Think I'm falling apart.

[MahnaMahna]

Apologies in advance for the miserable post...

I'm sat here crying whilst DD who is 6 months old is in her walker watching Muppets Christmas Carol. She makes me the happiest that I have ever been, she is my best friend and ultimately she is my world. Christmas is my favourite time of year, and this one should be extra special with it being the first one with her here.

The problem is with DH. For the past two years he has been verbally very abusive. He has completely bullied me to the point that I just cry all of the time. I don't think I have ever felt so lonely or hopeless in all of my life.

2 months after DD was born we almost went our seperate ways, but due to being new parents I gave him another chance, on the promise that he saw a Dr because he obviously has issues that weren't there before. (we've been together for 7 years.) He has since been diagnosed with depression and has therapy once a week. He's being treated for his depression, and also for anger management.

At the same time he is applying for new jobs because he is unhappy in the one he has and we don't have enough money between us. He's just found out that he didn't get a job he really wanted, and I dreaded talking to him about it. He's gone completely mental on the phone, saying he can't be f'ing bothered anymore and how this is going to be hanging over him all Christmas now. I said that maybe we should just cancel Christmas then if that's the way he feels, to which he was really nasty about.

He talks to me like I'm a piece of dirt, he's lazy, selfish and he isn't getting any better from his therapy. All he ever goes on about is how miserable he is, and how hard done to he is. Yet we have a lovely home, a beautiful daughter and our health. He never wants to hear how I feel, when the fact is that I feel totally heartbroken and if I didn't have DD I don't think I'd have the strength to go on anymore. I've lost a tonne of weight, I'm always shattered, and I have to stay happy and positive in front of DD because I'd never want her to know I'm unhappy.

I'm not sure there's even a point to this thread, I think I was just bordering on a panic attack and I needed to vent.

[dequoisagitil]

Sweet, do you have any family you could go to for Xmas? This sounds horrible and maybe you need a bit of time out to think what to do and someone to look after you.

[MahnaMahna]

My parents live just around the corner. I've just spoken to my Mum and she said I'm welcome to go there.

I just feel so exhausted with it all.

[Doha]

Go to your mum's love-you need some looking after.

Living with your DP and his constant negativity is draining the life out of you. Could you go and stay there over xmas and try and give both you abd DD a break.
Only you can decide wheither your relationship is worth saving and hopefully time and space can do that

[CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts]

Definitely get yourself and your lovely baby out of this environment. His depression is no excuse whatsoever for being abusive towards you. You and your baby are not his metaphorical punch-bag. Does he behave the same way with other people or does he save the verbal abuse just for you? If you tell me he's nice enough with strangers it wouldn't surprise me at all.

Stay with your mum as long as you are able & do a bit of homework on how you could set up home independently. Tell him you can only consider a reconciliation if/when he can demonstrate that the treatment is starting to work.

Good luck

[MahnaMahna]

He is great with everyone else. Just not me. He just takes everything out on me. I guess because that's the easiest option.

Thank you all for your advice, it's a relief to just get it out x

[MahnaMahna]

That's very true. It's just a very scary thought to just end up being DD and I on our own. I sometimes day dream about it, and how relieved I'd feel, but then at the same time I love DH, and the whole thing just breaks my heart :(

[trustissues75]

Getting away to family for Xmas sounds like a good start. Yes, ok, he's depressed and depression does freaky things to you but what he's doing is not ok. Do you think he loves you and he's just completely lost focus on what's really important? In any case I can't see how a break away is going to make things worse...breathing space sounds good right now....

[Piemother]

Sounds like he's going through the mill and that you're doing your best to support him but his behaviour toward you is unreasonable. You Are a person too and just as deserving of courtesy and respect which he is treating you as if you are not and this is not good enough.

Threatening to wreck/obstruct Xmas is really childish but sadly familiar abusive behaviour.

I agree you should go to you're mums. While you are there how you feel without him will tell you what you need to know.