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Fed up with chivalrous DH!

(51 Posts)
sexlifedisaster Fri 11-Jan-13 14:26:51

I feel mean, but I'n fed up with DH.

He works from home, so is usually here, except for one morning a week.

This week he came home, and told me he'd offered to put up an aerial for someone (this is NOT his job at all). He insinuated it was for a man, who was single, and unable to do it himself.

Having sneaked a look at the address, I realised it was actually a woman. I don't know how he came to be in a position to offer, as he works alone in an office; this woman may even work there.

He's bought the aerial, but she is supposed to pay him back. He's chargung £10 for his tine, which was supposed tto be 2 hours.

He went yesterday morning, not returning till 5pm. Then said the aerial didn't work, so he went back this morning (still not home).

I'm not well, and the cough has affected my asthma, so walking around could land me in hospitak (as has happened numerous times), which I don't want to risk with my toddler.

Yet we are out of milk, sugar & bread, which wouldn't have been a problem if the job had taken less time. I'm also very depressed, as well as feeling ill.

When I tried to talk to dh, he got angry, saying I didn't like having him going out to work... err... it's cost him money & £10 fot two days, is hardly worth it (if he gets the money back for the first aerial, otherwise we'll have lost money).

I also don't trust him. He took his son to start army training on Sunday & told me the only parent he talked to was a single mum... why he asked I don't know. He also got lost at the barracks, ending up in the female quarters, watching the female recruits changing.

We never have sex, I brought it up the other night, but he had a 'headache'.

There are loads of other things: Using adultwork, filming naked women on the beach with his first family, helping out a female 'friend" against my wishes (ex fwb - he admitted that she was inventing things to see him).

Sorry for mistakes, havibg to use phone as
he's blocked MN on our router after seeing my last thread.

TalkativeJim Fri 11-Jan-13 17:10:32

You live with a sex offender.

You have children.

This is going to blow up in your face sooner rather than later.

Given that your life is clearly completely shit with this abuser, WHY ON EARTH don't you leave??!!

AThingInYourLife Fri 11-Jan-13 16:52:41

Hully's right.

Ignore the others. They're just trying to make you leave him to free him up so they can be on the receiving end of a bit of his chivalry.

It might be old fashioned, but us girls still like a man who will leave us ill at home with no food so he can do jobs for other women.

What a gent!

QuickLookBusy Fri 11-Jan-13 16:50:07

Could you phone Women's Aid? They would be able to offer you advice.

You need to leave him, for the sake of yourself and your child.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 11-Jan-13 16:42:07

If what others said about posting before, its accept it or go, i'd be calling the police over him filming women without consent, thats digusting, hes probably a cheat, and i hope children arent being filmed too.

Seriously, get some fucking respect and leave.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist Fri 11-Jan-13 16:40:26

I agree with Bandinage, you need help that we can't offer you. I say this kindly - you need to see your GP.

You have accepted his behaviour for a long time. You are also exposing your children to this abusive man.

You are crying out for help yet you are stuck. You know you need to leave him yet can't. If you were feeling stronger you could move on.

It sounds as though your life is difficult and you have some complex emotions, you need help to deal with these.

Leverette Fri 11-Jan-13 16:40:13

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

shine0ncrazydiamond Fri 11-Jan-13 16:33:32

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Lueji Fri 11-Jan-13 16:16:58

Oh, that thread...

You're still with him???

BagCat Fri 11-Jan-13 16:04:15

He blocks your internet use yet finds it ok to use adult websites. Okaaaaaay.

And he's a creepy letch who stealth-films women. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Never mind the aerial, the 'signals' he's giving you are that you should leave him as fast as your legs can carry you. End of.

badinage Fri 11-Jan-13 15:55:17

You need help, but not the kind that can be given on an internet forum.

Someone who writes the same thread over and over again, but name changes all the time, has a mental health problem.

Someone who is in a relationship with a criminal pervert, but who focuses on his fictitious chivalry, an unpainted fence and the lack of sex, has a mental health problem.

We can't help you here.

You are unwell.

Please see a doctor and ask for a psych referral.

FringeEvent Fri 11-Jan-13 15:33:32

OP, do you feel like you could be happier without him in your life, if you could only get up the courage to leave? Or are you struggling to see how that might be better for you than the situation you're in now?

Would it help you to write out list of your fears, a specific bullet-pointed list of all the things, big and small, that are holding you back from leaving? And let us help you address those worries rationally and one at a time?

I know how hard it is to imagine life without your DP, who at one time probably made you very happy, but from what you've said (and I've only read this post, not your earlier ones) it seems pretty clear that leaving him would be far better for you and for your DC than staying with him. He doesn't treat you like a loving partner should, you don't deserve this, and you don't have to put up with it. You can't change him, but you can take control of your life.

izzyizin Fri 11-Jan-13 15:20:50

He may have been putting something up at an ow's house for the past 2 days, honey, but it sure ain't an aerial.

Why not go to her home and, in the unlikely event he's on her roof with a webcam, remove his ladder?

Hullygully Fri 11-Jan-13 15:10:21

I think he sounds a bit tasty

Would he come round and fit my septic tank for a fiver?

BelleoftheFall Fri 11-Jan-13 15:05:19

So:

- He's almost certainly a cheat.
- He's a voyeur with no respect for women.
- He uses Adultwork.
- He lies to you about all sorts of things.
- He tries to control you (blocking websites fgs)
- He shows little respect for you: leaving out those disgusting videos, helping out an ex-fuckbuddy, etc.

He's a disgusting individual and like Greer, I wouldn't be surprised if he was doing far fouler things than just spying on women. You should get the hell away from him.

Getoutofmygumboot Fri 11-Jan-13 15:02:50

Can you even block a website from a router?

ArtemisatBrauron Fri 11-Jan-13 14:57:12

Er... I'd be more worried that he seems controlling and intimidating to you - blocking MN from your router, banning you from watching videos?! That plus the pervy behaviour would be a deal breaker for me, get rid!

Floggingmolly Fri 11-Jan-13 14:55:54

Chivalrous. You're totally in denial, aren't you? He hasn't been fitting an aerial for two days hmm

Greer123 Fri 11-Jan-13 14:55:24

I've just written a response to somebody on another thread where I ended "Divorce is not a panacea", but in this case it is! For goodness sake get rid of him and let the police know what he's up to. His perving could be the tip of the iceberg shock

JambalayaCodfishPie Fri 11-Jan-13 14:54:12

Sorry OP, that didn't quite appear as planned.

chiv·al·rous

Adjective
1.(of a man or his behavior) Courteous and gallant, esp. toward women.
2.Of or relating to the historical notion of chivalry.

Neither of these definitions match, do they?

Your use of the word, alongside what others have said disturbs me. Your mind is so confused, you believe all this to be normal behaviour.

sexlifedisaster Fri 11-Jan-13 14:54:02

I stay becausevI guess I don't think I'm worth much.

I'm getting older, our second chilld died, which I think he blames me for (I do, I can't help thinking I killed her), my mum& sister think I'll push into an affair & shoul keep quiet.

I've not confronted him about the videos - he banned me from watching them; then left them in the dining room. He'll go mad if I tell him.

ShatnersBassoon Fri 11-Jan-13 14:53:44

OP, have you considered that all of this is a fantasy? Nobody stumbled across a load of women changing at a barracks. It couldn't happen.

idococktailshedoesbeer Fri 11-Jan-13 14:51:50

Why are earth are you going out with a sex pest?

CryptoFascist Fri 11-Jan-13 14:49:23

Sorry but here we go again. op you've been posting about him for years now. I honestly don't know what you expect people to say. He's a hideous, horrific person and you need to leave him. But you haven't the strength. So you just post about him here. Where do you think it will end up? I don't mean this as an attack, I'm genuinely interested in what your plans are.

Leverette Fri 11-Jan-13 14:49:11

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PatriciaHolm Fri 11-Jan-13 14:47:43

I really wouldn't bother, anyone. It'll just all get ignored, and irrelevant, disingenious replies made. The saga continues.

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