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EXh is now blackmailing me, unless I hand him my Child Benefit

(79 Posts)
MsSavingPennies Sun 30-Dec-12 17:09:05

Sorry its long, I guess I need to vent too...

I hope I can get some advice and support as I am at the end of my tether, I wish my exh would move on, and leave me alone, though I am resigning myself to the fact that he never will :-(

I received a text on Boxing day (probably to deliberately to upset me during the holidays, which it did) It said he didn't want his son dressing like the pauper of his school or begging for clothes?? This was directed at me yet I don't let my ds want for anything. And so I should hand over my Child Benefit to him as he would so a better job! Then on collecting my ds yesterday, he asked me if I had the relevant info ie. my CB number so he can contact HMRC to arrange the hand over my child benefit to him, he told me he doesn't want to contest it through HMRC as all payment would stop (I don't care) otherwise an enquiry will begin? I asked what he meant and he said he will report me to Social Services?? I know this is blackmail. I can't believe he is stooping so low after 6 years! I moved 6 months ago from a rented property into a lovely new home with my dp, things are good, my DS enjoys this home, gets on well with dp's ds from a previous marriage, I am a good mum. I think my exh still wants to control me and will go to any lengths to be a SOB and upset us all. I know him, I'm sure if it is not this, it will be something else

When I left exh almost 6 years ago, I had nothing, it took 12 months to get any money from our separation, I rented an unfurnished flat, I had no beds for my ds and I, not a chair to sit on, nothing. I earned 1/3 of his salary and I struggled to build a home for us. Yet he would turn to me and say I am not giving any money towards a school uniform, shoes, jacket, I am not paying towards his karate classes or school trips, or anything! - he would tell me - 'you can pay for it you get child benefit'. I bought it all myself even though exh benefitted from it.

He said to me yesterday, you didn't want for anything. I was actually treated like a door mat. I did everything, looking after ds, all driving, cooking (I actually had to wake him when dinner was ready), cleaning, shopping, ironing, clean car and servicing etc, I was miserable, I realised he was manipulative and controlling. I could give so many instances when he was just was horrible. And I would be divorced but just to sort the finances cost thousands because he would not agree to anything and because I was working freelance I got no Legal aid. I know it is all Control! He is still single btw.

I won't speak to him on the phone because he is just horrible. I allow text's only to arrange hand over of our DS who is now a teenager. Though his texts of late cause me to get upset.

Would you had over the CB? WWYD? As I said any advice would be gratefully received.

Sunnywithshowers Sun 30-Dec-12 20:09:02

I'd suggest calling the police too - they take blackmail very seriously. They know that abusive partners / ex partners use it.

My XH used blackmail against my family to try to get me to go back to him.

Inertia Sun 30-Dec-12 21:04:51

Agree with above - do not give him CB, and ring them to explain what he's threatened so they have it on file. He is after the money and may well be planning to then try for custody and pursue you for maintenance.

You should put a CSA claim in, even if you don't think he'll end up paying.

I would report the blackmail threats to the police, so that that's also on record if he puts forward any malicious allegations.

As you are not divorced, do you have a will ? Otherwise , if anything happens to you, your ex has a claim on your property.

perfectstorm Sun 30-Dec-12 21:28:42

File a CSA claim! That isn't your money, it's for your son! He is entitled to it. And next time your son says you should pay for something, you get the CB, fire back that actually as his father has never paid a penny in child support you very much disagree. All kids that age know dads are meant to pay that. And no, I don't usually agree with involving kids at all, but at 14 you need to nip that attitude in the bud, as otherwise his beloved papa is going to warp his son's attitude towards women and mothers, and another woman may well reap the consequences later on down the line.

Please stand up for yourself. He's bullying you because you always roll over. Stop.

perfectstorm Sun 30-Dec-12 21:29:28

Agreed on the will, and also that you need to report all this to protect yourself.

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