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Ending relationship before christmas - advice please!

(201 Posts)
dipndunk Thu 20-Dec-12 09:12:08

Hi thought I'd start a new thread, rather than continue my old one
I want to end relationship with bf of 19 months, it has been on and off, ups and downs and is just not stable enough for me. I know he isnt the one, although i do care dearly for him. I miss him when we arent together, but i know i have to end it. I am unhappy, it isnt going to go anywhere, i dont imagine a future together anymore. He is the first bf since my marriage of 13 yrs ended. He is totally opposite to exH and we just arent a match, although we are very attracted to each other. The physical side is not enough for me either. Decision made. Although it still hurts.
I dont think he is going to take it lightly. He has an exam tomorrow, so I want to tell him after that. I have had to keep quiet all week. I know it is bad timing before christmas etc but i cant continue, I dont want to go through giving presents etc. I worry about him, as he wont see his ds over xmas, is going to court for access and feel he has no-one, so i am full of guilt. How do i do it?He has planned a meal for tomorrrow night. I want to be kind, but i also want him to listen, which he doesnt. He doesnt take it on board..

izzyizin Sun 06-Jan-13 05:18:29

You've described yourself as 'quite a strong albeit quieter person' but it seems to me you have been far too weak to repel or withstand the machinations of this abusive twunt, and you have been far too anxious to blame yourself for his fucked up mind.

It's not why he is what he is, or why he did what he did, that should be of concern to you; it's why you allowed to him excercise such a large degree of power over you.

All the signs were there when you met him but you overrode your gut feelings in favour of wishful thinking. When you start dating again come back to this board think long and hard about any man who isn't willing to go at your pace and take his cue from you.

Ultimately, all you can do is put this down to having made a gross error of judgement in allowing him to suck the joy of your life insinuate himself into your life to the extent that you were living it according to his dictates, so why not cut to the chase and simply take the lessons you've learned forward into the future?

Have you considered assertive training? IMO it would do you the power of good and may give you the confidence to start speaking up and speaking out in rl.

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