What (if anything) can I do in this family situation? Some quite upset and concerned relatives involved.

[TidyDancer]

Is there anything to be done in this circumstance, or is it a lost cause even thinking about it? Will try to keep it short but suspect I may fail....

A relative of mine has two DDs with his wife and despite living within a 20 minute trip from family, only has vague contact with this side of the family. When I say vague, I mean once, perhaps twice a year. One of his sisters (he has two, and a brother) is particularly upset by this as she has a DS who misses his uncle. This is also upsetting my DM for the same reason. Relative's DBro has little contact but doesn't seem bothered (is upset that his sister is upset, but is largely distant from his DBro, the other sister lives abroad).

My relative is deliberately rude to his DSis about this issue. If she asks him to have contact with her DS, he either ignores her calls or texts, or makes vague plans and never confirms them. His DSis is a relative I am personally close to and this is honestly breaking her heart. She tears up everytime the subject comes up. Neither she nor her DS have done anything to deserve this. She is a good person.

DSis of relative was abused emotionally and psychologically by her father and his third wife (the four siblings are the DCs of him and his second wife) and I have a feeling my relative is deliberately making it obvious that he and the DCs (and relative's wife) have lots of contact with the abusers not entirely, but partially to upset his DSis. It is horrible to see her so upset over this. I am obviously also concerned that this two DCs have contact with these people, they are completely vile individuals who are not fit to be around children.

My DM is also upset for the same reasons. She is massively concerned about the DCs having contact with two abusers, but is also devastated to not see the DCs more herself, and to see relative's DSis so upset (she is also close to her).

The added problem with this situation is that the relative's wife is very much of the attitude that the DCs are her children and she chooses who they have primary contact with. They see her relatives a couple of times a week (they live a similar distance as this side of the family). On the surface, she is nice-ish to people in my family but you can tell it's false and she stays away as much as possible. The only time my relative brings the DCs to see this side of the family now is when his wife is busy away from him and needs him to take care of them. She makes no effort herself which is fine (she doesn't have to come I suppose, though it's sad that she doesn't want to), but rather telling. To be clear, no one has done anything to upset her that I am aware of.

As you can see, there are multiple issues here and I have thus far tried to stay out of it. I really do not want to get involved or to fight other people's battles. I made a decision a while ago to stay out of it all because I don't feel close to my relative anymore (we were at one point). However, I am loathe to sit by and see so many people hurt by what is going on and I think my relative may listen to me while he wouldn't the others.

I just don't know that it's worth it tbh. Not because I don't care or am not worried (because I do and I am), but because I don't know that it will help things. I have thus far stayed well out of it and avoided my DMs house on the sporadic occasions my relative has turned up.

WWYD in these circumstances?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I would keep well away from this; people are adept to shoot the messenger rather than actually listen to any message.

This is not your battle to fight; you only have a small part of the overall story here and there are always two sides to every story. There may well be right and wrong on both sides.

[helpyourself]

Another advising keeping out of it, I'm afraid. You're post isn't very clear. Is the father your brother? How is your relationship with him?

[TidyDancer]

Thank you for responding.

I'm not particularly bothered about the shoot the messenger thing, he can do so if he wants.

I am not happy to stand by and do nothing on the abuse issue more than anything, but am also devastated to see my mother cry about this.

[TidyDancer]

My post is deliberately unclear I'm afraid, I'm really sorry but I'm trying to not be identifiable in RL. No the father is not my brother, we were all raised very closely and I am still close to the other three siblings.

Up until a year or so ago, I had a good relationship with the father, he was generally good company.

I would bet my last penny on his Dsis having done nothing wrong, I am as certain as I can possibly be. My mother absolutely has done nothing to him.

I really would like to stay out of it but the two core things that I can't stop thinking about are the contact with abusers and the upset this is causing.