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Izzyizin,Lueji, Blackcurrants and all DV posters are you there?

(175 Posts)
Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 21:55:00

(old thread springaroundthecorner/Domestic violence, done the right thing now what?)

Sorry I know there are many others who have posted great support but have just choosen names that I have seen on the board recently.

Really asking for support. I went to the "appeal" today and it turns out to be full fucking new crown court trial. I was in Witness box for 2 hours plus 1 hour lunch break. I was called a liar about 50 times and I am in total shock.

It is not even over. It will continue tomorrow but I am done (In every sense.) It was so bad that the Witness Support lady said she would be reporting it to her manager and had never seen the like of it in a DV case before. I am not sure I should even be talking about it seeing as it is not over but as not giving details hope it is ok.

The court clerk type person - I know he wasnt and not sure of his title but he sat in and had a clip board and seemed to know a lot about procedure said that the barrister was v senior and that the judge was not stopping him because he would be afraid of procedural complaints.
He said that was actually a good thing as he would have brought it to a swift end for my sake should he feel he was going to have to overturn the original verdict. The CPS barrister was lovely and very kind. He said I had done well. My friend who came said that too but it didnt feel like I had. I got quite angry but they said I came across as decent and honest. I am actually embarassed as when the judge said we were stopping for lunch I said to him I cant do any more and he ignored me of course. He was kind at the end and I said thank you when he said I could go.
Sorry this is not very well written but worn out.

Hi Spring, I remember some of your story and I'm so sorry to hear that they are putting you through the wringer.

It sounds as though you are doing the best you can in a really difficult situation.

I've been through a DV trial and the treatment of victims (or crown witnesses as you become) is shocking.

I just wish you the strength to get through the remainder of this and hope your ex gets what he deserves.

<<hugs>>

Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 22:11:30

Thanks Married. I suppose it is over now and I am trying to take that attitude. I dont have to return to the court and all that remains now is to find out the verdict when it is over sometime tomorrow.

My barrister said to regard it as such. He said to go home and try and forget it. God knows long flashbacks will last. It was a long time after the first one and my sleep became appalling and nightmarish.

I do have a lovely GP and called him and he left me out some diazepan. i know it is a cheat to take it but when your heart beats out of your chest and breathing gets hard it does help.

Really appreciate the hugs.

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 22:13:57

Have you finished giving evidence, Spring? Are you expected to attend tomorrow?

freeandhappy Thu 03-Jan-13 22:14:39

How awful for you and well done for being so brave. Keep going. Things will get better soon.

Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 22:14:51

No its all over for me. Left about 3pm.

oldfatandtired1 Thu 03-Jan-13 22:16:16

Bump for spring. Appalling situation - bad enough to be going through the divorce thing without this dreadful state of affairs.

Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 22:16:33

I wasnt brave at all freeandhappy. I was sobbing all over the witness room. I went through about a roll of kitchen paper. I didnt cry in the court though. sad

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 22:17:43

Xpost. Will reflect on what you've said and post again shortly.

Did you have opportunity to speak with the CPS barrister before commencement? Were you able to tell him/her/anyone that you were told there would be a request for a non-molestation order to be granted when he was found guilty at trial in the Magistrates but that this did not come about?

freeandhappy Thu 03-Jan-13 22:20:01

That was a great thing to keep it together in the witness box. I admire you for getting away from the person who hurt you and trying.

Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 22:23:08

Izzy, no I didnt mention or even think of the order. I did get quite a time really with the CPS barrister. I was in totally fucking shock when I discovered it was a whole new trial. I nearly bolted and the time was spent on persuading me I could do it really.

The PC who took my statement also was there this time. She was supportive. Much better than last time AND he kindly came to speak to me afterwards to say well done. He was a very sweet man. Thank god for some decent men. To be verbally bullied by a middle aged grey haired pig like my Ex was excruciating.

Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 22:28:10

Sorry when I said he came t o speak to me afterwards meant male barrister not female pc.

HappyNewHissy Thu 03-Jan-13 22:32:49

Sweety, well done. Sounds like you were very brave, and you earned the right to those tears.

I wish you all the best of luck love, I hope justice prevails. See if you can raise the non-mol issue though, as it will help you in future.

Lueji Thu 03-Jan-13 22:38:40

Not much time now, but I've just noticed your thread and wanted to send a hug.
It must have been so tough.
But you seem very strong and I'm sure they are right in that you did well.

Why don't you take some time to yourself and unwind?

I hope it ends in a proper conviction.

Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 22:43:27

I will do Hissy. Tbh I dont care that much about the verdict. I have really lost sight of where I am in the pain of the process. I KNOW I did the right thing in reporting it but whether I did the best thing for me is anyone's guess. My friend who came to the other trial too said that after today she is not sure that she would advise anyone to go down this road if this is the way you get treated. The witness care lady agreed and said that this had to stop if they wanted to increase the number of victims coming forward.

We have an excellent female MP in our area and I will seriously consider telling her my story in the next few months.

HappyNewHissy Thu 03-Jan-13 22:49:30

Spring, izzy posted on another thread today about an MP that heads up DV support Services, I'll see if I can find it on the phone and copy it.

I'm considering campaigning for more funding/support/awareness raising. I do have some hefty DV peeps on my Twitter contacts, I might be able to ask them for support, plus my own charity connections. If you need help, I'll help.

HappyNewHissy Thu 03-Jan-13 22:53:33

Here it is:

If anyone one feels moved to bring concern about lack of provision and other issues which affect victims of dv to the attention of 'the authorities', a good place to begin would be to write to Ms Bridget Phillipson MP, House of Commons, London SW1A 0AA tel: 0207 219 7087, who is Secretary of the All-Parliarmentary Party for Domestic Violence which is chaired by Baroness Scotland of Asthal.

Alternatively, check your local constituency MP's website to see if they have a specific interest in DV - and, if not, ask why not as just about every constituency contains a branch of Women's Aid or related projects for victims of abuse.

Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 22:55:44

Thanks Hissy that would be wonderful. I am not sure what support I actually need other than being able to talk about it at the moment but I will let you know.

Equally I am determined that I will put something back into this in the future and would volunteer in anyway that would help. My ex would not be able to do this if he were poor. The fact is he can afford it so he is doing it ie paying someone else to abuse my whilst he sits and listens.

Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 22:56:36

Cross posted. I will write to her.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 03-Jan-13 23:03:30

Hello there springy

I am no expert on court proceedings but BOY I admire you so much

Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 23:07:26

God AF, you wouldnt have if you had seen me today. I was literally whining like someone who was attached to a bungee cord and was refusing to jump. Thats how it felt because I had done it once and I couldnt envisage doing it again. Everyone was basically saying you can do it, you wont actually die will you?!

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 23:08:17

The All-Parliamentary Pary on DV & Sexual Abuse doesn't feed into any support service nor does it have any teeth power as such, Hissy.

What it is is a talking shop form of think tank that can table questions in either House and, in some respects, gather information more speedily than individual MPs.

oldfatandtired1 Thu 03-Jan-13 23:11:14

AF - the courage Spring has shown throughout her ordeal is incredible. Divorce proceedings are bad enough without her ongoing DV history.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 03-Jan-13 23:13:38

I don't care springy...you are am inspiration. It doesn't matter what the outcome is now

Springhasarrived Thu 03-Jan-13 23:16:09

The thing I would ask for is that victims should be fully informed of court process. If I had know he had appealed (the appeal had to be lodged 21 days after the first trial) I wouldnt have had such a shock. I believed I was walking away from it in a straight line only to discover that I had been walking in a circle straight back into it.

Also no one told me it was a whole new trial until today. i was told it was an appeal and much shorter. Ha bloody ha...

Finally rich middle aged professional abusers are treated more leniently by rich middle aged judges as well as being able to afford fucking re trials and a good go at the ex again. He knew from the divorce papers I had been suffering from PTSD as a result of the first trial and I believe it was an opportunity to twist the knife.

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