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at the end of my tether...

(18 Posts)
BattlingFanjos Wed 02-Jan-13 23:48:26

I posted on here a while back about my ex texting me and generally being a PITA. I changed my number, spoke to a police officer i had contact with previously (regarding him) and had no more contact with him. (we've been broken up for months and months with no hint of us getting back together, he's even had a serious relationship since). No problem, until...

A few weeks back i was nodding off to sleep in bed when i heard banging, it was really loud (im in the attic room, sounded like someone was coming through the wall) thought it was the nextdoor neighbours so went down to have a word before they woke my DS. Nope, it was exp. Pissed up on my front step asking for money, then to sleep on the sofa then to charge his phone. I was so fucking angry!!! still am he refused to leave, i told him twice then rang the police to remove him. Which they did, no problems off he goes. I hear nothing.

Then tonight i got a text from him wanting yo talk because he is "he is going through a shit time" i was furious! Ignored it (took real restraint!) he sent another saying "ok fine ignore me" then another "no its not ok i need you in my life, you are the only person i trust"

I haven't replied. I have no idea how he has got my number as we have NO ONE in common, not one person i can think of. As it is I'll be calling orange tomorrow for yet another change of number, but seriously how much does it take to understand "Leave Me Alone!"

There is not part of me that feels bad for him or wants to help me. I am stuck in the incredulous "How dare you?" stage.

Sorry for the long post i don't have in RL to talk to because itjust worries them (he has been violent in the past) my poor boy has no idea and frequently asks if we'll see him again (not his dad and we didn't live together) who does this?!

Sunnywithshowers Wed 02-Jan-13 23:54:30

What a horrible thing to go through. sad

I hope you're okay OP.

BattlingFanjos Wed 02-Jan-13 23:58:12

Aw bless you. Thank you, i am smile its such a nice feeling to know that when he does these things (we were together 3 years it was frequent) I see it for what it is now, manipulation, rather than falling for the same old story over and over and again.

It's just very, very frustrating.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Wed 02-Jan-13 23:58:23

Who does this ?

Abusive people with no conception of boundaries

Ignore

BattlingFanjos Thu 03-Jan-13 00:02:27

Exactly! It really is just so ridiculous! I've ignored completely just silently seething its been around 8 months, quite sad he hasn't got the message.

I mean, yeah I'm amahhhhhzing! But come on! wink

ladyWordy Thu 03-Jan-13 00:11:03

When you've got an abusing, entitled stalker for an ex the words 'leave me alone' mean 'look, I'm still talking to you, so you might be able to get something more out of me.'

It has to be no contact, or he'll consider the 287 texts, phone calls, or whatever he made as the price he has to pay to extract a response from you. 8 months ignoring is good, but clearly he's got stamina. sad

Good for you for calling police on him.

I'm so sorry you're going through this Battling. brew

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 00:14:13

He just hasn't learned that if he engages in any trial of strength with you, you'll inevitably emerge victorious, has he?

Swat the twat away as you would a pesky fly, but it's a drag having to change your number yet again.

Htf did he get your number? When you talk to Orange tomorrow ask whether 'you' have called them because you've forgotten your number or some such, or whether it's published in one of the directories than can be accessed online.

If not, you do have someone or some place in common he's able to con into giving out your number.

BattlingFanjos Thu 03-Jan-13 00:17:49

Lady you are right. It just does not compute with me because I am not like that. The last time I posted ranted on here I had replied (big, sweaty reply to a text) and that is obviously how he saw it. After lots of good advice from MNers kick up the arse I haven't once replied. Didn't even open the door when he arrived.

Thank you smile It's just draining now. Will be looking at next steps if it continues, I will not live like this.

BattlingFanjos Thu 03-Jan-13 00:22:50

Izzy I never thought about that, was too busy trying to work out who it was grrr. Will speak to Orange tomorrow and be more careful who gets my new number. I hope it was someone he conned rather than someone just handing it out.

I'm sticking with the swatting, he really is just an annoyance not really having an impact on my life. I just think the last time I changed my number he turned up at the house, so should I move too? No chance. He's got some nerve I'll tell you!

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 00:29:45

He's got your number from somewhere, and if he can get it once....

Albeit it's not daily, neverthless it's still a case of ongoing long-going harassment and maybe you should sic the police onto him again?

If he's used some deceit or other to get your number and stalk you by text, they're best placed to deal with it and they may have some idea as to how he's managed to get hold of the info.

BattlingFanjos Thu 03-Jan-13 13:19:30

I am going to speak to the police now. I really have had enough. It just seems that whenever I think its over up he pops again. I am so tired of this now. I want to kick off, shout and scream and call him all the names under the sun but won't. Number is being changed as I type. Had messages most of the night and morning. He's now threatening suicide, he's really going textbook on this one! I don't believe he is a danger to himself but will be letting the police know what's been happening and ask for someone to have a word. I'm now just stuck with the anger, he's in my head yet again.

Sunnywithshowers Thu 03-Jan-13 13:42:54

My XH used to threaten suicide too, what a shit. Good luck with the police, I hope he fucks off to the far side of fuck etc and leaves you alone.

SmellsLikeTeenStrop Thu 03-Jan-13 14:10:36

do you have a contract phone? If so, he could have gone through your rubbish and found your number on a letter from your provider?

BattlingFanjos Thu 03-Jan-13 14:19:55

I don't think that's what happened but can't be 100% sure (I'm usually very good with shredding after a near miss with identity fraud). However he got it, im doing all I can to minimise the risk of it happening again.

sunny it really is just a shit thing for someone to do! Like it's really going to make you think "Hmmm yeah we should give it another go"

I am very lucky to have a lot of faith in humanity thanks to good people around me. I hate to think of people having to go through this crap on their own, its so hard anyway!

Allergictoironing Thu 03-Jan-13 15:22:45

You may well have to get a restraining order put on him, with the threat of prison if he breaks it. He's certainly acted in such a way that you have proof he's stalking you and harassing you.

izzyizin Thu 03-Jan-13 15:54:53

I'm glad you're going to go back to the police on this. He sounds irrational and, while I have no doubt you can deal with him, it's in your best interests to alert the police to his behaviour.

BattlingFanjos Thu 03-Jan-13 16:13:04

Exactly. Allergic I think that the police going and having a word will be enough but I have no issues following it to a restraining order/harassment order whatever if it isn't.

Izzy That's it. I am more than capable of dealing with him but I really shouldn't have to. Plus he IS acting irrationally so I can't guess what he will do next.

BattlingFanjos Thu 03-Jan-13 16:13:50

Thank you for all your replies. It really helps just to get it all written down and be backed up!

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