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Desperately want another baby, husband says no. Heartbroken.

(29 Posts)
cremecaramel27 Fri 04-Jan-13 09:30:56

We have a son who is nearly two and I love him dearly. I have always wanted another child, but my husband says no - he doesn't want to go back to the no sleep stage, and other excuses such as we don't have space, it's a financial burden, another mouth to feed... I'm completely heartbroken and devastated - we had always agreed on two children. I'm in my mid-thirties and considering leaving him as I don't think I can live with a life of resentment towards him. I don't think it's fair to bring up our boy with a mum that resents his dad, but then i also think is it fair to bring him up as a single parent? I don't know what to do. Please help!

Mu1berryBush Sat 05-Jan-13 14:12:52

@ maleview70, I think that is different because you said upfront you didn't want children and you've already compromised by having one. And that is more of a concession than a compromise really.

I'm 42 as well and far from envying men my age that they can go on having children, I feel sorry for them!! I know it's different for women my age who might be trying still, and not have children, but I'd hate to go back to nappies and all of that. I would HATE it. I want to enjoy what's left of young-ish adulthood.

In the OP's case I think it's different. It's not his second time around is it? He only announced after they were married with one child that he didn't want another. tbh in the op's shoes I think he was mentally checking out.

tumbletumble Sat 05-Jan-13 16:33:29

This is a really tricky one. I think it's a bit harsh for posters to assume your DH has checked out of the relationship. I mean, that is one possible explanation but it seems more likely to me that he's just found parenthood more than he bargained for and isn't keen to add to the burden. Selfish maybe, but not as selfish as someone who feels that way but still brings another baby into the world and isn't prepared to be an adequate father to him or her.

AlwaysOneMissing Sat 05-Jan-13 16:49:36

Perhaps it is these early years that your DH isn't keen on, and when your DS is able to talk, walk, run, have a conversation, play football etc with your DH, he may decide that he could have another DC after all.

A small baby/ toddler is hard work and pretty all-consuming. Once you both come out the other side your DH may get more enjoyment out of the relationship with your DS.

I agree with the pp who have suggested you wait a year or so then re-evaluate things.

Easier said than done though, I totally understand the strength of maternal pull when you crave another baby.

downindorset Sat 05-Jan-13 17:25:36

I'm not sure I want another DC - we have one DS, nearly 3. I'm 42 and the thought of the baby stage again is not enticing. We're at the stage now where I'm back at work, enjoy nights out with friends and DS stays with GPs for several days at a time a couple of times a year. It's a good balance between adult life freedom and motherhood and I'm not sure I want to rock the boat.

On top of that, finances are not that easy (although we don't struggle) and we only have 2 bedrooms. DS would have a lot more options from a money point of view if we only had one.

None of means we couldn't do it but all of it combined means I'm not gunning for another.

I can relate to the OP's DP tbh.

Is it worth leaving him for? Only she can answer that.

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