Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
14yearold girl slept with 23yearild man(166 Posts)
This is not me!
I'm using different name, 14 year old girl-Jill
End if January I walked in and found jack ontop if Jill having sex, very disturbing.. these two people are well was really close to me. It's jills second time she lost her virginity at 13 but we found out a ciuple weeks after this happened.
Jills mum decided to ground her for two months and band her from seeing him for a couple if weeks until her 15th birthday.
Jill is my sister, my mum hasnt stopped her from seeing him he is around EVERY WEEKEND.
They lie on the sofa giving each other love bites, he sneakers upstairs at night until past 3am and he sets his alarm every morning at 6-7am to go upstairs .
I find it very weird but my mum is soft!! What shalld i di?
This isnt that unusual, when I was in my early to mid 20s I was well aware of men my own age having sex with 14 15 year old girls
I actually heard many of them usually 19 20 year old guys saying they went after young girls as they are easier to bed than women their own age
wrong? yes, but shocking? No.
Izzyizin you are amazing
ahh, op - I wish only good things for you in 2013, you sound amazing.
Fella thank you for the reply, my mum has started to sort the situation and knows she was wrong to not take responsability straight away.
I'm defiantly sticking to contraception as I'm having recurrent miscarriage testing in 3 months and they cant test if I get pregnant. Plus I know my background right know isn't stable enough for bringing up a baby .
Thank you JamieandtheMagiTorch . I agree Izzy's posts have been fantastic help.
OK, finally read the thread. Fucking hell, it's one of those that unfolds like a car crash in slow motion, isn't it?
I can do no more than repeat the excellent post from yellowtulips which says all that can possibly be said under the circumstances, and in the least judgemental way, which is something I clearly lack the capacity for, because this stuff depresses me so much.
So once more with feeling, from yellowtulips
Oh dear, what a very sad thread.
Sophie, firstly I am very sad for your loss. I think you have made a positive, wise and mature decision to get appropriate contraception (please make sure you do this and follow through) and focus on your education.
To respond to your post:
You love your mum, but you need to separate what you feel from her actions. She isn't being a good mum to you or your sister right now. There may be understandable reasons for this in respect of the pressure of care for other siblings and lack of support, but it is a harsh truth you need to accept.
This "man" pervert should not be allowed in the home and she needs to address this. She should not be placing a decision to call the police on you, that's her job.
I think as a start you need to speak to someone in confidence who can help you, such as the NSPCC or Childline. Find out what the options are and then speak to your mother and ask her what SHE intends to do next.
Good luck - I wish you all the best
Good luck OP
Great posts izzy
My miscarriages have nothing to do with this topic. Plus she doesnt know about the 2 at 7 weeks. I'm on birth control now and if you ask anyone I know tgey will tell you I'm a good role model to my family and others.
All you need to know is that we've started to control the situation and we continue to do so until Its sorted. My mum was scared because what happened previously and i do not expect any of you to understand that. All that matter is thw situation is getting sorted. Ou can say my mums a bad mum because you dont know her, shed do anything for her kids and she just melted underpressure. As for me being a bad role model, keep thinking that. The two jobs i want in the future are to help others. I've had 3 pregnancies doesnt make me a bad person.
So have u spoken to nspcc?
I have a 23 yo nephew who is extremely inexperienced with girls, and quite immature due to a history of various LDs, dyslexia, ADD and imho undiagnosed dyspraxia and AS.
I can imagine when he eventually gets a GF she will be quite a bit younger than him, but I hope he would not on any level think that someone under the age of consent was a viable proposition. And if he did, I would hope that my DSis and BIL would do whatever they could to put a stop to it pretty damned quick.
OK, haven't read the thread - just steaming in. If you are only 18 and you have had three MCs since April then you are hardly setting your sister a good example or are in any position to preach about birth control are you?
The man needs to be reported and your mother needs a good shake for enabling this to continue.
I don't think it is unrealistic to expect 24 yo girls to want sex with boys they love. I do think it is unreasonable for 23 yo adult men to take advantage of that. And more than a bit weird.
I don't think I'll bother reading the thread as I suspect I might find every aspect of it depressing.
And Izzy you have a screw loose if you don't think we have a collective responsibility as a members of society to report abuse. It is not just a mother or fathers role but anyone, aunt, sister, uncle, school teacher, friend.
It is beyond me how anyone can condone or facilitate the sexual abuse of a child and this is, bottom line, what you and your mother are doing unless you report what is going on.
What is going to make you take action? When you find him with a 12 year old?
Do you not think social services should be involved? I do, your mother is not fulfilling her bloody job description is she and obviously needs help. Either way i firmly believe that both you and she are complicit in the abuse of your sister by not reporting this.
Thank you izzy, I hope on one day becoming a midwife or even neonatal nurse to help those get through what I've been through but with more positive. My partner is very supportive of this and is hoping to expand on his business this year so having a baby is out of the picture for a while, which is the clever thing to do . I always try to be a good role model to my younger siblings, they mean alot to me. They'll get far because I'm going to be kicking them up the ass until they are who. they want to be [from]
Happy new year izzy, hope its a brilliant year for you
Firstly, it isn't Sophie's responsibility to protect her dsis WAE as that duty more properly falls to her dm and/or her df.
Secondly, as you clearly know, unless Sophie's dsis is willing co-operate the police cannot act in this matter and involving them at this point may cause the dsis to believe that she and her current sexual partner are 'star-crossed lovers' with a predictably negative outcome
Sophie's dsis is in need of professional help to enable her to understand what has caused her to enter into a relationship with an adult male who does not have her best interests at heart, and why it is inappropriate for her to be sexually active without using contraceptive protection at this time in her young life.
In doing well in her studies, Sophie can lead by example to her siblings by showing that education is where it's at and, to that end, I sincerely hope she'll be putting any thoughts of becoming pg again out of her mind until she's firmly established in a career of her choice.
Happy New Year to you, too, Sophie. I hope 2013 is the year you'll look back on as the one in which you came of age emotionally and began to focus on seeking fulfilment through educational achievement.
Your posts are slightly confusing but you definitely need to call the police.
Some years ago I found out that my 15 year old sister was seeing a 21 year old, she wasn't a virgin, she had just gotten out for a two year relationship, but I knew the 21yr old and knew he was trouble so I called the police. They didn't want to do much and my sister lied and said they they weren't having sex so he wasnt charged.
He became very controlling and I was very worried about DSIS.
It took a while (and the help of my sister ex) but we eventually convinced her to end the relationship, then things turned sour, he stalked her, for months, following her to and from school, waiting out side of her weekend job, leaving her presents and letters at the back door and on her window ledge.
The police were very helpful and in the end he was charged with statutory rape and sent to prison for just over a year.
He also gave my sister chlamydia.
Your sister is a child, it is your responsability to protect her.
I forgot about real names, and saying how many siblings I have! I'm going to leave this post now. Thank you all so much for your advice. I am going to speak to my mum today, I'm now on conception and my thyroid is apparently getting better so the new year is becoming brighter already.
I will make sure something is done about the situation, if my mum doesn't do something about it I will make sure as Jack and Jill's presence makes me feel really uncomfortable.
I'm going to change my user name back to something how it was but different. Thank you all for giving me the courage to do something about it Especially Izzy You're advice has been amazing and you say it how it is. That's what i normally do.
Happy New Year everyone . x
I'm truly sorry to harp on about names, sweetheart, but if you have any concerns whatsoever about keeping anonymous then perhaps it would be a good idea to ask MN to pull this thread and start a new one.
(Assuming that your given name in RL is Sophie, and that the male name mentioned in one of your earlier posts is your boyfriend's real name, and that your beautiful boy (RIP) was indeed called Riley - if all of that is true then you could almost certainly be identified, particularly as the sister of twins and a SN younger brother.)
Please do believe that I post this out of concern, and not as a dig at you.
Izzy's said what I would, too, Sophie, including the part about understanding why you wanted to keep Riley's nickname alive.
It's good to protect your sister and your mum. First, though, take good care of yourself - as the cabin crew says before take-off, "secure your own oxygen before attempting to help others". Keep talking and asking for help - and go for that distinction! Good luck
I've been there too Sparkle, same age. I'm in therapy now because of it. I have PTSD and suffer anxiety and panic. Please please help your sister.
Thinking of you Sparkle.
Surely the man shoul be reported to the police? He will move on to another child even if Sophie manages to get him away from her sis. He is a pedophile rapist and should be reported.
Sophie you've had plenty of good advice about your sister so I won't add to it.
I just wanted to say, please change your name back. If that's one of your ways of thinking of/remembering/celebrating your precious Riley then please don't let nasty comments on here make you change that. So sorry for your losses.
I was once that 13/14 year old. The 'relationship' became more and more odd and abusive and secretive. I still suffer MH issues as a result and have spent years in therapy. Call the police and report him, I wish someone had done that for me.
Well said Izzy.
Sophie please follow Izzy's advice.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.