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Staying in on NYE with the kids while dh goes out- anyone else?

(23 Posts)
Izpie Sun 30-Dec-12 19:01:16

Things have been rocky between dh and I recently (married 8yrs, 2 small dc). This year he's going out for NYE whilst I stay in, every other couple I know are spending it at together either at home or out. Just wondering if others are also choosing to be apart or if it's indicative of the state of our relationship?

Lueji Sun 30-Dec-12 19:02:38

I think it is indicative, yes.

Rindercella Sun 30-Dec-12 19:02:48

I would say that if you're not happy about it, that's all you need to know.

Did you arrange this by mutual consent or did he just make an arbitrary decision?

ImperialBlether Sun 30-Dec-12 19:11:44

I think it's indicative of the state of the relationship, to be honest. Any other night it's fine, but on New Year's Eve? No way.

Izpie Sun 30-Dec-12 19:15:34

He made the decision, tbh the fact he made the decision is more of a sore point than the fact he's going out. I'm out tonight so he says he thought that as I was out tonight it wouldn't be an issue that he's out tomorrow. Sigh.

I am sad for you , OP. It's a time for family to take in the bells together.

Maybe you should have a word and see how it's received. How do you really feel about it?

ArthurandGeorge Sun 30-Dec-12 19:20:02

It doesn't sound good tbh.

I wonder if he is trying to diminish the evening (NYE) because he doesn't want to have to reflect on the past year and the future?

penguinplease Sun 30-Dec-12 19:23:32

Well I disagree with everyone, if you can't go out together and he is in tomorrow night then what does it matter if he is out NYE? Its just a night, same as many others. Unless the rest of your relationship is shit then I hardly think this is a LTB moment.

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange Sun 30-Dec-12 19:24:45

It sounds as if you might both be happier going out separately than with each other.

If you want your marriage to work you are going to have to do better than that.

It's very easy to drift apart when the children are small sad

Sorry you are feeling like this, hope 2013 will be a good year anyway x

NinthWavingAtTheSnowman Sun 30-Dec-12 19:28:14

I'm staying at home while DH goes out with friends. I just can't be arsed to go anywhere,and we've spent the last 6 NYEs at home together so I don't mind at all if he goes out.

Lueji Sun 30-Dec-12 19:31:37

The last NYE of my marriage we spent it apart.
Because my DSis had asked us over, which was nice as DS could play with his two cousins, and they live literally 5min walking away from us. And it was only after dinner, so not a long time spent there.

Then-H refused to go and I went with DS, basically refusing to accept his manipulation.

bealos Sun 30-Dec-12 19:34:54

OP - are you bothered about him going out? if you are, then it's a problem. If not, then it doesn't really matter! As another poster says, it's just another night of the year.

Pick another day in January and go out on a lovely date together.

EleanorGiftbasket Sun 30-Dec-12 19:38:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePinkOcelot Sun 30-Dec-12 19:45:45

We are staying in, but I wouldn't mind if he went out and I stayed in. I don't like NYE!

notnagging Sun 30-Dec-12 19:50:31

You spend nye with people you want to. Sorry op

OnlyWantsOne Sun 30-Dec-12 20:17:29

DP and I can't go out (3 small ones) but we are having a "date" an going to bed with a bottle of fizz.

also putting the baby in her cot in the other room for the night

Sorry OP. if it upsets you you should tell him sad

financialwizard Sun 30-Dec-12 20:37:15

DH and I are staying in together with the kids. Drinking a couple of glasses of champers and celebrating. Unless either of us are working we don't tend to go out without the other unless it is with friends.

Adversecalendar Sun 30-Dec-12 20:40:38

We stay in together, DS is 11 he is allowed to stay up now he is older but has to go to bed between 9 and 11 for a rest and so we can have a couple of hours by ourselves.

Sorry op does not sound good.

Izpie Sun 30-Dec-12 23:22:47

Thanks for replying, good to read differing perspectives. I hope you all have a fabulous new year whatever you're doing & whoever you're with.

CalamityKate Sun 30-Dec-12 23:27:38

We've been together 13 years and for the last few years I've gone out with my friend on NYE. DH works in retail, NYD is one of the busiest days of the year for him and he's usually in bed by ten by way of preparation.

No biggie for us.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sun 30-Dec-12 23:30:59

Does he generally have more leisure time than you? Some men seem to consider that they are the only ones entitled to an actual social life, and that their wives/partners exist purely to do the housework and look after the DC.

BadLad Mon 31-Dec-12 07:58:19

I wouldn't be actively looking to spend it away from DW. But if we didn't have anything in particular planned, and then her colleagues invited her to a new year party, it wouldn't bother me - we'd just have the champagne some other time and I'd see in the New Year quietly. And - I've just asked her - she wouldn't mind the reverse, which is probably more likely to be the case.

As it is, though, we're staying in, with the champagne and a highly competitive Tekken tournament (fighting game on PlayStation).

Babsjansen Mon 31-Dec-12 12:47:33

We would never do this. Sorry. But for us the new year is a symbolically special moment. For other couples it is not.
I could understand spending it separately if, for example, you had a night out last weekend and babysat and now it is his turn. We do have friends that never come out together but each gets out equally. But, no, this arrangement wouldn't work for me and I would view it as a statement on the state of our relationship.

I guess only you fully know the circumstances and can judge.

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