Mumsnet Talk

I'm not single, but I do miss it at times. I love my DH & kids but I reeeaaaallly love it when I get the house to myself. I wander round Ikea and daydream about where I would move to (we live where we do because of DH's job), how I would decorate the place if I were single, eating when and what I liked rather than having to take someone else into consideration, going out without having to run it by DH, being me - an individual, rather than DH's wife. I do feel that I have lost a bit of my identity and I miss being independent. In fact, I'm quite envious of you OP

runforestrun - it can be tough sometimes, but it also has up sides too.

I've been on my own with the DCs for 10 years & these are the things I like:

I'm the boss - so the rules are my rules & I don't have anyone undermining me or arbitarily changing them

I have the entire double bed to myself - I sleep like a log, there is no one snoring, no one duvet hogging, no one fidgeting or twitching next to me. Just complete peace & space.

No negotiating to be done with regard to furniture, appliances, holidays or how the money is spent.

After the DCs have gone to bed, I have complete control of the remote!

I'm not expecting anyone else to help me, not hoping that they might lift a finger, not asking - I just do it myself, or it doesn't get done.

I'm not trying to mood change someone else. I'm not trying to shield the DCs from sarcasm, bad temper & shouting. Our house is calm & relaxing & not stressy.

Agree with that last sentence wholeheartedly Molepom

No more crap jokes that I'm obliged to laugh at.

No more paying off HIS debts.

I can eat what I want when I want, feed the kids what I want and have a takeaway when I want - FROM where I want.

No more having a smelly dump in the loo just as I settle in for a long hot soak and then leaving the door wide open...despite there being a loo downstairs he could have used.

NO MORE COMPUTER GAMES.

NO more finding "lost" car keys in the morning.

No more stinky cigarette smells in the house or moods when he was trying to quit (again).

HIS computer room is now DS's bedroom, OUR bedroom is now MY sanctuary.

No more waiting for years for jobs to get done. I just do it.

HIS tool shed is now THE KIDS shed soon to be my workshop/extension

There is more room in general, everywhere. I was amazed at the "space" he took up.

I can go to bed in the day without it meaning something else to him.

The bins, the DIY, the lack of sex, the responsibilty etc are still no match against the pro's of the single life, even with kids.

Oh, and me being young will stop being an issue. H is ten years older than me, and he was being patronising six years ago. I'm getting nearer to his age then, and it hasn't stopped, I get the idea that he would be patronising me for being only 70 as compared to his 80...

Oh, thats another thing - I will be able to to to things that may or may not be good. No worrying that they will be bad and I will get the blame :-)

I've spent the last few years being jealous of my single friends and their travelling and going to the pictures etc. Obviously I'd rather have kids and no traveling than no kids and traveling, but...

On Friday, the kids were with H, so I went to see Les Mis at the pictures on a whim :-)

Britta, your plan for mini-breaks sounds amazing. I'm nearly 47 and I'm living like a youngster, mostly with grace..., so you have oodles of fun ahead of you! Just go for it.

I write this while lying in bed, pain au chocolat in the oven and no-one to tut at me because of the time.

I realised something amazing yesterday - if he has the kids for a weekend at a time, I can go on mini holidays! I have friends and family all over the UK, or I could get a cheap hotel, and book trains massively in advance. I could go to London for £25 total I reckon :-)

I've never really done mini breaks. A rubbish boyfriend from 17-22 who kept me poor on purpose, then I met H and started having babies. I'm 28, I might get to actually do something like a young person before I am 30!

Not having to put up with anything less than an equal and respectful partnership.

I've never had one of those, and they sure sound nice, but failing that, I know that what I've got is pretty wonderful: good job, nice flat, wonderful dog, lots of friends, I always have things to do and people to see. Above all: I can do my own physical and emotional care-taking, and I am never again signing up to do anyone else's.

Show me a man who can stand on his own two feet, is available, and we are mutually attracted, and I could break my single statute. What I've got now is too good to settle for anything less.

Ah a fellow sufferer of the you listen to every tiny detail of my day but honestly dont bore me with yours raspberryfool ! I actually found that one of the worst things , he used to jokingly say thats enough about you lets talk about me so knew what he was like but carried on regardless

So this morning after having friends over for dinner last night I will be parked on the sofa most of the day on MN or reading the paper and nobody at any point will expect or care about the appearance of a full Sunday roast

Another.

Having and without being stared at as if I just crawled out of the gutter. <totters of to pour another>

I can honestly say the only thing I'd miss my DH for would be for getting rid of mice when we had the misfortune to have one a few years ago!

My sis lives alone through choice and I am ENVIOUS!

Me 2 , I raised my daughter alone , she is now 22 and just left home , AND I am loving it!, new found freedom , got a spare room for MY friends to stay , no more runs to the station , I just love my wee home and everything in it , from my cat to my sofa , having long telephone conversations with NO interruptions , there is so many positives to being single I say embrace it and enjoy your life because you really are better off and make more sustaining relationship with friends cos you can give them your undivided attention . Men come and go but real friends will stay with you and love and support you through thick and thin , be grateful for what you have now .

Its hard being single mum but there are so many benefits.

The house does not smell of cigarettes

no listening to his work day then walking off without listening to mine

no call when Im Sat in the car waiting to pick him up saying he's having a quick drink then rolling in at twelve with a horrible stinky garlic kebab

always having a clean toilet

always having loo roll on the holder

Watching whatever you want on tv

being able to eat olives without being moaned at

spending money on me and my dds without being moaned at where's my money then.

but most importantly being able to relax in my house without worrying when i will next do something wrong that will cause a character assassination to occur.

Bliss

The thought of being single is much scarier than the reality. I have always been in long term relationships then with exh for 15 years. He left a year ago and I was devastated - for two weeks. I am ancient (nearly 50) but have been able to let my hair down with girl friends, have the odd casual relationship, doss around in my dressing gown, not bother cooking, waste time on the Internet, anything I goddamn like. When he recently asked to come back, having realised the grass is not greener, I had to say no and I meant it.

Not listening to a running commentary on the shortcomings of every other driver during a car journey

Not dealing with all the revolting elements of xhs drinking

Turning off a film 15 minutes in without being told I am stupid and have no ability to concentrate and I always do that - er no I just know what I like

Not cringing at throwaway sexist, homophobic "jokes" /comments made within the DCs earshot ( still happens but I dont have to hear it)

The only thing I dont like is the DIY or fixing stuff but hey you can have a go or pay someone for that and as Ifyourhappy pointed out its hardly worth having a DH for that

Marking place. This is exactly what I need at the moment.

My bed. I love my bed.

Being able to do exactly what I want when I want to.

Husbands take a lot of time. I now have so much more time.

A better relationship with my kids.

Having a car which XH would not allow. We all love it.

Hanging out much more with lovely friends.

The only thing I don't like it's the bins. But it's not so bad as I thought it would be. And not worth having a DH just for the bins really.

I just joined the newly single/living alone club today.

I have crap tv on. I'm on MN without having to hide the screen.

I shall sleep alone tonight in the middle of the bed with the cats curled up peacefully on either side of me.

I'm waiting to realise the many other benefits other posters have described!!!

I never miss out on doing something I want to do.

What I mean by that is I used to say: "hey, H, fancy doing X, fancy seeing film Y". He'd reply in a non-commital way such that the 3rd prompt sounded like nagging and before you know it the film/show/exhibition had run its course. Then I'd try again with something else, with the same result. Now, if I want to see or do something I put it in the diary and go. No regrets, nothing. I was talking to a "happily married" friend the other day and her husband does the same thing to her leaving her feeling frustrated and like she has no say in their social life. I fear it's a common theme.

Also you don't have to share your chocolates

And the really vile one: no hard-as-fuck bogies stuck to the bath where he's cleared his nose mid-shower and not rinsed. Those bastards set harder than cement ...

Yes BornToFolk, your mum is right! And the toaster is always set to exactly the level of toastiness that I like and the heating goes on and off when I want it to... joy

Being on an even keel emotionally, not being at the whims of when you aren't getting on or you are getting on

No listening to the minutest detail of their tedious day only to see the side of a head when it comes to mentioning anything about your own

Having any number of reed diffusers that "stink"

Not feeling I have fallen short of expectation the whole time

Watching any TV programme without judgement

MN wasnt in my life back then but I can guarantee that would have be subject to ridicule

I was gonna say farting in bed to your hearts content but looks like someone beat me to it!

Farting unhindered.

Yes!

I find things get sorted sooner as you're not relying on anyone else to do them. Windows need cleaning? Ring a window cleaner and get them round. Whereas with a partner it would be all "Oh, windows need doing" "ok, I'll phone someone tomorrow", "did you phone that window cleaner?", "No forgot, can you do it?". Faff!

My mum says the best thing about living alone is that everything is always where you left it.