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the whole thing is a mess

(26 Posts)

Relationships with all my family members are a mess and Im sick of getting the blame.

My mums sister told me I was no longer her niece just before xmas 2011. This was because my mum had stopped speaking to her for that whole year but never told her why. So when it came to xmas I tried (my mum knew I was doing so) to fix it. Instead of having a calm discussion, my aunt blew up in my face. Days of sreaming down the phone at me, leaving xmas presents on my doorstep, screaming at me in the driveway etc.

Then the two of them made up but I never got an apology and they pushed me out. But my aunt still wanted DD1 to go round for sleepovers while she "gave me time until I could speak to her again."

Then my mum refused to acknowledge my engagement or pregnancy, stopped calling me, ignored me if I brought up the wedding.

In may I had had enough and stopped trying to call my mum. Stopped going to the weekly dinner (I told her I was busy, didnt just not show up) and basically cut them out of my life.

I was pregnant until nov and it really got me down. I started to see that my mum has always been toxic and the way she favours my brother really gets to me. The fact that DD1 missed them really tore my heart apart.

Two days after DD2 was born I text my mum letting her know. DP encouraged me to as I was waking in the night crying about it. So they came round and now we are slowly speaking again. DD1 goes for sleepovers etc. My brother isnt speaking to me, but tbh I dont care. Hes a self centered arse anyway.

Today I saw my aunt in town, I was driving and she was walking. I waved. Then my mum was round this evening and I mentioned that I had waved.

So she starts into a whole rant "Are you going to go and see her? Shes been texting you all summer, she thinks you arent talking to her." etc etc.

Why cant they see how upset I was and still am about the hurtful things last year? I know its been a year and I should get over it. But Im so sick of them always blaming me when all I try to do is be nice and get on with everyone. But yet they still find me in the wrong. If she thought I wasnt speaking to her did she think why? Would she ever think of apologising and not cutting me out?

So now I have to go see her as if I was in the wrong and sit there feeling guilty even though I know its not me. If I say anything will she just blow up like last year? Then I will be worst in the world again.

colafrosties Tue 15-Jan-13 12:31:28

OP, your last post really rang a bell with me, I have a friend who could have written that post word for word.

The point I wanted to make is that my friend is now 48, and has been battling with this all her life. Only now has she made some moves to cut contact with her mother and is starting to seek help in the form of books and websites such as those recommended above.

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