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Kissing during sex

(85 Posts)
Seekingthezone Sun 06-Jan-13 13:34:44

When DW and I had sex she would always refuse to kiss during the act. I found this odd as GIfs prior to marriage had always kissed. I found it quite sensual and part of the joy. it was a simulation as well. it was dental hygiene getting in the way either.

it seemed really odd to me that we could be in the middle of the most intimate thing that a couple does and she felt uncomfortable kissing during it.

Any one else come across this or have views why she would not kiss.

She will kiss to say good night. But that is a dry very quick kiss. No passion.

Btw married for 10+ years but it has always been like that.

Numberlock Sun 06-Jan-13 13:36:21

What has she said when you've asked her about it?

strumpetpumpkin Sun 06-Jan-13 13:36:56

have you asked her?

all women are not the same. Is she squeamish?
My ex husband didnt like kissing much . Pissed me off

Numberlock Sun 06-Jan-13 13:38:40

Same with my last boyfriend, strumpet. Yet another reason why I'm glad I'm no longer with him.

How's the rest of the relationship OP?

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 06-Jan-13 13:40:48

After 10+ years isn't it a bit late to find out why she doesn't like it, let alone decide it's a problem?

Numberlock Sun 06-Jan-13 13:45:58

That's what I thought too...

Also I notice the sex bit of your post is written in the past tense eg when we had sex. Do you no longer have sex?

badinage Sun 06-Jan-13 13:46:10

When you say it has always been like that, do you mean you've never snogged? confused

You also say 'when DW and I had sex' so does that mean you're not having sex now either?

Kissing's more intimate than sex in my opinion. To snog someone enthusiastically, you've usually got to be 'into' them in every way.

Helltotheno Sun 06-Jan-13 13:52:49

Agree with last poster. I think lots of people go off kissing when they're in LTRs...

I don't like kissing much sad I have issues and I really should get them sorted

so i can see why your DW wouldn't want to. I think ones you've not snogged for a long time, it's hard to get back into it. It's also really hard to explain, I feel like I would like to but not when it come to it.

Are you my DH?

BelaLugosisShed Sun 06-Jan-13 14:02:46

Passionate kissing is far more intimate than any sexual contact, I'd say she has an issue with true intimacy.

badinage Sun 06-Jan-13 14:07:50

DH and I have often said that we could probably cope with a sex drought better than a snogging drought - not that we'd want either!

I often feel that no snogging's more of a red flag in a relationship than no sex.

digerd Sun 06-Jan-13 14:20:52

Agree. Kissing is the loving part of intimacy.

WaspFactory Sun 06-Jan-13 14:24:09

My ex husband and BF before him didn't like kissing and I hated it. BF before that would only kiss me like he was trying to find out what my stomach tasted like hmm. Luckily new partner loves it and is a very gentle kisser. Agree with all those saying it's as important, if not more so, than sex, for maintaining intimacy.

I had an ex who wasn't into snogging. Should have seen that as a red flag but didn't - sex life was poor too. I was convinced it was all me and that I was crap. Thank God for next girlfriend who one night told me I was the most sensual kisser she'd ever met (prior to my telling her my ex hated my kissing her) and restored my confidence.

PeachTown Sun 06-Jan-13 15:05:23

I love and fancy my DH to death. However... during sex I often need to fantasise (about him usually) and get a bit lost in my head in order to orgasm. Kissing at certain points would put me off. Could that be it?

jojoanna Sun 06-Jan-13 19:10:39

I have never liked snogging my DH. I do miss snogging but i'm used to it now.
Still love him to bits though

ClippedPhoenix Sun 06-Jan-13 20:22:29

Totally depends with DP and I.

If it's a morning one then no kissing grin

Fairylea Sun 06-Jan-13 21:31:00

Sorry to be blunt but are you absolutely sure it's not a teeth or breath issue?

No smoking etc ? Alcohol ?

Any of those things would put me off.

BunnyKelly Sun 06-Jan-13 22:13:35

Agree with fairylea . I've gone out with girls who wouldn't leave the house without perfume, but would jump on me straight after smoking. Horrible.

Convict224 Mon 07-Jan-13 00:21:48

Eric, is that you again? FFS I told you why...

izzyizin Mon 07-Jan-13 00:27:23

Oh do please put us out of our misery tell us, Convict... I won't be able to sleep tonight if I don't know.

AnyFucker Mon 07-Jan-13 00:28:59

heh

rainbowinthesky Mon 07-Jan-13 00:34:02

Convict- pmsl

Seekingthezone Mon 07-Jan-13 09:38:42

wow quite a few responses there and a number of them confirm my belief that it is not all who behave that way or find it acceptable.

To answer some of the questions

Yes it is sex in the past tense.Nothing in the last few months, including my birthday. She withdrew sex as a punishment but that is another story.

Our sex life has been degrading for 10 years now. I can see that now looking back.

It was not apparent at the beginning, became so in the middle part and has then just laid in the background as one more unresolved issue.

I am sure it is not alcohol/smoking/food. I asked why and she said she just did not like it, my kisses were two wet (I was not trying to French kiss her either). She only likes brief touches on the lips and for it to be completely dry which to me is not a passionate, kiss. The type of thing you give your loved one.

I am very interested in the comment that kissing is considered by some to be more intimate than intercourse. Why do you see it that way?

WaspFactory Mon 07-Jan-13 11:05:22

Seeking - I feel that way, not sure why, it just feels like a really loving, romantic, intimate connection. Obviously sex is too, don't get me wrong, but it's also about lust and fulfilment.

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