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would you date a transgendered man?

(481 Posts)
ecofreeek Thu 10-Jan-13 19:02:47

I am in my late 30's and single (divorced). Recently though work I met a man who seemed really nice. We flirted a bit and last weekend he asked me out for a drink. It went really well, nice snog! and we arranged to meet for dinner this week

At dinner he told me that basically he used to be a woman. He has had testosterone treatment for many years and both breasts removed and a hysterectomy. But not the surgery that makes a penis...

I really like him. But I'm a bit freaked out. I guess that's why he told me 'early' in our dating... I dont want any more children s thats not an issue... its the whole man thing - he looks like a man, acts like a man and I would never have guessed that biologically he is not a male...

the sex thing ....

would you date a transgendered man >?

TheWheelies Thu 10-Jan-13 19:06:13

No, I couldn't.

Seabright Thu 10-Jan-13 19:06:39

I might, hard to say though. Is he planning on having penis construction surgery?

Are his friends & family aware of his situation? If not, are you comfortable with keeping this sort of secret?

Apocalypto Thu 10-Jan-13 19:09:15

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Portofino Thu 10-Jan-13 19:15:27

i am with Apocolypto on this.

strumpetpumpkin Thu 10-Jan-13 19:17:17

i would be fine with it

Jemma1111 Thu 10-Jan-13 19:20:04

I couldn't but its how you feel that's important. If you do decide to I imagine you would have to be prepared for a stressful journey .

HecatePropolos Thu 10-Jan-13 19:21:50

I don't know.

I've typed about 5 different answers out but the truth is that I haven't a clue.

Teeb Thu 10-Jan-13 19:24:30

I don't think I could, mainly because sex is an important aspect of a relationship to me.

Grumpla Thu 10-Jan-13 19:25:16

If I were attracted to him before I found out I don't reckon it would really stop me fancying him.

I'd have a few glasses of wine and see how the sex works out before jumping to any conclusions. I'm sure you can still have plenty of fun without a penis, but might find it problematic if he isn't happy being naked etc.

Conflugenglugen Thu 10-Jan-13 19:28:31

If everything else were going well, I would have sex with him to find out whether I could sustain a relationship with him. You never know until you try ...

PurityBrown Thu 10-Jan-13 19:29:41

Apocalypto

That is a foul piece of transphobic nastiness. I've reported you.

In answer to your question, OP, it wouldn't be an issue for me. Why on earth should it?

TheDarkestNight Thu 10-Jan-13 19:31:47

I would be fine with it, I think. Although in practice, who knows? I guess it depends how open you are, and how confident he is, about sex. If he's nice, and you like him, it's surely worth a shot?

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Thu 10-Jan-13 19:34:08

I'd be OK with it. People are just people, and what counts is whether they are nice or not (and in the case of dating, whether they are attractive to us or not). If you like him and he likes you, go for it. If you stop enjoying his company, call a halt to things but do so kindly. And BTW he's been brave, fair and honest in telling you straightaway, so respect him for that.

Apollonia6 Thu 10-Jan-13 19:34:37

No I couldn't.

Same as Teeb, sex is an important part of a relationship for me. So in this case, no.

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jan-13 19:37:15

"Why on earth would it be an issue ?"

How obtuse.

Yes, it would be an issue for me, because although I would support a person's right to change their body into anything they choose, it doesn't change the fact that biologically this is a woman.

GlitteryShitandDanglyBaubles Thu 10-Jan-13 19:38:08

I could, it wouldn't bother me at all. Male, female, any stage in between is fine with me.

But then I am bisexual.

I don't understand why it would seem to be more acceptable to some posters if a penis had been constructed?

AnyFucker Thu 10-Jan-13 19:38:14

Incidentally, Ecofreeek, are you a new poster on MN or did you name change for this thread ?

Naoko Thu 10-Jan-13 19:38:53

I think so. It's never come up, so I can't say for certain, but if I found him attractive and nice, then I'd like to think I'd get over the social conditioning that makes people feel a bit odd about it.

Why don't you get to know him better and see how things go, like you would with any other man you've recently met and find interesting? What do you have to lose?

ecofreeek Thu 10-Jan-13 19:39:09

thanks. Apocolypto I think that's really unkind. I don't think of him as 'mutilated' that's awful. He believes he was born to be male and takes hormones by injection. i think he has been through a lot of 'therapy' and assessments to have got to this stage. He has been living as a man for more than 10 years. His family obviously know , i'm not sure about friends. I'm pretty sure no one at work knows or i would have heard gossip/something.

The first issue for me is about sex - I am very heterosexual and have always enjoyed penetrative sex - I know we could use dildo's etc but ... how would it feel to have sex without PIV?

the next issue is about how you live with a big 'thing' like that without telling people. why do you NOT tell people? should you tell? is it anyone else's business ? ?

one part of me says - just don't get involved... but then I think that's bigoted, stupid and if I hadn't known/ didn't know Id be really excited that I had met someone I liked... and I feel shallow and silly.....

MushroomSoup Thu 10-Jan-13 19:39:23

I think if I truly saw him as a man, and the thought of him as a woman didn't make sense to me, I'd date him and see where it goes. I very much admire his honesty.

PurityBrown, I really don't see Apocalypto's views as being 'foul' or 'nasty'. It's just her opinion. Why is it any different to yours?

HugoDarling Thu 10-Jan-13 19:39:51

No, I couldn't.

TheBOF Thu 10-Jan-13 19:40:41

I could enjoy his company and be friends etc. but not sex, no. I'm too much about the cock really, and it wouldn't really be fair to pretend otherwise.

Maria33 Thu 10-Jan-13 19:41:20

I'd just go with it and see how it goes - I guess like any other new relationship. FWIW I know of couple where one partner came out as a pre-op transsexual quite a long way into the relationship (not hiding it, just youth and confusion) and they're still happily married post op...

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