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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DH not happy because I didn't do enough for his birthday

77 replies

PeppaPigStinks · 04/01/2013 22:01

I think i need to vent- somewhere!! Sorry i think its long. The last few weeks have been awful I have had hyperemesis and only just feel human again but am very tired. - it was dh birthday today and Although I bought a card, didn't have time to get dd to 'sign' it until he gt home. He has just said least he wanted was a card first thing this morning.

In the past I've bought him clothes, computer games and other pointless crap. He moans about it. Clothes have never been good enough and have gone back or not worn. He has just told me a present would have been nice. As money is very tight we get a certain amount to spend each month on ourselves - I put at least 20 percent of this away each month and managed to save 100 to get something for him. I suggested a year pass to the zoo so he could take dd and it means we have a 'free' day out for a year. I think he wanted something more for him which I can kind of see, but we don't do much activity based days as a family as money is tight. I had asked numerous times what he wanted and he said nothing.

I had planned to make a cake with dd today but he bought and subsequently forgot cakes for work this morning so I thought I'd just put a candle in them and sing happy birthday. However - my dad turned up and needed help with some DIY and friends popped in to give him a card while I was cooking tea for us all. Because of this tea was late, I couldn't do the cake prep and dd was shattered and had to go to bed!

We have just had a row and I feel utterly crap. Feel like I really struggle to keep on top of everything and he just doesn't notice or will pick fault in what I have done!

I know I've fcked up but really- was there any need to highlight it!!!

OP posts:

Report

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/01/2013 22:07

Is this a one-off or is he this unreasonable & bad-tempered on other subjects?

PeppaPigStinks · 04/01/2013 22:10

He moans about most things!!

OP posts:

Attackofthefiftyfootwoman · 04/01/2013 22:10

I think you should have made more of an effort to be honest. Putting candles on a cake he has bought is a bit off (sorry)

If you had time to help your dad with the DIY then you would have had time to do something small for your do on his birthday

PeppaPigStinks · 04/01/2013 22:11

For example- we had a row a few weeks ago because I forgot to put the milk the fridge. It was the end of the world!

OP posts:

ThePinkOcelot · 04/01/2013 22:12

How old is he? 4?

Really, who gives a toss about birthdays when you get to a certain age.

Is he usually this bad tempered and childish?

ZZZenAgain · 04/01/2013 22:12

have a celebration tomorrow?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 04/01/2013 22:13

He sounds like a spoilt brat. He's old enough to be a Dad he's old enough to look at the reality of the situation and appreciate what you have done, not what you haven't.

Kick him into touch.

Attackofthefiftyfootwoman · 04/01/2013 22:14

Disclaimer ..... My post is assuming the fact that you have a normally functioning and non abusive relationship

pinkyp · 04/01/2013 22:15

I do think its a shame u didn't do more for his birthday (I.e got dd to sign the card), maybe asked ur dad to pick u up a cake if u didn't feel well enough. Doesn't have to cost alot but it can't be nice having to buy ur own cake, no gift and getting ur card late and then having tea interrupted.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 04/01/2013 22:17

I'm also getting 'spoilt brat' from the description. Don't like people that 'moan' about everything. Yes, you could have done more but most grown-ups I know are way past expecting anyone to make a massive fuss of them on their birthdays.

Attackofthefiftyfootwoman · 04/01/2013 22:18

Dp obviously not do

katiemummy2012 · 04/01/2013 22:19

Your H is acting like a spoilt child opening the 'wrong' present!

I'd tell him straight he hasnt appreciated any of the past presents you bought him, money was tight and you didn't think he'd mind!

Attackofthefiftyfootwoman · 04/01/2013 22:19

Ok this might not be popular but assuming he is a decent chap and he has supported you through your rough time with your sickness then perhaps he expected something more

tzella · 04/01/2013 22:20

Eh? OP is pregnant and ill. Boohoo on second hand cakes and no present! Any decent chap wouldn't give a shit. And this is the latest in a long line of him being childish, selfish and ungrateful.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 04/01/2013 22:20

Awww,I can see his point.

He got no gift (the zoo is a nice idea but not really a birthday present, it's a joint present for all of you.), his card wasn't signed and he didn't get a cake.

He went about dealing with it the wrong way but perhaps he's upset and frustrated and didn't know how to communicate that properly?

He shouldn't have shouted, and I agree that most adults don't expect a fuss, but a card, a cake and a gift isn't really difficult.

tzella · 04/01/2013 22:21

Ok this might not be popular

No, I don't think it will be with anyone who actually read the OP

Attackofthefiftyfootwoman · 04/01/2013 22:22

Agree he should not have shouted but if it was me i would have been somewhat miffed. And to be fair i certainly would not have kept my gob shut about it, I would have had to have voiced my disappointment

VoiceofUnreason · 04/01/2013 22:22

OP - how would you have felt in the position was reversed and your DH hadn't done anything much for your birthday?

MrsPoglesWood · 04/01/2013 22:24

He sounds like a cock. Sorry but no one over 21 should get so mardy about not having the bunting put out for their birthday - particularly when their wife is pregnant and has hyperemis. Proper adult, grown ups do not sulk or throw wobblies because their birthday was a bit more low key than they would have liked.

You did not fuck up OP, you have other things to deal with. He should be fucking grateful that you are spending 9 months having his baby. Exactly how much trouble did he go to for your last birthday?

Attackofthefiftyfootwoman · 04/01/2013 22:24

I did read the op.

Attackofthefiftyfootwoman · 04/01/2013 22:25

Unless there is a back story to this that I have missed

Lilyloo · 04/01/2013 22:25

If you had time to do diy for your dad you really had time for dd to sign his card , sometimes it really is the effort rather than the gift.

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dippyDoohdah · 04/01/2013 22:26

agree, mardy arsed tantrum alert! he said he did not want anything! she arranged a zoo ticket, lovely idea, and has severe pregnancy sickness....
and cakes at each birthday for grown adults, come on!

Attackofthefiftyfootwoman · 04/01/2013 22:27

What lilyloo said

GiveMeSomeSpace · 04/01/2013 22:27

Sorry but I do think you could have tried to make more of an effort.

Should you really be helping out your father with DIY when you say you are struggling to keep on top of everything?

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