Am I being abused?
Verbal Abuse A wonderfully non-hysterical summary. If you're unsure, read the whole page and see if you're on it.
Emotional abuse from the same site as above
Emotional abuse a more heartfelt description
a check list Use this site for some concise diagnostic lists and support
Signs of Abuse & Control Useful check list
why financial abuse is domestic violenceAre you a free ride for a cocklodger, or supposed to act grateful for every penny you get for running the home?
Women's Aid: "What is Domestic Violence?" This is also, broadly, the Police definition.
20 signs you're with a controlling and/or abusive partner Exactly what it says on the tin
Books :
"Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft - The eye-opener. Read this if you read nothing else.
"The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans ? He wants power OVER you and gets angry when you prove not to be the dream woman who lives only in his head.
"The Verbally Abusive Man, Can He Change?" by Patricia Evans - Answer: Perhaps - ONLY IF he recognises HIS issues, and if you can be arsed to work through it. She gives explicit guidelines.
"Men who hate women and the women who love them" by Susan Forward. The author is a psychotherapist who realised her own marriage was abusive, so she's invested in helping you understand yourself just as much as helping you understand your abusive partner.
"The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing" by Beverley Engels - The principle is sound, if your partner isn't basically an arse, or disordered.
"Codependent No More : How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself" by Melody Beattie - If you a rescuer, you're a co-dependent. It's a form of addiction! This book will help you.
But whatever you do, don't blame yourself for being Co-dependent!
Websites :
So, you're in love with a narcissist - Snarky, witty, angry, but also highly intelligent: very good for catharsis
Dr Irene's verbal abuse site - motherly advice to readers' write-ins from a caring psychotherapist; can be a pain to navigate but very validating stuff
Out of the fog - and now for the science bit! Clinical, dispassionate, and very informative website on the various forms of personality disorders and how they impact on family and intimate relationships.
Get your angries out ? You may not realise it yet, but you ARE angry. Find out in what unhealthy ways your anger is expressing itself. It has probably led you to staying in an unhealthy relationship.
Melanie Tonia Evans is a woman who turned her recovery from abuse into a business. A little bit "woo" and product placement-tastic, but does contain a lot of useful articles.
Love fraud - another site by one woman burned by an abusive marriage
You are not crazy - one woman's experience. She actually has recordings of her and her abusive partner having an argument, so you can hear what verbal abuse sounds like. A pain to navigate, but well worth it.
Baggage reclaim - Part advice column, part blog on the many forms of shitty relationships.
heart to heart a wealth of information and personal experiences drawn together in one place
what couples therapy does for abusers
If you find that he really wants to change
should I stay or should I go bonus materials this is a site containing the material for men who want to change?please don?t give him the link?print out the content for him to work through.
The Bill of Rights
bill of rights here is what you should expect as a starting point for your treatment in a relationship, as you will of course be treating others!!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Support thread for those in Emotionally abusive relationships :15
foolonthehill · 09/01/2013 18:20
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Hi everyone 
Waiting to hear if NSDH has got the job I really don't want him to get. Studying still ongoing, Tuesday's exam is looming large now. Not feeling confident at all. If I fail again I don't know what I'll do.
I find new threads quite depressing personally. Just another reminder of how little has changed since I came here. The amount of this threads in my 'I'm Watching' list is mounting up. 
But still, thanks to Fool for kicking us off again!
hurray for fool 
Leclerc, I am the same, I've had a couple of dental procedures without anaesthetic because I hate the thought of needles in my mouth. Nowhere else, am an ardent 'Give blood' er, just in my mouth.
Glad you've had a talk re DD1. That's a hard one though. Does it feel as if she's deliberately underperforming? Is that what your thought is about it or is it something different?
I've seen FW now. I'd say I was not sure how I felt, but since there's 
and choc on the go after several days of being good, I guess that speaks for itself...
So initial handover was less than 15secs, as usual. However when I picked DS2 up (ie on my time), he started trying to initiate conversation. Started talking about the stuff in the house, and when I said I'd happily come in and clear stuff myself, within a minute he was saying that me coming into the house was 'inappropriate' and was threatening to change the locks! I told him he couldn't do that, he said he could, but then backed down. Then blah blah, and 'we can't get divorced till May'. Which i knew. But hearing him say the 'D' word to me so calmly just blew me away. I've been a wreck all night, been so short with DS1 and just v down. 
pony. I know what you mean. I was scared to mention the 'd' word with him, but once I did it was like some kind of invisible barrier had been knocked down. You know this is what you want though. Is it like the thought of him being so accepting is more hurtful to you in a way?
Try and say to yourself that he is complying with what you want. Easier said than done, I know.
I think so Matchsticks. I guess it's the thought that I can be discarded from his life (and my son, his stepson, who he no longer wants to see) so easily, without any real thought or apparent discomfort. I'm the one who has been wronged here, and yet I've got to pretend like it's all an equal playing field and we're both just 'divorcing each other' in My as he says.
I don't know why this all bother me so much. But it does. I feel like shit tonight.
Evening ladies! Just checking in...thank you Fool you are amazeballs!!!
Enjoyed a lovely day full of fwerty here (yawn) more expected tomorrow no doubt. Apart from the usual evil rubbish thrown at me he also advised me that the nursery nurses at DDs nursery are STILL "looking at him" and of course must be my fault. How very dare them!! probably thinking what a complete nobhead he is
Back on friday when he buggers off back to work. Thinking of you all
fool for new thread I felt quite panicky when I got to old one and it was closed 
Pony so sorry he is effing with your head again and leaving you feeling distraught. You drink your honey (and I'm selflessly having one with you, cheers 
) It sounds like he has seen that you're detached and getting further away, and his only "punishment" that he thinks might hurt you is to be even more detached andx "show he doesn't care". But you can bet your bottom dollar he does. Just thank God you're out of it and healing slowly but surely.
Charlotte just trea water till he's gone on his trip, lovey. Then let your brain clear from fw inflicted fog - we'll help you 
nini hello, nice to chat again
And hello and to everyone else
Well, in my news - my higher (gulp gulp) offer was accepted... I have put down a substantial (for me) deposit (gulp, gulp). I have worked out skeleton furniture plan (not literally girls, fw is still alive and kicking ), plus am mentally earmarking all small items from here (lamps, small tables) that he never notices because I change furniture around a lot and we rotate stuff a bit, some in garage etc, plus he is the most unnoticing person in the world, I could shave my hair off and he would barely blink) Flat is available Feb 8th (more gulps and ) - feck, am I really doing this????????? I need gentle shoves and pushes
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