Mumsnet Talk

With the going to school without food thing, I would never use food as an incentive or punishment for doing (or not doing) something. It wouldn't have crossed even been on my radar to say that to one of my children. Chivvy them along, point out they will be late by all means but not give them breakfast (which is effectively what he was saying would happen if they didn't find the dressing gown), no I wouldn't even mention that. It wouldn't cross my mind because having breakfast is a must, a necessity, wearing a dressing gown, not so much.

However, if that was the sum total of your post and problem with him then the jury would be out. I can see how some people wouldn't see it as a problem or it be thoughtless. But it isn't the sum total and these things all add up. And he is an abuser. Abusers aren't ever thoughtless. They are the opposite, which I think is why you are mistaken that he hasn't thought properly about the consequences of a 4th pregnancy for you. I understand why you would want to think that, but he knows full well. OxfordBags is right. It is chilling.

Nickname, I don't want to be soppy, but what you describe makes me feel unbearably sad.

re the breakfast thing. I have never used anything/it didn't occur to me to use anything that came in the category of subsistence eg air, water, food, shelter, warmth etc as a sanction. That would also include basic emotional subsistence btw eg not using 'love' to punish by witholding. Treats/nonessentials were used as disciplinary sanctions. It seems to me a very odd thing to use as a sanction. odd = understatement. It does look like he will be obeyed. Finding his dressing gown to... what? Put it away? Bit army-ish imo.

gb, your instincts about your h's behaviour are spot on, you need to start trusting them now.

Thanks, springy - no harm in a little soppiness! I'm just glad I realized I needed to set the bar a little higher in my life.

(Dashing off to collect DD now).

I have just started a new thread but don't know how to do the linking, please could someone who knows help? Thanks

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