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DD 13 in tears she had divorced parents, been 5 years since split

(26 Posts)
Igloo100 Wed 09-Jan-13 22:53:34

Not sure this is exactly the right board but not much traffic on more appropriate ones.

DD was odd when I picked her up, unusually quiet. I questioned a bit but she clearly wasn't up for talking and so I left it.
Went into her room just to find her in tears. She said she hates not having a normal family and feels like she isn't as good as her friends when they talk about their families.

I broke up with exH 5 years ago after he had a very long messy affair and got his now wife pregnant while still with me. DD was, as far as possible, kept out of the drama but he was pretty hopeless and left by disappearing one day without notice and not seeing her for a few weeks then not acknowledging what had happened to her but seeing her and pretending everything was wonderful. She emotionally broke down and had some counselling. Over time she stopped seeing her dad because their relationship became so poor. He tried for contact via court but was denied it, she was invovled in the court process via cafcass.

DD said today over and over she hates him and how he has ruined her life. Her eldest sister is at uni but brother is 16 and at home. Until now everything seemed fine, shes doing well at school, has great friends, lacks confidence but is generally fairly happy.
I told her there are lots of other girls, and named the ones I knew, who had divorced parents, she replied 'but they're dads not horrible'
I asked her if she wants to make contact with him and she said no.
We chatted a bit about what she wishes he was like and she described how her friends dad were and how they'd all compare things like how embarrassing or boring their dads were and she haed how they moan because they don't understand what its like not to have a dad. sad

We agreed she is going to talk to her best friend tomorrow and let her know how hard she finds it so hopefully her friend will help change the subject or let the others know to not talk about it in front of DD.

I think there is more to it though, I dont know how to help her. I don't know whether to talk to school or not. She said there is a teacher who she had spoken to about it today and the teacher had been comforting. I just can't tell if this is something that has been building up and she needs more help than she is letting on.
Sorry for long post!

tuffinmop Thu 10-Jan-13 22:32:13

I am 37, my dad has always been an emotionally distant pita and it still upsets me years and years after my teens. I even cry about it still. She is missing something lovely (a good relationship with a loving father) and she is allowed to feel upset.
Hard for you to witness though. Just tell her how much you love her and try to make your relationship as special as you can.

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