Thank you to so many of you who posted on my earlier threads.
To summarise....I was having an emotional affair with an old flame and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to separate but my husband wouldn't, he wanted to fight for our marriage. He is a wonderful man. And I am ashamed to say I am not attracted to him anymore and am bored with him.
So, since I posted....I met the old flame. Had a wonderful time with him. Spoke again about separation with my husband. He still refuses to understand. So I told him what I had done.
In the wake of this the OM feels too guilty to continue. He says he loves me but cannot make me happy and he does not want me to pack in my perfect life for him. It is over.
My husband and I are having counselling. I know I should make it work with him. We have been happy before and have 2 DCs.
BUT ....
Even though contact with the OM has stopped and I will not be seeing him again I can't get him out my head. Everything reminds me of him. Any song on the radio, stupid things like underwear I bought....times of the day that we always spoke etc. it goes on.
My husband has taken everything I have thrown at him. He takes it. And says we will get through it. I see this as weak, and therefore unattractive, I see that he doesn't want to lose me... - my best friend says it is him being strong and wanting to take control. He says the ball is in my court. But it shouldn't be. He has a choice too.
I cannot get over the fact that altho I have loved my husband very much, I never ever loved him the same way as the old flame. He really was the love of my life. And now I have had another taste I don't know I can ever settle for my husband even if it was like when we were newlyweds.
The sex doesn't compare.
This may sound like it is pretty much over with my husband. And it may well be. I don't even feel guilty which is a bad sign to me. But I am not a bad person at heart and I feel distraught at the havoc. If this sounds like I am being cold and unemotional it's because I just don't know where to start. I am crying way too much about this, and with the kids breaking up this week I really need to pull myself together. I want to make things work with my husband, I really do. I know that is the best thing to do for all of us but I am just not feeling it.
Please don't slaughter me. I need help. Please help me to be a good wife to my wonderful husband and advise me how I can fall back in love with him.
(I have the Shirley glass book and a whole ton of others from amazon about reigniting the passion).
(We haven't had sex for 6 months and I can't even begin to consider that right now unfortunately)
I seem to only see the negative in what he does. I want to see the positive. I've tried the law of attraction stuff but it isn't helping.
I told him that when he's home this evening I want to look at old photos on the computer and choose a couple of them every night to start a new folder of good times we've had.
I just need to feel it more in my heart and I want to get that gut wrenching feeling when he talks about what if we do split up and I don't get it. I want to get that gut wrenching sick feeling that says 'what on earth have I done?' And I don't get it.
Any advice please is so so welcome. I really want to fix things and he does too but I just don't know where to start. And when the feelings start to feel real rather than forced effort.
Thank you so much x
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Moving on after having an affair
jenny99 · 17/12/2012 20:20
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