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My cheating husband dumped when I was pregnant, I am still devastated.

(179 Posts)
DontWakeMeUp Fri 11-Jan-13 04:56:28

I was living in Malaysia, we had gone there for my husbands job ( about 1yr 6 months) I come home to Uk to visit family and friends for 6 weeks as pregnant, fly back to Malaysia to find out he had been shagging some cheap filiphino bar tart for 3 weeks and didn't want to work our relationship out! We had been together 16 years. I was devastated. Can't believe he could actually do this, thought he had some morals. He tells me he hadn't been happy for last year and half ( time in Malaysia - I had struggled to adjust and wasn't happy myself!) he never said anything - always thought it was work stress! Bombshell. Anyway cheap slapper declaring undying love from day one and he fallen for her. She obviously looking to trap an expat husband for money.
Anyway 6 months on he has moved her in, I am back in our home in the Uk with our 3 and a half year old daughter and 1 month old son ( whom he hasn't even met!) He has played with my emotions all throughout the pregnancy - telling me he still loves me and at one point going to dump her and then not going through with it! I feel pathetic but I still love him and am still crying as i cannot believe the man I knew is capable of this kind of behavior. He was a good kind, caring man who would do anything for me. Anyhow he is coming home in 2 weeks time. I have recently told him we cannot be friends and have gone as no contact as possible. I can't believe how badly he has treated me and that he has just dumped his kids. He skypes his daughter twice a week but it's pathetic and she doesnt want to talk to him. I am an emotional mess, surviving on adrenalin. I loved him so much and we spent most of our time together - he was my best friend - how could he do this to us? I am trying to be strong but it's so tough. Help !

McBuckers Fri 22-Feb-13 01:03:04

Hi dontwakemeup how are you? X

ProphetOfDoom Tue 19-Feb-13 13:50:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helltotheno Tue 19-Feb-13 08:28:48

Glad to hear it. So youll have dumped him unceremoniously then?

DontWakeMeUp Tue 19-Feb-13 02:48:25

Helltotheno I wasn't entertaining that this is an acceptable line of discussion - that he dumped me for someone he cared about. He was saying this. I pointed out to him that it wasn't an acceptable line of discussion as he had only known her for 3 weeks when he chucked me in the bin. You can't seriously love someone in 3 weeks so that makes it a completely UNACCEPTABLE excuse.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 16-Feb-13 19:12:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 16-Feb-13 18:20:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helltotheno Sat 16-Feb-13 18:13:24

You got that right! I suppose OP has to come to her own realisation of it at her own pace. But OP nothing, absolutely nothing, this man has said to you indicates that you and your children are his number 1, or even will be in the future... sorry sad I hope you realise that soon.....

AnyFucker Sat 16-Feb-13 18:07:36

Hell I think your example there is one of several dozen reasons why OP should never, ever get back with this man

And should close her eyes and her heart to every single word he says in the future

Helltotheno Sat 16-Feb-13 18:03:17

Sorry but does nobody else think this is choice: He says he didn't leave me for someone he didn't care about

Wtf is up with that? You're supposed to be happy he dumped you for someone he cared about rather than a disposable shag?? Why are you even entertaining this as an acceptable line of discussion that can lead to anything good?

Is it that you actually want to be treated worse than you already have been??

ProphetOfDoom Sat 16-Feb-13 16:39:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShoutyHead Sat 16-Feb-13 15:23:53

I lived in Malaysia and can sympathise with how you felt. I'm pretty sure I was horrible to live with at times as I sometimes felt massively homesick and lonely. My DH did not respond by having an affair, he supported me and we moved home together. We did have fantastic times out there but also some very difficult moments. I never once had to worry about my relationship.

Your ex and your ILs are being very unfair and his affair is not your fault.

Doha Sat 16-Feb-13 15:17:40

DontWakeMeUp you will never get over it, you may in time learn to live with what he did but you will never forgive and forget. He dumped you when you were most vulnerable-not just you but his DD and unborn DS. Totally unforgivable regardless of excuse or reason.
I really don't know how you could begin to move on from all that he has done and really reading of his lack of remorse frankly l would be telling him to keep the fuck away from me.
You and your DC's deserve better

ZolaBuddleia Sat 16-Feb-13 13:41:30

Another one joining the thread to bolster you up OP, you've been treated despicably by this fool of a man who didn't realise a great thing when he had it. Remain strong and prioritise yourself and your children's long term happiness over everything else.

A friend of mine's husband was unfaithful and in the aftermath his parents totally supported him and sidelined her in the way your in-laws are doing. Do you need that on top of everything else? Stay strong and prioritise people who treat you properly, would you tolerate this from a friend?

You're doing fantastically well to even function with everything that's happened and sleep deprivation, keep going.

DontWakeMeUp Sat 16-Feb-13 13:20:57

Yes my family are supportive of me. They just don't live near.
He is now talking of a job in the uk. Of coming home soon to spend some time together if i'll let him. He says he didn't leave me for someone he didn't care about - I just said he had know her for all of 3 weeks when he chucked me pregnant! He was hardly madly in love with her then! He shouldn't have gone looking int the first place. I know what he is capable of - throwing me away ( and not just me). When I look at it knowing what he has done you are right how would I ever get over that?

ProphetOfDoom Sat 16-Feb-13 12:21:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mimishimi Sat 16-Feb-13 02:15:19

Wow, so even his parents are blaming you for how he behaved in Malaysia? Did they tell you this recently whilst he was back or before then? anyfucker, I meant that asking OP if she is crazy is not helpful. Of course I, and probably many others think that she'd be crazy to take him back in the circumstances she's given us ( with no evidence of serious contrition on his part) but it's something she needs to work through herself too...

Helltotheno Sat 16-Feb-13 01:16:39

Again is it straightforward?
Yes: He's a twunt....

Or am I just making excuses?
Yes. Run like the wind.....

Cerealqueen Fri 15-Feb-13 23:58:02

My cheating husband dumped when I was pregnant

This in itself is enough, how would you even move on from it.

AnyFucker Fri 15-Feb-13 23:53:13

That's more like it.

As long as you are not simply trying to convince us of that.

DontWakeMeUp Fri 15-Feb-13 23:43:59

I have given too much and taken too much. I am not taking anymore.

Cerealqueen Fri 15-Feb-13 23:43:40

I think he thinks there is no way you well tell him to get lost, so he continues to string you along hedging his bets. Time to call him on it and say enough is enough. Hand on heart, is he doing enough to win you back?? Seems like he thinks it is his decision and its not, it is yours.

DontWakeMeUp Fri 15-Feb-13 23:42:57

Cerealqueen yes enough excuses. HE SHOULD BE BEGGING FORGIVENESS NOW!

AnyFucker Fri 15-Feb-13 23:42:34

I have absolutely no idea sad

DontWakeMeUp Fri 15-Feb-13 23:40:41

AnyFucker you are probably right. Why am I even giving him the opportunity?

Cerealqueen Fri 15-Feb-13 23:40:32

Stop making excuses for him.

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