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Are you happy?

(57 Posts)
MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 21:02:12

Im just curious to know are you happy in your realtionship? How long have you been together? Do you still cuddle and tell each other you love each other?

Its dawned on me a few days ago, I'm not happy in my realtionship in fact ive not been happy for a while but been in mega denial - we have been together nearlly three years and i'm miserable in fact i love it when dp is at work (thats bad isnt it) we dont touch or tell each other we love each other anymore and after the stuff he has put me through i never will love him again i dont think.....

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:06:43

That sounds awful OP sad I'm giving you my happy story for sake of balance as I'm sure there will be a real mixture. Am I happy? Very much so. Been together for seven years, married for three, dc1 on the way. Not a day passes without affection, physical and emotional, and telling each other we love each other. DH tells me I'm gorgeous every day (even when I know I'm not). We aren't perfect, there's no knowing what tomorrow brings, and we've been through a lot but we are solid together and very happy.

HousewifefromBethlehem Thu 13-Dec-12 21:12:28

Yes I'm happy, more so actually as the years pass. We are very affectionate, and are each others best friend. We have had some tough times though too, but we are through them now. I love him very much indeed.

Yes, we're happy. I get home before him and feel a little butterfly-in-my-tummy of excitement when I hear his key in the door. He makes me smile.

We snuggle up on the sofa together to watch telly or play xbox once DS is in bed. We kiss hello and goodbye, as a minimum, each day. We tell each other we love each other every day, and compliment each other on dinner, you look good in that tie, whatever. We share stories about our day over dinner, and chat about plans for the weekend, or something else (DS2 due soon, that's taking over a lot of our thoughts). We laugh at the daft things our toddler does together, swap stories of work, etc. He's my best friend, really, lovely to chat to. Been together 8 years, married 4.

I'm so sorry you're so unhappy, OP. sad

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 21:21:07

yes, I am very happy in my relationship

I love him and I trust him, his values make me feel proud

I have been married for 17 years...together a few more

we had a few "doldrum" years when the children were young...tired and not connecting very well and some collywobbles (on my part) around infertility

but I never once dreaded seeing him, or not looking forward to his key in the lock

AlreadyScone Thu 13-Dec-12 21:21:36

No I'm not, and haven't been for years. But he is, and so I've stayed because I think his & DC's combined happiness outweighs mine. Can't do it much longer though. My sympathies, OP.

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:22:37

his values make me proud

^^ this. well put as ever, AF.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 21:24:18

I'm really happy for you who are happy it must be so nice to be contented! I dont know how me and dp will get through another year to be honest i'm on citopram (anti depressants) because of the stuff he has put me through since our son was born, there are still question marks over if he cheated on me the 2nd time he walked out on us. We used to be happy, i was so happy but he has changed now and done things that still hurt even though they are about a year old!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 21:26:03

MySon, you don't have to stay with someone who makes you unhappy. It means you are precluding future contentment for yourself. How can that be right ?

You don't have to stay with someone if you're not happy. Sometimes relationships run their course. It's not a failure to admit this, when necessary. I am happy with my partner. We've been together 15 years and married for 10. Your relationship is still quite new for you to be feeling like this if it's right.

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:28:06

Why are you with him MySon? Are you working at rebuilding trust or are you the one carrying the load? I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds very sad. But don't give up on future happiness by hanging around with someone who is making you miserable.

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:28:24

Sorry, double X-post there

karatekimmi Thu 13-Dec-12 21:28:27

Another happy bunny here.

I like my DH being at work as I watch utter crap on telly and he likes his play station. I love time to myself. However I also love spending time with him, more so when we have holidays or can get away from the daily grind.

He works in a pub, and when I go to bed I phone him, or he comes and tuck me in if he is at home. We kiss and cuddle lots, we don't have sex as often as either of us likes (DS is 6 months old!!!) but have plenty of affection. We've been going out for 4 years and living together for 2 years.

We're not perfect, and fall out occasionally, but I am very happy on the whole.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 21:34:39

I'm still with him because im too worn down to do anything about it - I'm 20 years old with a beautiful planned loved baby boy i never regret having my son but i regret having him with my DP. I thought he was the one, we were so happy but then it all went to pot. After this relationship i really dont think I will ever trust another man again, he has really wrecked me.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 21:36:37

That is very distressing to read

I am old enough to be your mother. Could you go home to your mum ?

CabbageLeaves Thu 13-Dec-12 21:40:38

MySon - I feel a bit wrecked as well. However I stuck for 23 yrs. leave now. You're not really wrecked at your age. Scarred. Not wrecked.

Don't stay until the scars are scars on scars.

Please find the strength to walk away- there is a life out there where you will feel peaceful and happy.

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 21:52:38

Any Fucker - No me and my mum arnt close and i dont want to loose my house. Also my Mum is very much on my dp's side saying its my fault all the time.

23 years wow... i dont think i will last that long! If my son would let me id sleep for a hundred years and then sort this mess out but im so down i carnt seem to fight it head on........ watch him leave his beautiful boy again, watch him go away with his lovley wages and spend them on shitty xbox games, watch him mess my lad around and not turn up. I havent got the engery

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:54:34

Cabbageleaves is right. Don't let this become impossible, the fact that you are aware of all of this and you have time on your side are positives. Is there anyone you can stay with or talk to in RL? You need to try and build a support network (MN can help too!) and I'm sorry to say you need to start afresh with your lovely boy.

forgetmenots Thu 13-Dec-12 21:55:29

Your mum sounds awful by the way. Siding with your dp is an act of aggression in my book.

Micha54178 Thu 13-Dec-12 21:57:21

Me too, been with dh for 12 years, married for 6. We say I love you every day, kiss each other goodbye in the morning and hello in the evening. We have two dc's together and are very happy and very much in love. I love him much more today than I did the day we married!

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:01:50

Your mum is very wrong

MySonIsMyWorld Thu 13-Dec-12 22:04:21

I think 2013 will have to be my year to start again without him.

He has a week off work at christmas and i'm dreading it, i'm dreading the atmosphere i'm dreading having to be around him that long - i'm dreading having to go to town to possibly see the girl he was suppose to be sleeping with when he walked out on me 2nd time when my son was 6months old - i sometimes wonder what it would be like to be happy, really happy.

Micha54178 Thu 13-Dec-12 22:05:33

Oops, looks like an update on the thread hasn't been done before I posted! Don't stay for the sake of ds or a lack of concern for yourself. You only have one life, don't waste it on someone that doesn't make you feel like the most important person in the world! Also, you don't say how your partner is with your ds? Maybe he won't be the way you think?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:05:54

Why do you have to see the girl he was sleeping with ?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Thu 13-Dec-12 22:06:25

Oh sorry, you mean to bump into her ?

Amen to 2013 being the year you start the rest of your life

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