Separating & will miss my DC

[StrictlyGoShopping]

Does it ever get any easier not seeing them everyday? Even though i am so unhappy is this worth it? Only very very recently decided to separate but not sure at all I can cope with the pain of losing them 50%.

[Greensleeves]

I can't imagine what that must be like

But I think there are times when staying in a dead relationship is so toxic that the unselfish thing to do can be to separate. I don't know if I could face it. Sorry I am a bit useless, but wanted to show a bit of moral support

other will be along with proper advice

[myspinninghead]

Hey - I've not idea. I am far from she you are (though may end up there) but I do know you have to be true to yourself and you being happy is important. Do you have friends/family you can be with when the dcs aren't there?
Hugs x

[myspinninghead]

Sorry - iPad has spell checked everything I wrote!!

[puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE]

Make it positive. I use the time my DD is away (also 50%) to get work done, see friends and have a bit of fun.

Some nights are hard when i'm in the house alone, but its not as bad as i thought it would be.

It does get easier

[MyLittleFirebird]

How long has it been? Yes, it gets easier. It's horrendous to begin with, then bearable, then OK and then it gets better than OK. I still miss mine sometimes, but life is good. The main thing that the DC are OK and with a parent who loves them.

[JillyWillyPops]

I'm am also in the same situation. I left the family house last month and exp has both kids 50% of the time. I see this time as a time to get things done in the house, doing food shopping and also time to enjoy that I've not had for a long time. I have made new friends and I'm enjoying going out. It can get lonely at nights when the kids are away but you need to keep positive.

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

Like Jilly I separated recently (a couple of months now).

I find it hard when dc are away. At the beginning it was horrendous.

And it's hard when they are around too because you are responsible for everything, and it's difficult when they argue as mine do and there is no one else to help keep the peace or distract them. It's hard to get anything done as you are interrupted the whole time. And they are needier because of what's happening and because it's all new for them too.

So I'm starting to see the time when they are away as my opportunity to do things for myself, 'recover' from having them with me, get jobs done etc.

It takes a while to adjust psychologically to realising that you can do what you want. I'm 41 and I still can't quite believe that I can go and buy a bar of chocolate when I want one because my PARENTS hardly ever let us eat it when I was growing up!! Some days I feel really exhilarated to think that I can buy what I want at the supermarket, get in my car and not have to tell anyone where I'm going etc.

There is some sadness but I think it will get easier. At the beginning when I was on my own I just thought 'what the hell have I done?' But I think some of that is because I'd never really been without them and having been with someone for 15 years never spent a lot of time on my own since my mid-twenties.

I am starting to enjoy my own company.

I hope things get better for you.

[silversnow]

I'm in this situation too, and I'd agree that keeping busy is the key - whether it's catching up on work/housework/TV, getting out with friends you don't normally have time to see, trying a new hobby, etc, doesn't really matter. If your DCs are coming back to a refreshed, relaxed and organised mum then they'll be benefitting too.

My DCs are so much more settled now that XH and I have separated. Clearly, from my perspective, our split was a long time coming....

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

Oh and two other plus points (I'm trying to think of them because I am on my own right now and I've just told dh they can stay at his tonight):

I can listen to music that I like, at high volume without dh sneering and saying it's shit, or going into a bad mood because he doesn't like it. And I don't have to listen to his Bob Dylan/Grateful Dead/Gram Parsons etc droning on in the background the whole time.

And I can see my friends as much as I like (he was often really shitty about my friends).

Finally, a friend who divorced ages ago and is now happily remarried told me that the trick when the kids are away is to put the radio on. It was such good advice. It means you don't have to deal with the strangeness of having a silent house. You get to listen to music you wouldn't normally listen to and DJs are always really cheerful! I wake up to Chris Evans (who dh thinks is a twat) and I love it. And if I haven't got Radio Two on it's Radio Four and I keep up with current affairs and lots of other interesting things. :)

[Lueji]

It may not be 50%.

But having the children away some of the time, even 50% can be a bonus when you want to have your own life. Be it hanging out with friends, having a hobby, relaxing, or even going out on dates.

[DeckSwabber]

Yes it gets better. Use the time productively - even if that means catching up on sleep.

My boys used to come back from a week with their dad to find a different room redecorated! Now they are older and I am working more, but I enjoy my free time when I don't need to rush back to cook and the kitchen stays clean for more than 5 minutes.

[AloeSailor]

Invest in your new life while the kids aren't there.

[SundaysGirl]

Some days its harder to wave my son off than others. I do know the time I get to myself enables me to recharge and regroup and be even more focused and give him more of my time and attention when he's back. You get used to it and it does get easier in some ways. It's better like this than being miserable all the time and the children seeing mum and dad so upset. I 100% believe that.

For me? Yes it was worth it. Yes i am sad I didnt raise my son in a two parent household..but my ex is happier and so am I and this has had far more of a positive impact on our son than staying together when miserable would have.