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Bathing the children after drinking vodka

(96 Posts)
2atClaridges Sat 12-Jan-13 07:27:29

this is driving me nuts Monday I come home from work and she's necked a bottle of vodka, the kids are in the bath and she's left the hot water running. They're both at the other end of the bath screaming cos its too hot. I get them out and dry them she's stumbling around like an idiot trying to push past me and tell me she's not pissed. While I'm dealing with the kids and trying to get her off my back I lash out and elbow her in the face, for fuck sake (this is a true representation of what happened please dont focus on the elbowing she was behind me grabbing my shoulder) trying to dry and calm them. rest of the week has been... less pissed than monday but every fucking day. every fucking day some little drink inspired disaster

TisILeclerc Sat 12-Jan-13 07:32:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Sat 12-Jan-13 07:34:00

She shouldn't be left with the children she needs to get help.

Numberlock Sat 12-Jan-13 07:48:55

Why on earth are you leaving her on her own with them then?

ginmakesitallok Sat 12-Jan-13 07:52:45

why are you leaving your children with an alcoholic??

janajos Sat 12-Jan-13 07:56:20

do you have anyone you can call in RL to help with this? All very well saying 'don't leave your children with an alcoholic', but practically you will need support if you are to deal with this. The children's safety must be paramount. Can you take a week off work to look carefully at the situation and see your GP for advice? Don't hide her problem from family and friends to protect her; it is the children who need support and you too if this is to be addressed. Only your wife can decide to stop drinking, but you can decide whether to enable her. Good luck.

GhettoPrincess Sat 12-Jan-13 08:30:55

Will you PLEASE phone your local Childrens Services for some advice. Also, I second the advice about going to your doctor with this situation,

ErikNorseman Sat 12-Jan-13 08:50:17

You need to remove your children from this situation immediately.

Numberlock Sat 12-Jan-13 09:01:17

Yes but this happened Monday and it's now Saturday so he left them 4 more days with her. Of course it might take time to find a permanent workable solution but who amongst us would have gone to work on the Tuesday? You'd ring in sick yourself if need be...

OP - are you looking for advice or just to vent?

Dahlen Sat 12-Jan-13 09:08:20

She's an alcoholic, and you're lashing out. It's only a matter of time before one of you ends up severely hurting the other. It may well be you hurting her and you ending up with a criminal record, which may result in your being barred from being primary carer for your DC in the event of a split and all sorts of other unforseen consequences. You need to get your partner to leave, or you need to leave with the DC. Immediately.

Meanwhile your DC are witnessing this corrosive relationship and internalising it as normal, and that's best case scenario. Worst case is that she injures them in a drink-fulled episode, or they get in the way when you lash out.

Letsmakecookies Sat 12-Jan-13 09:09:25

I would second, calling children's services and GP and get them on side. You need to find alternative arrangements for the children, I assume they are young since they were in the bath together. You know you can't let a drunk look after two young children. Do you have any family or friends that can help if you approach them and let them know what is happening? Or do you earn enough to pay for decent wrap around care? Have you thought about trying to go to Al Anon. Everyone there will have left a pissed person in charge of their children too at some point, it is nothing to feel angry at yourself for, but you know you need to stop it now. They can give you support and their experiences.

TheBrideofMucky Sat 12-Jan-13 09:12:18

My mum is an alcoholic - you need to get her help, to a gp if possible. If she refuses then she needs to go to a family member or just elsewhere but you cannot have her looking after the children. Calling SS for advice is probably not your best move right now if you are capable of looking after them yourself or with the help of family. You might need to take some time off work. Ate parents able to help?

abbierhodes Sat 12-Jan-13 09:12:43

OP, what a horrible situation for you. Have you got support in RL to help with the kids?
I'd agree with talking to your wife's GP. How long has she been drinking? Is she depressed?
Can you get sometime off work to start to get this sorted?

What is she like when sober? Will she listen to reason then?

meditrina Sat 12-Jan-13 09:19:34

I once rang NSPCC for advice because several of us were worried about one of DD's friends who appeared to be in the sole care of an alcoholic mother who would get plastered. They said it was a form of child abuse.

In that case, the child's (separated) father got the DC moved to the GPs to ensure there was adequate care until the mother accepted treatment and had made progress.

Can you do similar?

izzyizin Sat 12-Jan-13 09:31:11

It is a criminal offence to be drunk in charge of a minor or minors in a public place and to be drunk in charge of a minor or minors in a private establishment is the criminal offence of child neglect.

If, for example, a neighbour or a passer-by had heard your dc screaming and called the police, and they had arrived to find her pissed out of her skull incapacitated by her consumption of alcohol, your dw would most probably have been arrested and taken to the police station together with your dc, where they may have been temporarily placed in the care of SS pending further investigation.

Given the incident with the bath, I assume your dc are too young to have got themselves out of harm's way and, if this is the case, it is all the more reason why they should not be left alone with your dw at the present time and it would seem expedient for you to become their primary carer until their dm has sought, and responded to, treatment for her addiction to the demon drink.

In the absence of any relative or trusted friend who can take care of your dc while you are at work, if they are school-age investigate the possibiity of after school clubs or perhaps another parent would collect them and keep them safe until you get home or, if they are too young for school, enrol them in a day nursery or seek a regstered childminder to care for them.

Needless to say, your dw needs help but, as she can't be forced to have therapy/treatment, only she can take the first step towards sobriety.

HeyHoHereWeGo Sat 12-Jan-13 09:44:01

So this wasn't even the worst thing ever that scared her into stopping?
Are you her husband?
What is your family set up and is it practical to limit her unsupervised time with the children?

2atClaridges Sat 12-Jan-13 14:28:33

some answers in order... love to have taken time off work not feasable. by the following day she sobered up and for Tues/Wed did no drinking, thurs/fri it starts all over again.

I'm not ratting my wife out to the police or social services - not by a long chalk.

Rang a mutual friend on monday... she appeared to talk a bit of sense into wife.

its a combo of venting, wtf-ery and not knowing quite what to do where to go or how to ask for help or who to ask for help.

GP is a no-no wife won't acknowledge there is a major problem. I ain't leaving as there no where to go. Stuck in a big difficult hole.

none of what has been said above appears to be practical in my/our/her/the childrens current circumstance no family no money and as my local social sevices is often in the papers for leaving kids in abusive situations to die... i have no trust in them to offer anything of value.

If someone could give a concrete do this this and this follwed by this this and that. That's what I'd like, the problem is too much for me to think about with out getting angry and I'd love to have someway of making it all go away as fast as possible with the minimum of fuss... cos I'm lazy

I'm angry and i want this problem to go away I don't know where to start

Anyway thanks everyone

TisILeclerc Sat 12-Jan-13 14:33:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Sat 12-Jan-13 14:35:28

So your happy to leave your kids in danger because your not going to 'rat her out' get her the help she, & your family needs
Well done you!
Well fingers crossed she doesn't do it again and the kids aren't badly hurt then ay!

bumhead Sat 12-Jan-13 14:42:36

Then kick her out Op. That way she will get some help?

You won't 'rat her out'?
You want a solution with minimum fuss because 'you're lazy'?
Is this a wind up?

Because if it is you're disgusting in the extreme. Children actually live in these situations every day. It's not a joking matter.
And if it isn't a wind up, if you're too 'lazy' to protect your children the SS should definitely be involved because neither of you should be near these children.
Kick her out.

Ihatexmas Sat 12-Jan-13 14:43:49

It won't go away quickly, there's no bang bang bang answer - she is an alcoholic.
She knows this whether she is willing to acknowledge it or not.

Imagine if you had to turn up at A and E with 2 scalded children and an obviously drunk wife? They will take the choice away from you about what happens to the kids.

When people have an addiction they love the thing they are addicted to more than anything else. Your children are currently coming second to the drink. If you refuse to act you are complicit in this.

I know it is very difficult and I know you don't want to rat her out. But you must start to address the situation. What if she drops a boiling pan on one of them or falls down the stairs with them?

The first thing is to talk to her. Could you get to some al anon meetings? People there might be able to advise you.

You must realise that the bath incident was a very very close thing. That was your warning.

Ihatexmas Sat 12-Jan-13 14:46:25

Come on people, there's no point attacking him. He is asking for help. It is very easy for us to see what should be done, it is a very big mental step for him.
Please try to be a bit more constructive.

Clarabell78 Sat 12-Jan-13 14:48:56

As a recovering alcoholic (over a year sober) I can tell you that you are not helping her by standing by and allowing her to continue drinking. In fact by not creating any consequences you are enabling her and

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Sat 12-Jan-13 14:50:59

Ihatexmas normally I'm the first to agree people on the net are often too harsh for rl.
But there's been many constructive suggestions to which the op has poopooed. Meanwhile his defenceless ds's are left in a dangerous position by the one person who should protect them

Clarabell78 Sat 12-Jan-13 14:52:00

Putting your children in physical and emotional danger. She needs to hit rock bottom before she will seek recovery. As a child who grew up with an alcoholic parent I can tell you that it has left me with untold emotional scars/mental health problems and anger at the other parent for not protecting me better. Is that how you want your children to grow up? Ask her to leave and not return until she is making steps towards sobriety/recovery. It may not be easy/practical but it will protect your children from further damage (they WILL have been damaged already) and force her to take stock.

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