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Is this is cheating on me?

(170 Posts)
amy175 Tue 11-Dec-12 22:32:38

my oh has been very secretive for months. Texting all times of day and late and night. facebooking intill gone midnight. everytime i go near he either closes the browser or turns his phone over so i can't see. on the way home from his works do on friday night he stopped the car at 11.30 to text while he thought i was asleep. Then Sunday morning i see him hiding his phone in the bed under the covers texting. I went mad and got very upset. i demanded he told me who he was texting. he denied texting and when i demanded to see the texts he said it wasn't any of my business. he went to the loo and deleted all the texts. i got very upset and demanded he tell me who he was texting. eventually he told me it was two women he was "he was helping and supporting them through hard situations and that they didn't want him to tell me what so he couldn't show me". I think this is cheating, even if it is just emontinally. he says i shouldn't be upset and he doesn't see he has done anything wrong. AIBU?

amy175 Tue 11-Dec-12 22:33:29

he said one is old school friend and other collegue.

amy175 Tue 11-Dec-12 22:34:41

i just feel my trust has been broken. am i over reacting?

There is no way you're getting the full story so don't buy it.

Months of secrecy because 2 women TOLD him he couldn't tell you what was going on? Bullshit.

In a healthy relationship you don't have this level of secrecy.

RogueEmployee Tue 11-Dec-12 22:35:30

Yep he's cheating. Sorry.

FlojoHoHoHo Tue 11-Dec-12 22:36:16

YABU, sounds to me like he's cheating. Even if he isnt, his behaviour towards u is awful.

FestiveWench Tue 11-Dec-12 22:36:29

He is a lying arse.

Sorry sad

FlojoHoHoHo Tue 11-Dec-12 22:36:53

Sorry! YA N BU

amy175 Tue 11-Dec-12 22:37:29

he got upset when i said i wanted to know his phone passcode

squeakytoy Tue 11-Dec-12 22:37:56

He is talking bollocks. He IS cheating. I am sorry. sad

VBisme Tue 11-Dec-12 22:38:19

Sorry, I think he knows damn well he's in the wrong, which is why he deleted the texts.

I'm not sure I buy the story of two seperate women that he's helping out, it's more likely to be just one. I also doubt that anyone who was being helped innocently would ask anyone to keep something from a spouse.

I also think his attempt at secrecy is very lame, it's as if he wanted to get caught.

I'd have 2 options, either confront him and ask to speak to both these women, or keep your council and wait until he really drops himslef in it.

Oh and no, YADNBU.

Greensleeves Tue 11-Dec-12 22:38:49

God what a pathetic little turd he is. He's cheating. It always amazes me that anybody actually wants one of these men.

MikeLitorisHasChristmasLights Tue 11-Dec-12 22:38:51

My dad this to my mum and my ex did it to me.

Both cheating scum bags.

I would put money on him cheating. A normal man wouldnt keep secrets from his wife like that.

amy175 Tue 11-Dec-12 22:38:52

he doesn't think he has doen anything wrong. he said i have made his life miserable for a few years. all i have ever done is ask him to be a responsible reasonable adult and actually help with the kids and the housework

BridgetBidet Tue 11-Dec-12 22:39:17

I doubt very much the relationships are platonic. I think in this situation only a mug would take him at his word. Does he have any friends you can ask? I would be showing him the door if he won't let you look at his phone and his facebook.

LimeLeafLizard Tue 11-Dec-12 22:39:23

sounds a bit fishy to me. YANBU to be suspicious.

SleighbellsRingInYourLife Tue 11-Dec-12 22:39:24

He's cheating on you.

And his story is bullshit.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 11-Dec-12 22:39:47

sad doesn't sound good. Whatever you do, don't fall for him getting upset and trying to turn this back on you.

VBisme Tue 11-Dec-12 22:39:54

Himself (sorry)

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 11-Dec-12 22:41:07

Oh just seen more recent posts. Utter arse. You don't need him in your life. Sorry sad

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange Tue 11-Dec-12 22:41:13

He's cheating. He resents being a responsible adult who does housework and childcare. I think you know what you need to do.

amy175 Tue 11-Dec-12 22:41:52

i asked him if he wanted to be married to me and if he did to stop all contact and he must be more present with us. he has always kept himself seperate from me and the kids even before this.

LimeLeafLizard Tue 11-Dec-12 22:42:36

Well before you break up your marriage - what is he normally like? Is he a supportive and loving partner to you? Do you love him? Do you have fun together and laugh? Does he help you through the tough times?

In other words, if this is a one off, you need to think carefully about how to handle this.

If he is usually an arse, might be time to take action.

Fairenuff Tue 11-Dec-12 22:42:52

Amy he is saying that to try and deflect attention away from the fact that he's cheating.

It's very unlikely that he is 'helping out' anyone. He is having an affair. The worst thing is that he doesn't even care that he's been caught red handed.

Decide now what you are prepared to put up with. Tell him straight and see how he reacts.

Greensleeves Tue 11-Dec-12 22:44:08

Don't beg him to spend more time with you and the kids. Don't meekly sit and wait for him to decide whether he wants to be with you or not. What do YOU want?

angry the lying arse

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