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this post is just for me - doesn't matter if you answer or not!

(115 Posts)
stuffitunderthebed Mon 31-Dec-12 01:04:36

Relationships board - it is just before New Year and - have reached an ephipiony! I am ditching DP. On New Year's Day. Symbolic? Yes, cruel? Maybe. He cheated on me on his stag less than two weeks before wedding. We are 5 months on - he has turned himself inside and out to make things right. It isn't right, it never will be. Faithless twat. Happy New Year everybody!

Fanjango Mon 31-Dec-12 01:06:20

If you can't live with it then you are doing the right thing. New year, new start. Good luck!

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla Mon 31-Dec-12 01:06:40

Stuffit did you post about this at the time? Your story sounds familiar.

BettySuarez Mon 31-Dec-12 01:06:48

He cheated on you on his stag night? Dear God sad

Imabadmum Mon 31-Dec-12 01:06:53

If its over then it's over. Something's can be forgiven, but forgetting is much harder.

Hope 2013 is good for you, good luck.

stuffitunderthebed Mon 31-Dec-12 01:09:48

Thank you Fanjango. I know I sound flippant, I'm not - love the actual bones of him. But can't change what's happened. Bless him. He has tried so so hard to make it up to me. But if he really loved me them it never would have happened in first place. Self respect is returning and I'm changing.

Booyhoo Mon 31-Dec-12 01:10:38

if you know it then you know it and ending it is the best thing for both of you. he may not see it that way, not ever but you shouldn't be swayed by his feelings. you have to live with your own. do what you need to do and have good people around you. good luck OP. well done for taking control.

stuffitunderthebed Mon 31-Dec-12 01:11:26

I posted at time - reached a 1000 posts in about four days. Was hell on earth

izzyizin Mon 31-Dec-12 01:13:27

Oh honey, am I ever relieved for you!!! grin

Only the other day I was tormenting myself musing that the festive season might have worked its illusions magic and convinced you to set a date in spring.

<falls to knees and shouts 'Hallejulah'>

blahblahblahyah Mon 31-Dec-12 01:13:57

Don't wait! Do it today - New Years eve - and start fresh on 1st Jan!

No time like the present.

OrangeLily Mon 31-Dec-12 01:14:23

Did you end up marrying him then? It sounds like you did.

Good luck ditching the stupid man. On his stag do??? Dear god.

Fanjango Mon 31-Dec-12 01:16:41

Sounds like the decision comes with the newfound self-respect! Go for it. Putting up with bad treatment is a symptom of not feeling good enough to deserve better, you are on the road to a brighter future.

MrsMushroom Mon 31-Dec-12 01:18:42

That's so sad.....that he cheated on you I mean. Not that you're ditching him. Good on you Stuff you sound brave and determined. I'm not sure I could be so strong. Mind you I would be FILLED with poison if someone cheated on me like that.

Its hard to move past infidelity. Do you have children? How are you planning to manage practically? Are you ok for a house?

rubyrubyruby Mon 31-Dec-12 01:19:46

Did you find out before the wedding and still marry him?

izzyizin Mon 31-Dec-12 01:21:31

So the deed is yet to be accomplished?

<feels heart sink>

stuffitunderthebed Mon 31-Dec-12 01:24:45

I can't fully explain it izzyin it seems to me like he has given all he has to give... He has cooked, cleaned, fussed, loved, cared. I've had every flower and chocolate and scent known to man given at random times. Over the festive period he has excelled himself! More thoughtful gifts than you can shake a stick at! He remains a handsome, sexy, funny man. But I look at him and he makes me sick

izzyhasanewchangeling Mon 31-Dec-12 01:25:53

GO stuffit GO stuffit

Darkesteyes Mon 31-Dec-12 01:26:04

Stuffit i remember that thread. I remember posting something in response to what your dad said about it. My parents have similar attitudes and i just saw red. Im sorry if it upset you at the time.
You sound like a lovely woman though and you deserve SO much better than a turd who has no respect for women.

Darkesteyes Mon 31-Dec-12 01:28:03

The reason hes making you feel sick is because he.
a. cheated.
b. The form and circumstances of the cheating show he has no respect for women and NO flowers/meals out/jewellery/Chanel No 5 can change that.

Feckthehalls Mon 31-Dec-12 01:29:14

are you married already?

ChristmasNamechangeBridezilla Mon 31-Dec-12 01:29:15

Good for you.

Every cheater should read what you have just written and fully understand that their actions change the relationship forever.

His actions have tainted him. He isn't the man you thought he was and its taken you a little bit of time to process what has happened and properly understand the implications for your relationship.

You are very brave to admit this to yourself and now to him. Best of luck!

stuffitunderthebed Mon 31-Dec-12 01:39:48

I was, and still am so so fucking gutted. Sorry to be a soppy twat but I honestly felt like he was the one. He changed my life. He made me so happy. I've suffered from depression since finding out at sixteen I couldn't have children. He changed all that. I believed I could be happy with or without children. We had a perfect relationship. Fun. Adventure - we are always just firing off somewhere to have a laugh. How could he do this to me? To us? Anyway, less of the amateur dramatics. Its over. I will find a staid, faithful man and do ifv. Find a surrogate. Won't ever be the same. But I aint having my life and heart hijacked by a faithless. Weak and gutless wonder - however fit he is and however much he makes my heart and fanjo sing! Lol. - flippant-

izzyizin Mon 31-Dec-12 01:39:53

But I look at him and he makes me sicK

<feels heart rise again>

stuffitunderthebed Mon 31-Dec-12 01:59:47

darkesteyes you didn't offend me in any shape or form. Thanks for posting. I appreciate it. To anyone who is worried about the financial side of things - I earn twice what dp does. We live in MY house. He will go home - 200 miles away. Stupid fucking man.

Feckthehalls Mon 31-Dec-12 02:02:28

thank goodness you did not marry him.
wishing you strength to see this through.

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