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Does AGE GAP matter? advice sought please

(42 Posts)
Wecanfixit Sun 06-Jan-13 19:33:22

I have a very good friend who is online dating after being on her own for awhile she is 54 attractive outgoing and bubbly personality, A chap who is 45 has contacted and is interested - she is in a spin as what to do she told him NO , but likes the sound and the look of him , she just can not get her head around the fact that a young man like that would be interested in her and not just for one thing , please any tips or advice I can give to my friend would be appreciate I just want to see her happy with someone.

ErikNorseman Sun 06-Jan-13 19:34:47

9 years when you are middle aged is nothing. I'd say avoid if he was 25, but 45 is fine!

Casmama Sun 06-Jan-13 19:35:38

It's only 9years! That hardly makes him a young thing and her an old dinosaur.
I think she should meet him and then decide whether she wants to get to know him better or not.

Numberlock Sun 06-Jan-13 19:36:48

Tell her to go for it! No harm in at least meeting him for lunch.

aurynne Sun 06-Jan-13 19:38:48

Erm... a 45-year-old is NOT a "young man". And she is worried he will want her for "just one thing"? Erm... doesn't she think that if that was the case, he may as well go for an 18-year-old woman instead?

By the way, I wince every time I read "bubbly personality"...

Wecanfixit Sun 06-Jan-13 19:39:51

Thats what I say it is just she has such a blinkered view on dating a younger man , and she is suspicous that he only wants her for one thing aagh , thanks for the advice appreciate it will work on her .

Wecanfixit Sun 06-Jan-13 19:41:30

aurynne - your right he could that is what i told her , what is wrong with the description bubbly personality ?, she is lovely very witty and alive dont know how else to put it if you have any ideas let me know thanks.

Numberlock Sun 06-Jan-13 19:42:23

Well in that case my advice to her is take everybody at face value, keep an open mind and remove any pre-conceptions. And meet as many of them as possible in the real world as soon as possible. Don't go in for endless pointless messaging.

Hassled Sun 06-Jan-13 19:43:53

9 years is nothing when you get past 40, I reckon. And he's no more likely to be just "after one thing" than a 54 year old would be.

Wecanfixit Sun 06-Jan-13 19:45:41

Hassled Big thanks I agree wish I could convince her !

Numberlock Sun 06-Jan-13 19:46:56

Even if he is just after sex (or are you worried he's after her money?), nothing wrong with a fling till she finds someone she wants to date.

dequoisagitil Sun 06-Jan-13 19:47:06

I don't think a ten year age gap in your forties/fifties is a deal-breaker - I think it's important when you considering dc etc - but presumably those things aren't an issue for either of you at this point, having either had families or gone on without.

izzyizin Sun 06-Jan-13 19:49:16

Jeez, if she thinks a 45yo only wants for her for one thing, wait till she meets up with --priapic- 55-65 year olds.

Tell her to go for the 45yo - it's probable his bod will be in better shape from the wrinklies older gentlemen she thinks will treat her like a lady grin

Marking my place in the hope you'll come back with regular an update.

tzella Sun 06-Jan-13 19:49:44

A LOT of men in online dating are 'only after one thing'* so tell her a 55 year old would be too.

* in my experience and jaded prejudice

The happiest couple I know have the same gap at almost the same ages. It works for them and is the best relationship of their lives, their expectations are the same
Nothing ventured and all that...

Numberlock Sun 06-Jan-13 19:50:55

Agreed Tzella. This is why she needs to meet them in the real world asap.

Wecanfixit Sun 06-Jan-13 19:53:40

Wow ladies thank you so much for all your kind and positive words of encouragement I will now have alot to tell her and will keep you posted thank you all so much MUMSNET is always such a huge help!

Numberlock Sun 06-Jan-13 19:54:56

Tell her we want that first date arranged and a report back by the end of the week!

Wecanfixit Sun 06-Jan-13 19:54:58

P.S. Izzyin - I agree with your sentiments exactly thanks will keep you posted!

aurynne Sun 06-Jan-13 19:55:17

Wecanfixit, my comment was tongue-in-cheek. "Bubbly personality" is such an overused expression on online dating profiles hat it has lost any meaning... it also conjures the image of a person full of bubbles, which is a bit childish as a way to describe someone in their fifties... but that's just me :P

missmapp Sun 06-Jan-13 19:57:47

10yrs between me and my Dh and we have been happily married for many years now- tell her to go for it

tzella Sun 06-Jan-13 19:58:23

I'd hate to be described as 'bubbly' because I'm also fat hmmgrin

Wecanfixit Sun 06-Jan-13 19:59:21

aurynne - thanks now I understand yea it is quite a daft exspression!
Missmapp - So happy for you and thanks for sharing fingers crossed for my girlfriend - I will tell her to go for it!

No, it doesn't matter as long as you aren't the kind of person who worries too much about what other people think.

FloweryDrawers Sun 06-Jan-13 20:06:05

We have a few 9 yr gaps in our family. My Dad was 9 yrs older than my Mum - happily married for many years until he died. Another relative is 9 yrs older than her partner - I think he was 42 and she was 51 when they met, both divorcees who already had older/adult children. Still going strong after about 10 years.

That's not to say that this chap isn't only after sex, though. That's an occupational hazard that has nothing to do with age gap IME.

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