charge of children. Not that most people would want their cm, nanny or teacher to be drunk when looking after their child but its ok for parents to be. You can be too drunk to drive but still think its ok to look after children.

And im told the law doesnt need to change hmm

uhohwhathaveidone Sat 12-Jan-13 16:28:20

Children, left in a hot bath that is progressively gettng hotter.

Screaming because they are burning..unable to get themselves out, I assume...

And you think this is ok? Or ok-enough to not kick her out on her arse straight away/until she's dry if needs be and bring the children up on your own?

meditrina Sat 12-Jan-13 16:30:21

How old are the DCs? For if you have to take one/both to A&E and they start describing what happened, and mention previous near misses, then CP will kick in. Part of me hopes, for DCs sake, that this happen soon, and for only minor, curable injury.

But you need to be aware that, under those circumstances, you risk being considered complicit by failing to prevent child neglect; itself an offence.

You really do need to either move the children to a place where they will be safe, or employ a live-in nanny who knows the full dynamics and will keep DCs safe.

How is your wife today?

Remorseful?
Hungover?

How is her face after you elbowed her?

izzyizin Sat 12-Jan-13 16:46:01

Do you realise that scare tactics may result in a dc who needs treatment not beng taken to A&E, meditrina?

LouiseFisher Sat 12-Jan-13 16:47:41

Dangerous situation, that is a very risky situation. Imagine what the consequences can be, Is it really worth it? These parents need to get a reality check!! Shocking behaviour and attitude to parenting.. shock

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