Does anyone else hardly ever have sex?

[Whereismysexlife]

I have a 2 year old DS, and am 15 weeks pregnant with my second - and my DH and I haven't had sex since we conceived. And before that it was sporadic - I'd say once every three months. Obviously when we first got together it was all the time. I'm keen that we do it more often - but I think partly that's just because I know we should...as opposed to feeling really horny. And he's just exhausted and never initiates it either. We're very cuddly, and laughy, and have a fab relationship generally. I guess I just want to know if we're alone? Please can I hear from other sporadic shaggers... are you worried? Shall I just let it be? Or try and spice things up? Or even see a sex therapist? any thoughts would be gladly received!

[Feckthehalls]

you are not alone. Very common situation with such a young family.
expect the drought to continue for some time

[Whereismysexlife]

Thank you feckthehalls - I feel a small measure of relief! and loving your username!

[BikeRunSki]

Same here. 3 yo and 1 yo.

[nightowlmostly]

We are much the same, we have an 8 month old DC. But tbh it was sporadic for ages before that as well. Sometimes I would stress about it and think we should be at it more often, but I think that's more about what I feel we ought to be doing, rather than feeling any great need to be doing it IYSWIM?

[SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh]

It doesn't matter how often other people are doing it (particularly given that most people who answer surveys about their sexual behaviour LIE. Either they want to make themselves sound 'normal' or they are like me keen to screw up the researchers' data as much as possible.)

If you and your partner are both happy with the amount of sex you have then there's nothing to worry about. If one of you is feeling a bit lonely and unloved purely due to infrequent sex, you need to talk about it - it's fairly common to have less sex when you have small children, simply due to tiredness.

[Feckthehalls]

A very wise friend told me not to base the state of my relationship on "the early years". she was right .
HANG IN THERE !

[bigkidsdidit]

I have exactly the same age DC / foetus as you and am in exactly the same situation

We are just too tired at night. So today we did it at midday when DS had his nap. It was great. Could try that / other times in the day when you're not so tired?

[DoIgetastickerforthat]

Three children, eight months pregnant with fourth, husband has ED due to nerve damage from a back injury... Let's just say there will be no jingling of bells this Christmas, no for a while yet.

I thunk it's pretty common to have periods if drought when you have small children. However, sex is an integral part if a relationship and it's probably best to talk openly about it with your DH so that misunderstanding and resentment don't fester. Sorry about typeo's on phone and can't be arsed to edit.

DH and I have taken it right off the table ( figuratively and literally ) until he gets treatment and we're past the newborn stage but we spoke openly about it so neither feels rejected.

[Isishotinhereorjustme]

OMG my ds is 11 and we very rarely do it. Not because we dont want to, but we are still always tired!!

[NeedlesCuties]

We have a 4 month old who sleeps in our room and a 3 year old who wakes up every few hours and comes into our room several times most nights.

We're too tired for sex and I'm always tense thinking that the baby will wake up, or the older one will walk into the room

Haven't had sex in about a fortnight, as when I look at the bed I think SLEEP!!

[TunipTheVegedude]

You will be fine.
We hardly ever did it. Now we do. Without going into more details (because I can't be arsed to namechange) don't worry

[Shattereddreams]

We have 5yo and 2yo.
We average about twice a month. It's fabbo when we do, and he probably wants more, but I'm tired and worry about children coming in.
But we have a great cuddly friendly relationship which always sees us through

[Twattergy]

Ds is 14 months.have had sex about 8 times since he was born. dh was most pissed off about it when ds was about 7 months old but it picked up a but since then and we are more relaxed about it. I think he worried he'd never get access to my body again. Finishing bf at 10 months helped. W do talk about it a bit...tiredness definitely the culprit.

[Pizzaexpress2]

God, no. Not like it was pre dc's. Maybe on a morning if we wake before them. Now and again on a sat night in front of tv but jus can't summon up the enthusiasm. Too many 6 am starts and disrupted bedtimes here. Anyone that reckons they r at it like rabbits must have a nanny.

[BertieBotts]

I think it's quite normal when they're little. As long as you're both happy and nobody is putting pressure on anybody else it's fine. It will probably resume again when you're less exhausted and have more time for each other!

[pointysettia]

Mine are 9 and 11 and it's been about a year since DH and I had sex. The main issue is his job, it makes him tired and depresses him, but we can't afford for him to walk away and he feels a perverse loyalty towards his workmates which, until recently, stopped him for looking something else.

Yesterday he decided that 'his bullshit meter was overflowing' and he was going to start looking and applying.

It's a good start, meanwhile we still love each other and are stronger now than we were 5 or 6 years ago when we were on the cusp of splitting up. I think sexual droughts are a lot more common that people want to admit, and we would all do well to make talking about it more normal.

[Chubfuddler]

We didn't have sex for over a year, from when dd was conceived to when she was about six months old. So that's well over a year. She's now eighteen months and we are back to 2-3 times a week. Being open and honest is key "yes I still fancy you but I'm too damned tired" goes a long way. And cuddles. Those aren't tiring.

[MySonIsMyWorld]

Nope no sex here - thank god! The though of being near the bastard is bad enough

[Feckthehalls]

Doigetasticker what's ED?

[deleted203]

I think it goes through stages in a relationship. DH and I have had times in the past when we've had sex several times a week, and other times where we are down to once a month or so. (Or even once every couple of months). It depends on what is happening in life and how tired one or both of you is. Like you I tend to feel we SHOULD be doing it more often, as opposed to really feeling like I want to. Always enjoy it when we do and we say, 'oh we have to make more effort', but quite frankly there are many times when you just feel like sleep or can't be arsed to get started. Can I add the 'teenage years' to those of you with little ones? Because I find we probably have less sex now with 4 teens in the house - difficult to feel like rampant sex when you have a squeaky bed and a 17 yo DD in the next room who has the light on, door open and is studying for 'A' levels calling 'goodnight' to you! I couldn't relax enough to want sex for fear she'll hear us!

[Whereismysexlife]

Thank you SO MUCH everyone. I can't tell you how much better and more relaxed your replies made me feel. AND (sorry for TMI) but (like big kids suggested) we did it during DS's nap - and DH actually initiated it without me even bringing up my concerns yet! So I guess you just never know what's round the corner.