Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

HELP!

(21 Posts)
christmosschops30 Mon 31-Dec-12 09:05:17

some of you know me and Dh not having the best of times.
This morning he started the poke me in the back thing, saying he'd had a dream, was horny etc.
I said no, the kids were around, were at my mothers and the last time we had sex I felt like he raped me hmm

It's not the first time I've said this. Which is why we haven't had sex for 3 months.
He's now gone mad saying how dare I say that to him, how would I feel if he called me a child molester! And that if I say no 20 times then stick my bum out and let him carry on without moving then I obviously wanted it.

Thoughts please

TrazzleMISTLEtoes Mon 31-Dec-12 09:08:20

Thoughts?

Does he have any redeeming features? Because it sounds as if you would be better off rid.

It felt as if he raped you? He thinks you sticking your bum out means you want it?

I don't know your back story but I am nervous for you.

christmosschops30 Mon 31-Dec-12 09:12:13

I'm shocked that he's making it about he feels rather than discuss how I felt hmm

VestaCurry Mon 31-Dec-12 09:15:45

Has he always been so selfish? Am horrified at his treatment of you. Feeling as though you have been raped means you were essentially sad.
I am nervous for you too.

TisILeclerc Mon 31-Dec-12 09:18:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Mon 31-Dec-12 09:24:08

He sounds terrible. You're clearly just a handy vagina to him.... no thought for your feelings. Any particular reason why you're still with him?

trustissues75 Mon 31-Dec-12 09:29:26

Oh yes....I said this to the ex once...he was wounded terribly and couldn't believe I'd said it. He probably couldn't because, just like yours by the sounds of it, couldn't have cared less about my feelings and my emotions didn't even register with him unless it suited him.

It was all about he felt about what I'd said...not about the feelings behind my saying it...just like yours.

What a cunt.

Really sorry you're with such a selfish man.

Hugs

christmosschops30 Mon 31-Dec-12 10:33:46

I wish I could just forward through all the shit that would come with a split

trustissues75 Wed 02-Jan-13 16:11:38

OP how are you?

christmosschops30 Wed 02-Jan-13 19:30:41

I'm still here, still miserable and still don't know what to do hmm
But thanks for asking

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Wed 02-Jan-13 19:34:55

Thoughts?

Leave him. No more thinking to be done.

cozietoesie Wed 02-Jan-13 19:36:49

You have to start thinking about it, OP. Do you really want another year of this?

cozietoesie Wed 02-Jan-13 19:37:52

When I say 'thinking about it' I mean the pure mechanics of it, of course.

christmosschops30 Wed 02-Jan-13 19:42:40

I have thought about it, and had a chat with a friend who confided she is in the same position.

Ideally in a years time I would like to be separated, living back home with a nice little house for me and dcs

I have no idea what to say, where to start or even if you can just swan off with your kids, legally speaking

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Wed 02-Jan-13 20:22:40

Have you sought any professional advice ?

happynewmind Wed 02-Jan-13 20:31:16

Mosschops, have been in your position. Sadly.
Nothing to stop you leaving him and moving out with the kids as long as you don't restrict contact.

if your thinking of moving a very long way away then he can stop you if he decided to kick off about it and it would be up to court to decide. They will likely let you go but you may have to do some of the travelling to arrange contact.

cozietoesie Wed 02-Jan-13 20:32:09

As above. You can often get the first consultation with a solicitor free - just to discuss how to go about things.

christmosschops30 Wed 02-Jan-13 21:04:42

No not sought any advice yet.
I have an assignment due in this week and an exam next week so just need to get them out the way.

I would be 6 hours away by car, would absolutely not restrict contact. Would I need a court order?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Wed 02-Jan-13 23:31:24

If you don't seek professional advice, then you will still be fruitlessly shouting for "help" from internet strangers for every abusive thing he does to you this time next year

trustissues75 Fri 04-Jan-13 10:13:08

Take it one day at a time, chops.

It's a lot to deal with. Don't start worrying about court orders just yet...unless he's going to be an arse it's unlikely you'll need to go through that. Baby steps. Solicitor.

Hugs

Trust

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 04-Jan-13 10:22:54

Book an appointment with a solicitor specialising in Family Law timed after your exams. Many offer a free half hour and you will get lots of very useful information because you situation is by no means unique.

Take some time to work out how you'd be fixed financially by checking resources such as the www.turn2us.org.uk Benefits Checker, the CSA calculators and so on. You may be better off in that regard than you think.

'Knowledge is power' and the more information and advice you get, the less you have to guess and make assumptions.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now