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Izzyizin,Lueji, Blackcurrants and all DV posters are you there?

(175 Posts)
Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 21:55:00

(old thread springaroundthecorner/Domestic violence, done the right thing now what?)

Sorry I know there are many others who have posted great support but have just choosen names that I have seen on the board recently.

Really asking for support. I went to the "appeal" today and it turns out to be full fucking new crown court trial. I was in Witness box for 2 hours plus 1 hour lunch break. I was called a liar about 50 times and I am in total shock.

It is not even over. It will continue tomorrow but I am done (In every sense.) It was so bad that the Witness Support lady said she would be reporting it to her manager and had never seen the like of it in a DV case before. I am not sure I should even be talking about it seeing as it is not over but as not giving details hope it is ok.

The court clerk type person - I know he wasnt and not sure of his title but he sat in and had a clip board and seemed to know a lot about procedure said that the barrister was v senior and that the judge was not stopping him because he would be afraid of procedural complaints.
He said that was actually a good thing as he would have brought it to a swift end for my sake should he feel he was going to have to overturn the original verdict. The CPS barrister was lovely and very kind. He said I had done well. My friend who came said that too but it didnt feel like I had. I got quite angry but they said I came across as decent and honest. I am actually embarassed as when the judge said we were stopping for lunch I said to him I cant do any more and he ignored me of course. He was kind at the end and I said thank you when he said I could go.
Sorry this is not very well written but worn out.

izzyizin Fri 04-Jan-13 21:03:40

You didn't 'lose', Spring. He did. He lost his soul in a Court of Law and, albeit that a grave injustice has been done to you, there is some justice in that.

AnyFucker Fri 04-Jan-13 21:10:37

The only way springy would have "lost" is if she was still with this abuser.

Lueji Fri 04-Jan-13 21:58:50

Exactly what AF said.

The law is a difficult beast because it depends on evidence and presumption of innocence.

What matters is that you got away from him. His control ended and you are (about to be) free from him.

Keep up your strength.

HappyNewHissy Fri 04-Jan-13 22:39:45

“The only way springy would have "lost" is if she was still with this abuser

oh god yes, this!

We always win in the end, they can't control our thoughts, our happiness, our true friends, our hopes or dreams. Not when we're free...

Fuck him. We all know what he is, and so does he, deep down.

He'll always be a loser.

izzyizin Fri 04-Jan-13 22:47:04

He was convicted on the evidence presented to the Magistrates Court and has now been presumed innocent by the same evidence being presented to a Crown Court of Appeal?

Mmm. I wonder.

It seems to me that his conviction may have been overturned for another reason entirely and IMO Springy should obtain a copy of the Judgement at the earliest opportunity.

Springhasarrived Sat 05-Jan-13 00:27:19

Well I'm still here...Big thanks to OFT for posting when I couldnt but I wanted to let you know. Tears are streaming down my face now at all your kind words as well as the shared anger. It is particularly good feeling the shared anger. The system fucking stinks.

I've got to find some way of getting through this and going out and having a pizza was first step in the healing process. Just to feel like just another normal person out socialising on a Friday night was good.

There has to been some good to come out of this for me hasnt there? It is somehow got to be turned into something positive. How do I do this?

AnyFucker Sat 05-Jan-13 00:36:00

Are you a campaigning type, springy ? Could you start with a stiffly-worded letter to your MP ?

izzyizin Sat 05-Jan-13 00:45:20

Honey, when the good comes for you it is going to take the form of an prolonged shower of abundance raining down on you. .

The first step is to obtain a transcript of the Judgement which should be in the possession of the CPS within the next week or so. Once we know the ground(s) on which the Appeal was upheld, we'll be able to start turning this apparent negative into a big, fat, POSITIVE.

In the meantime keep munching those pizzas and, with each mouthful, remind yourself that you are, indeed, just another normal person getting on with your life and learning and growing from all of the negative and positive experienes that come your way.

Springhasarrived Sat 05-Jan-13 00:55:05

Yes, I have been to write the odd letter and go on the odd march in my time.

WTF do I want to say though, and WTF do I want her to try and change?

One small thing would be to make it the law that victims have to be informed as soon as appeals are lodged. Everything is weighed towards the abuser not the victim.

God I am so relieved to have other adults in the house tonight...

Springhasarrived Sat 05-Jan-13 00:56:50

Izzy could I end up feeling worse because the judge just thought I was a liar as his barrister made out?

AnyFucker Sat 05-Jan-13 01:03:32

Spring, take some time out, love.

When you are feeling stronger, start looking around for movements that object to the way women are disadvantaged wrt how they are treated by the Justice System when they try and make men acknowledge their bad treatment of them. The whole thing is massively biased towards men...you only have to look at the abysmal conviction rates for sexual assault, rape and proving male on female domestic violence.

If you are a feminist, there is much out there.

FayeKorgasm Sat 05-Jan-13 01:17:39

Spring I don't feel i can add more, you have already received advice from other more knowledgeable posters than me,but having read your thread all I can say is that you are an inspiration.

I have been through something similar and there is a bright future waiting for you. Hold your head up and be brilliant.

izzyizin Sat 05-Jan-13 01:55:25

That's a pertinent question, Spring, and on balance I incline to the view that the answer is 'no' and that viewing the transcript is not going to make you feel any worse than you did at the time you were told he'd won his Appeal.

However, were you fire off complaints to your MP or suchlike, and were they to take the matter seriously enough to obtain a copy of the transcript, and should this document imply that your evidence was unreliable, IMO you would feel infinitely worse than when you received the unwelcome news.

But, for reasons that I'm too tired to set out at this late/early hour, I very much doubt that, in the unlikely event your evidence has been deemed less than convincing, the transcript will baldly state that Mr Fucking-Twunt's Appeal is upheld is because the wonderfully courageous woman we know you to be his fragrant dw lied through her teeth.

Get some good zzzz's tonight, honey, and we'll resume tomorrow but please bear in mind there's no rush to formulate a cunning plan complaint or any other course of action at the present time.

izzyizin Sat 05-Jan-13 02:30:39

While they're in my disorganised mind, here are 2 additional thoughts:

1. It occurs to me that unless you have copy of the transcript you will be unable to refute anything the fuckingtwuntshitfacegobsite may say about it - and we can confidently put money on him crowing <aims Colt at fuckingtwuntshitfacegobsite's teeny tiny bolleaux>

2. Think tortoise and hare...

HillaryClitoris Sat 05-Jan-13 04:20:37

To Spring,

I am sorry that you have had to go through this, you will get through, you have support, take care, counselling and the love you obviously have.

Springhasarrived Sat 05-Jan-13 07:45:31

At the moment I do not have the strength to go looking for transcripts from the court.

Also I dont actually care what Twunt says. He did it and every knows he did because he is an agressive arsehole to everyone these days. He doesnt have any friends and OW is the same. I havent communicated with him since this day last year and my children are the same bar the odd incident. He confessed he did it to my daughter.

If he tries to contact me about this I will report him for harassment. His only available line of communication with me is email. I have a new email address and I keep the old one just so that he can email me if anything to do with property we still own together needs to be discussed. He knows I have a new email address and I have refused to give it to him. Once the divorce is finalised I will remove the address he uses from my phone and that will be the end of that.

Twunt might have got off but seeing as he got such a derisory punishment in the first place nothing has changed for him just as nothing has changed for me. He just paid a lot of money to get off but he was convicted in the first place, My friend who came with me says mud sticks. Anyone who doesnt believe me is not worth caring about.

Finally he wont be celebrating too hard when the bill lands on his door mat willl he??

izzyizin Sat 05-Jan-13 08:39:35

Forgive me - of course you don't have any strength at the moment and I apologise for having been premature in making suggestions that would more properly have been best left to a later date should you have expressed an interest in registering a formal complaint at the deplorable way in which you have been treated.

Unfortunately, I got somewhat carried away by the desire to bring the twunt to his knees this matter to the attention of those that are in a position to review current procedure in order to further the ongoing battle to ensure that, as been the case here and as it is for so many, victims of dv are not further victimised by the justice system that should serve to protect them.

As it is, you've rapidly reached conclusions that are as measured as they are accurate. The best revenge is to live well and I have no doubt you have already achieved this, and will continue to do so.

With regard to the cost of this farce, I sincerely hope the twunt's legal bills in no way diminish the funds that are made available in respect of your eventual divorce settlement.

ILikeWhisperingToo Sat 05-Jan-13 11:31:30

If possible, you have just gone up in my esteem smile
Your posts above are showing such clarity in the face of this bastarding bastard adversity.
You are a credit to your DC, I imagine you feel wrung out but - honestly - your strength shines through. thanks for you

Springhasarrived Sat 05-Jan-13 14:40:25

Thanks for the above posts. I had another little tear when I read them.

Today's issue is my 17 yo ds who was only 15 when the assault took place. I havent kept him informed as I wanted to protect him and he now is angry and frustrated that he was not given an opportunity to contribute to my case. I am not sure he could have and not convinced it would have been appropriate but the time has passed so no going back in any case. He is such a mature and sensitive young man that I am bursting with pride. I hate to see him so sad and distressed.

He reminded me of an incident which took place 2 years ago when I laughed at Twunt for a reason that any normal person who join in and laugh too, but Twunts response was to grab me by the collar of my coat and shake me and tell me not to ever laugh at him. He did this right in front of ds who had also laughed too because it was funny!!

He has made me promise I will tell him everything in the future and I have. There is nothing more I can do. So glad he is back at school on Monday for the distraction.

izzyizin Sat 05-Jan-13 14:59:11

Once this weekend's over and your ds is back at school, the lake will become calm and you'll soon be gliding effortlessly over it again.

Your ds's anger and frustration is understandable, as is your desire to shield him from the complexities of adult life that he'll be facing all too soon, and it's endearing that he's so protective of you.

Ultimately this can only strengthen your bond and, overall, I'd say this is another lose-lose situation for the twunt.

Springhasarrived Sat 05-Jan-13 18:03:35

I love the idea of a calm lake.

It has been great today to have company all day. It has stopped me brooding. I think I am going to have to ask for further help from friends to visit me over the next few weekends. I actually slept all night and I usually wake about 4 am and that's me for the night. Feeling safe perhaps?

The Dc's are lost to twunt forever now over this.

AnyFucker Sat 05-Jan-13 20:49:37

spring, you have much love and esteem coming your way from several directions

you know twunt knows and yes, he will pay mucho for his 15 minutes of "fame"

the stupid twat

you, however, will serenely glide on while all the time his webbed feet are paddling like fuck beneath the surface

Springhasarrived Sat 05-Jan-13 21:53:02

I saw him this afternoon. He didnt see me. I didnt even feel sick. Well, he is quite revolting but at least I was not sick with fear. He is a thoroughly vacuous excuse for a human being.

I really am taking great strength from everyone's words of support.

Allalonenow Sat 05-Jan-13 22:33:52

Dear Spring,
I can't believe that you have had to face such an unjust outcome; my heart goes out to you.
I don't have any advice, as I have never been in your difficult situation, but I hope you now focus on getting the very best financial outcome for yourself and your children, and that you fight for that with no holds barred.
Sending you strength and fortitude.

Springhasarrived Sat 05-Jan-13 22:48:02

Thanks Allalonenow. I will most certainly fight on for finances.

Long story but as you can imagine Twunt is pulling every lying trick in the book himself over them. Next court session on finances is June. Its a long road but I have very good lawyers onto it. I hope the long delay gives me strength. I've got to get luck on my side sometime and I could do with that being the time. I can see myself posting about this for a long time to come.

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