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Forgotten how to handle flirting

(101 Posts)
donnasummer Tue 01-Jan-13 11:03:05

I've been single since the dawn of time. Busy with work, dc. Happy with it, no time for anything else. Then, last night there was someone at a party .. kept flirting with me, kissed me .. and I panicked! Basically froze him out the rest of the evening, it was like being 18 again. It was a small group of friends, mostly in couples, so the kissing stuff was a bit of of place. He and I were the only single ones and it was NYE ...I liked him and was attracted to him but I literally didn't know what to do! Life is just too busy to fit anyone else in and I really am too old for one nighters. I've been on my own with dc this Xmas, then they went to their dad's; I must admit I've felt a few twinges of lonliness. I had more or less accepted that I was over and done on the romantic side of things so it was really disconcerting to think that someone found me attractive, even with the beer googles on. Life is so much simpler when it's just me .. and yet, am I cutting myself off from potential happiness as well as a lot of hassle? It made me realise how useless I am with this side of life. And how I miss having someone, really. How would mnetters handle being kissed at a party? That's it, really. It's a ridiculous question from someone in their forties - years ago I'd have been fine but last night it totally threw me!

donnasummer Wed 02-Jan-13 13:24:43

been working all morning, it really does seem a dim and distant memory now, I probably did dream it! all it took was a kiss to throw me off balance, which kind of shows I am probably best suited to the work and dc lifestyle that's been my safe haven over the recent years
if he likes me that much he'll find me, won't he?

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 02-Jan-13 13:25:39

Coward

donnasummer Wed 02-Jan-13 13:39:11

Sensible grin

bumhead Wed 02-Jan-13 15:29:05

I'm with Cog. Coward! Think how good you felt! Phone your friend and find out about him.

donnasummer Wed 02-Jan-13 15:49:24

oh, bumhead! well if I'm a coward, and he likes me, what does that make him? hmm? wink
my friend is having a family day today, I will call her tomorrow I promise if I still can't get him out of my head, cos it's really bugging me.
I feel v silly tbh
I wouldn't have looked twice at him online but there was just - chemistry. I doubt we're compatible in the sober light of day. He was probably just after a NYE shag tbh. How usual is it to grab a strange woman for a snog at a house party in your 40s? rather than asking for a phone number etc.
And yes it felt good at the time, buoyed up by a vat of champagne. But it feels pretty crap now, wasting all this energy on what ifs. I hate that part of dating. The more I think about it the more I like cog's solution. Maximise the fun and minimise the angst.
I've done about half a day's work and half a day's bloomin day dreaming. Am old enough to know better!

donnasummer Wed 02-Jan-13 15:50:37

I mean, if I'm a coward not to call then so is he, he has exactly the same option

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 02-Jan-13 16:23:25

Two cowards then smile You remind me of a couple I met on a singles holiday once. They clearly liked each other but he was too shy to talk to her & she was too nervous to talk to him. After a VERY long, VERY boring night listening to her prevaricating over what to do I ended up (almost literally) grabbing the pair of them, sitting them down at a dinner table and saying 'Fred.. meet Fanny. Fanny... meet Fred. You really like each other now get talking!!!'

I got a Christmas card off them seven months later and they're probably still together.

Cluck... cluck... cluck cluck... smile

donnasummer Wed 02-Jan-13 16:32:26

well, yeah, I get that, on a single's holiday at least you know people are looking out for partners, I am supposed to have given up!
he wasn't backward in coming forward on NYE with his tonsil tango

donnasummer Wed 02-Jan-13 16:33:06

I'll send you an easter egg if I ever hear from the bgr

Mynewmoniker Wed 02-Jan-13 16:51:20

If you wont ask him out for a drink we will! (on your behals of course) Get your friend's number on here now! grin

Life is too short!

Mynewmoniker Wed 02-Jan-13 16:51:47

behals???? =behalf grin

bumhead Wed 02-Jan-13 17:00:06

He might be a bit shy. And if he was just after a NYE shag, he wouldn't have been careful about kissing you in private.
Maybe he didn't think you fancied him in the cold light of day.
You never know, he might be kicking himself right now for not asking for your number, like you said it was difficult to do that yesterday with kids/people every where.
And if there was chemistry...well in my experience that's worth it's weight in gold!
Phone your friend tomorrow and at least get the low down on this guy. Or give me her number, I'll phone her for you! grin
If you contact this guy and ask if he is interested in a coffee and he says no then you haven't lost anything, it's his loss. But what if he says yes?? grin

donnasummer Wed 02-Jan-13 17:01:46

I've got a better idea, I'm gonna call it aversion therapy
I'm going to drink half a bottle of white wine and watch Cary Grant til the very idea of romance makes me teeth ache (in chic lit films - you there chimchar?! -this will bring him to my door with a big bunch of exotic blooms and a bottle of jack daniels quicker than you can say, oh, I dunno - cary grant. In real life it will make me so sickened with boredom I will be able to go in to work tomorrow a new woman). I am going to top this up by reminding myself of all the things about him that could really begin to grate - I mean, come, who dresses as a friggin chicken?! and all the pitfalls, like us both being middle aged with children and all the potential complications of that. Only if this fails will I call my poor unsuspecting mate. I will know by the morning. OK?

donnasummer Wed 02-Jan-13 17:03:34

bumhead if he says yes, obviously I'll be on here like a gibbering wreck again instead of pursuing my normal statesmanlike existence, so that would be really bad and would drive poor cog right up the spout

glitch Wed 02-Jan-13 17:20:44

Thank you for posting your saga. It is giving me hope from the land of 40 and single (now get his number!!!). grin

donnasummer Wed 02-Jan-13 17:27:31

glitch hope is our enemy! back to 'Notorious'

chimchar Wed 02-Jan-13 22:56:09

Oh fuck! I missed this still going!!!

It's bloody obvious you luff him. wink

Put your Bridget jones pants on, and sob into a wine glass...he'll come running!!!!

Aww. But seriously. Get some feedback from your friend and report back.

donnasummer Wed 02-Jan-13 23:11:08

Nope, I've done the old dressing gown and even older film routine, and he still hasn't shown up! grin
so now for the things that could grate
I suspect he may be public school, he wears silly hats, then there's our respective dc and logistical complication, he repeated anecdotes and looked pissed off when I reminded him, he persuaded me to try on a wonder woman outfit, he used the word 'hot', then there was all the snogging and at one stage he suggested going into the garden shock. I think he was after a shag and had me down as old and desperate (correctly, as it turns out grin). I really really don't want to chase him.
But a promise is a promise and I will sound my mate out if he is still in my head tomorrow!

chimchar Wed 02-Jan-13 23:15:33

Well ok. That's a deal then.

Find out...if he likes you sober, can we consider a little coffee date?

I need to see some lovely romance. There is not enough love in the world.

I'll get my coat! grin

donnasummer Wed 02-Jan-13 23:24:45

he had the delights of seeing me hungover sober the next day and he didn't seem all that impressed
I am middle aged and I look it. I live in a patchily pebbledashed semi that needs work doing and isn't very tidy. I shop on ebay. I don't have hobbies unless you include writing unpulishable novels. I have spend the day in my dressing down, albeit doing some work online. I have a dd and a very difficult ds.
God love us it will take a lorryload of the old romance to sugar coat this!

glitch Thu 03-Jan-13 14:44:20

Any news?
I have no excitement in my life so relying on yours instead grin

donnasummer Thu 03-Jan-13 22:16:12

nada, glitch no excitement here either. Last night's aversion therapy did the job. I got up, went for a run, went in to work then on the way home a friend invited me for curry so only just got in. If there are any developments I'll update the thread. I'm happy smile. Three cheers for sensible!

donnasummer Sat 05-Jan-13 21:09:39

feeling a bit smarter, physically and emotionally - hurray for the sales!
OK then how should I put it to my mate? i liked your friend? ouch, cringe

donnasummer Fri 15-Feb-13 18:15:58

ok update
no further contact except for a brief sighting on a busy family occasion
flowers on my doorstep yesterday and a card with a joke about snogging - no idea who it could be from but have not snogged anyone else?

GreenEyedGirlxxx Sat 16-Feb-13 19:17:01

I've just read this. Have you found out who they are from?? Have you heard from him? Are you going to contact him...?

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