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this post is just for me - doesn't matter if you answer or not!

(115 Posts)
stuffitunderthebed Mon 31-Dec-12 01:04:36

Relationships board - it is just before New Year and - have reached an ephipiony! I am ditching DP. On New Year's Day. Symbolic? Yes, cruel? Maybe. He cheated on me on his stag less than two weeks before wedding. We are 5 months on - he has turned himself inside and out to make things right. It isn't right, it never will be. Faithless twat. Happy New Year everybody!

foolonthehill Sat 05-Jan-13 21:23:47

Keep the name flowers or not brew the truth is that you are worth a thousand of him .You posting again to say that you believe that now makes me grin.

<<pom poms> and a ((((hug)))))

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Sat 05-Jan-13 21:24:42

tzella - well done you!!! I'm so glad you got there in the end.

People shouldn't be afraid to post for what others might say sad Yeah, you might get the odd numb nutz putting the boot in, but the majority will be supportive. Christ, most of us who post on these threads have been there before you and can only give advice because we've walked in your shoes!!

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Sat 05-Jan-13 21:26:50

StuffIt - I wouldn't encourage him too much. An Ex 200 miles away is much better than an Ex 2 streets away - especially when you still love them and still find them attractive. He's an adult, he's making this decision - if he wants to go back 'home' - let him. Really, it will be much easier for you in the long run, even though right now you feel you want to keep him close.

Midwife99 Sat 05-Jan-13 21:35:54

Yes I agree - it will be heart wrenching to watch him move 200 miles away but it'll be really tempting to have him round the corner when you still love & fancy him so much. A clean break might be more painful but ultimately more freeing for you.

tzella Sat 05-Jan-13 21:36:30

Thank you Chipping thanks

Of course you're right about the name changing but I do think it's natural to be loathe to be seen to go on and on and not be seen to take a the excellent advice and support given here on board. As others posters might say "You must be so exasperated with me" and I'd hate anyone to get overwhelmed and feel they had to hide or leave sad

stuffitunderthebed Sat 05-Jan-13 21:43:17

I'll maybe name change in future for a fresh start. Just for myself. Silly but I sometimes can't even bear to check Threads I'm On if I've a thread going. I don't want to see what people have said. Makes it all real again. We're civilised at moment because we're both numb. Had a lovely christmas together so this is a bolt out of blue for him. He's done all the right things, we've been incredibly happy. We even had an amazing time on our 'honeymoon'. But it lurks. And it's always there. I suppose at back of my mind I want him to stay in area so that if in six months or something I find it doesn't hurt anymore and its meant to be, then it can be.

MagicHouse Sat 05-Jan-13 21:58:03

Hope you didn't think I was laughing at you, or at what happened! It was the comparison of posting on a "life without a tumble dryer" bit that made me laugh! I think that when people post on here with difficult stories, most people reading just hope everything works out for them, rather than judging. I hope you can work this out.

stuffitunderthebed Sat 05-Jan-13 22:02:34

Oh of course not magichouse! I was laughing at myself. One of my coping mechanisms is humour. I'm the clown at work. I'm genuinely pleased I made you laugh. Please don't worry - hard to convey tone on here, isn't it?

MagicHouse Sat 05-Jan-13 22:28:24

Oh that's good! Your comment is still making me laugh out loud! I obviously need to get out more! I don't know you, but I think things will work out for you - I think once you decide you're worth respect, then you find you start getting lots of it from people around you in your life. I can imagine you posting in a couple of years time having met some kind, gentle man, advising people who are in a similar predicament to the one you're in (as well as advising people whose dishwashers and tumble dryers have broken down not to worry and to get a life) grin

Proudnscaryvirginmary Sun 06-Jan-13 08:30:16

I wouldn't name change.

Yes I will remember your name and why I remember.

But I remember many, many other posters for one comment or one experience. There are two posters I 'know' whose children have died...I can't ever not remember that but it doesn't prevent me from seeing them as multi faceted people having a laugh or a grumble etc.

Be proud of who you are and what you've achieved. I'm in awe of someone who can do what you're doing when you are still in love with him.

Go, sista! <punches air in too-much-coffee stylee>

Proudnscaryvirginmary Sun 06-Jan-13 08:36:15

Oh and I know I said hi to you and asked how you were on another Relationships thread. I won't do that again - you can do without constant head-tilty, sympathetic questions I am sure!

Midwife99 Sun 06-Jan-13 09:51:14

I don't think any of us feel "pity" for you - I think it's more of a well done for coming through it kind of admiration. But I understand if you want a new name/fresh start if course.

HappyNewSkyebluesapphire Sun 06-Jan-13 14:08:00

Hi stuffit. I can't believe I missed this read, I didn't realise it was you..

Well done. You have made a very difficult decision, but you have made it for yourself. It doesn't matter what anybody else says or thinks. It is your life and your feelings. It sounds like he has tried hard to make it up to you, but if you cant forgive and forget, then it will NEVER work out in the long term.

This is why we were all so insistent that you should not go ahead with the wedding. It would make everything so much harder to deal with now if you had to file for divorce.

Half of me would like nothing more than for XH to knock on my door begging forgiveness and wanting to come home, even now. But the sane half of me knows that I would be constantly checking his emails, phone, facebook and everything. I would always wonder if he was in contact with OW when he was out of the house. and even if I did check everything, he could have more secret email addresses etc. I would never ever trust him again. Ever. and that is no way to live a life or a marriage.

You are young, you have plenty of time to meet somebody else, somebody who will love and respect you and not cheat on you.

Well done for having the strength to make this decision and for sticking to it.

It won't be easy, but we are all here to support you.

BerylStreep Mon 07-Jan-13 16:20:37

Hey Stuffit ((((hugs hun))))

blush <hangs head>

At least he has had the decency to try to make up for it. You have both tried everything, but the trust has been broken.

wine, duvet, exercise & Marion Keyes books are in order.

Ruprekt Mon 07-Jan-13 23:29:00

How are things?

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