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I think it's time for me to either shit or get off the pot.

(71 Posts)
CrispyHedgeHogmanay Wed 26-Dec-12 18:22:07

Background
long term relationship ended in March, very shortly after I met a guy 10 years younger than me, we both wanted different things in the future so we've been fwb since then. He's been an amazing friend to me, got me through some really bad times this year - looked after me when I was recovering from surgery and again when something horrible happened. I would say he's my best friend with absolutely earth shatteringly amazing sex thrown in.

Now, he's told me he loves me. Wants to be with me properly. He's been incredibly generous with gifts and doing lovely things for me over the last few days.

I don't know what to do. I think the world of him, can't imagine him not being in my life, but realistically any relationship we have would have a limited time span - maybe 5-10 years because he might want to have children and I absolutely don't - plus I'm probably too old now anyway at 43. He says none of that matters, we shouldn't over think things and just see how things go?

CrispyHedgeHog Sat 27-Apr-13 17:38:01

Bit of an update.

Ended things very amicably with new man. Still on good terms etc etc, which is nice. I'm a lot happier on my own tbh, it's great not having to take someone else into account all the time and just do my own thing. I do get a bit bored/lonely at times but not unbearably so and I can usually find something to amuse myself with and snap out of it.

Exp was STILL emailing me telling me loves and misses me yada yada yada.. despite the fact that he has a new girlfriend. Called his bluff, said I felt the same way.. never heard from him since grin

Saw a therapist the other day (referred by gp) who thinks I have ptsd, so is going to see me for 12 weeks initially and see if I need more after that. I was surprised because I thought nhs counselling was restricted to 6 weeks.

Overall, I'm feeling pretty positive. Knocked the drinking on the head apart from socially and feel a lot healthier for it.

Thanks all of you thanks

tzella Tue 08-Jan-13 06:53:19

Crispy, you clearly have your wits about you. Hope it works out smile

CrispyHedgeHogmanay Tue 08-Jan-13 06:35:58

Yes we talked it all through, I told him I wasn't prepared to conduct a relationship from the sofa and if he's not prepared to make a bit more effort to be up and about then I don't want to know.

He said he doesn't want to lose me and will do more stuff with me. So now we'll see. The way I see is that I don't really have anything to lose, he is good company anyway most of the time and I'm clearly not as emotionally invested as I thought I was so I'm not afraid of getting hurt and I'm prepared to just wait and see how things go over the next few weeks

You mean he came back? Fair enough, but have you talked about the row?

caramelwaffle Tue 08-Jan-13 00:38:04

Ahhh. Nobody is going to kill you. Everyone is here to listen.

Now, darn it, I want curry and it is technically morning hmmgrin

CrispyHedgeHogmanay Tue 08-Jan-13 00:24:33

You didn't eat all of it cos I vaguely remember a curry breakfast the next day grin

CrispyHedgeHogmanay Tue 08-Jan-13 00:23:12

Sigh. Don't kill me. He's on the..............



Sofa!
I'm in the bed.

Heleninahandcart Mon 07-Jan-13 18:19:28

Crispy onwards and upwards. He is a nice guy but if he hadn't shifted off that sofa he may well have found himself under my ample patio at your request. Maybe I noticed the takeaway thing as I ate it all grin

CrispyHedgeHogmanay Mon 07-Jan-13 13:09:10

Cheers AF grin

I think you're right chipping, I'm just not used to people being thoughtful/helpful like that so it was a big deal to me at the time. The half a curry, funnily enough it was Heleninahandcart who noticed that it was exactly half (I was a bit too pissed tired) Although in general whenever we'd get a takeaway we'd just get one dish, one rice etc between us because we're both small eaters, and there'd still be leftovers even from that, so not sure if it was ingratiating or he just did what we'd normally do anyway?

Bottom line is he was a nice guy, just clearly not the right one for me. I can't lie tho, I will miss the sex blush

I need some time on my own and I'm looking forward to it. That was part of the doubts I had I think.. the fact that I'd jumped straight from one man to another with no gap. It will do me good to just 'be' for a while and have a while to gather my thoughts, find out about myself, watch crap telly, spend far too much time on here etc etc etc smile

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Mon 07-Jan-13 12:10:14

Thanks AF smile

TBH I don't think your Red Flag Radar is entirely tuned in yet. I don't want to pull all of your post apart or spoil the memories you do have, but just a couple of other things - bringing a couple of lightbulbs - yeah, sweet, thoughtful - but actually fairly normal & certainly not worth 'remembering' as a 'Good Thing', leaving exactly half of his takeaway when you were out for the evening (& a few other things you said) are just a bit ingratiating.

AnyFucker Mon 07-Jan-13 10:13:40

All you titchy people ! I'll look after ya < leers >

CrispyHedgeHogmanay Mon 07-Jan-13 09:26:33

I hadn't thought of it like that. I thought he was just being caring. The texts/phone calls were never demanding or stroppy in any way, just seemed to be friendly concern. Maybe my red flag radar isn't all the way tuned up yet :/

I'm happy enough to be on my own, I'm amazed at how tidy the house is after the weekend, normally it would be like a burglary zone by now grin

Izzy what happened? hope your leg is ok!

and I've just noticed I need to change my name back, lol

izzyizin Mon 07-Jan-13 02:28:14

I'm with Chipping on this. Despite currently hobbling around on crutches I'm more than capable of get myself from a to b and back without assistance and I take aversion to any hint of helicoptering in my personal relationships with the opposite sex.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Mon 07-Jan-13 02:21:25

I'm 5ft, I still don't need the man in my life texting to see if I have got somewhere safely and if I'm OK later on in the evening. I'm an adult and quite able to look after myself, it just feels 'quietly controlling' to me.

Hopefully you'll have fun being single for a while anyway [fgrin]

CrispyHedgeHogmanay Mon 07-Jan-13 01:51:05

Oops cross posted there. Yup definitely better now than 5 years down the line or something.

Chipping I think he was protective because next to him I'm tiny. 5ft vs 6ft 4ins lol.

CrispyHedgeHogmanay Mon 07-Jan-13 01:45:51

Yay izzy!

I think you lot have taught me well and I'm not as tolerant as I used to be. I used to put up with an awful lot of crap in exchange for the occasional nice bit whereas now I know it should be the other way round.

I think also that when we changed the status of our involvement it led to a slight shift in our behaviour. Nothing you can put your finger on but something subtly different. It made me think of those couples who've been together for years, get married and split up shortly afterwards.

Ahh well. Onward and upward

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Mon 07-Jan-13 01:32:41

Crispy - I'm glad he's gone. I'm sorry if you are hurting, sad or feel let down, but give it a month or so and re-read this thread. He was coming over (to me) as a bit smarmy and quietly controlling (calling to see if you'd arrived safely and later to see if you were OK - you are a grown woman, it's creepy - to me anyway). It's good he's shown his cards so early on!

Now - time to partyyyyyyy!! Flitty flighty single girl time grin

AnyFucker Mon 07-Jan-13 01:32:14

Erk, what a strange one. Best you find out now, though.

izzyizin Mon 07-Jan-13 01:24:25

Maybe you've put away teenage things you're growing up, Crispy, and are no longer subject to heartbreak meltdown if a guy leaves you high and dry?

CrispyHedgeHogmanay Mon 07-Jan-13 01:20:17

I'm stubborn mayhem. If he doesn't have it in him to discuss and resolve the issue then I'm not going to chase him.

Tzella, not cocklodging exactly because he was very good about paying his way. He just wouldn't move from the sofa. He'd been like it a bit before in the evenings and weekends and I just thought he was tired from his job and made allowances. But no way could he still be so tired after almost two weeks off, so I called him on it.

I think the fact that I'm not overly concerned about it is quite telling though.

izzyizin Mon 07-Jan-13 01:15:35

Genuinely lovely blokes don't just change over night, Magic, but not so genuine blokes who adopt the persona of lovelieness to make friends and influence people can rarely sustain the illusion for any great length of time.

No loss, Crispy, honey. Plenty more where he came from... but best to leave them there grin

tzella Mon 07-Jan-13 01:10:42

Was he cocklodging? I had one of those...

Magicmayhem Mon 07-Jan-13 00:50:24

what a shame... lovely blokes don't just change over night (do they) aren't you tempted to ring him....

CrispyHedgeHogmanay Mon 07-Jan-13 00:45:15

Nothing very dramatic really, he was here for the whole of the christmas holidays pretty much other than a day when he went to see his family.

He spent most of the time, day and night on the sofa watching football.
I suggested yesterday that we went out for a bit of lunch, he refused to move and we had a bit of an argument about it. I went out myself, needed some groceries etc. Came home and he was gone. Not heard a peep since.

I'm sort of surprised at myself that I'm not upset or anything. I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

tzella Sun 06-Jan-13 23:56:00

Oh no!

What happened?

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