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Skyebluesapphire goes onwards and upwards

(1000 Posts)
imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Tue 11-Dec-12 18:56:56

New thread - link to my old thread for my own purposes.

Onwards and upwards..... through Christmas and beyond..

OliviaPeaceOnMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 16-Dec-12 21:58:10

Hi there
have removed a RL name for you

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight Sun 16-Dec-12 21:59:51

Have PMed you Skye. If it is the first time Twunt has admitted to cocking things up, it is poor consolation but an admission of sorts. You are wise not to engage with him and only contact re: DD.

Ah AutumnNow, time is cruel!! 27 years' ago there was a likeness of sorts!

imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Sun 16-Dec-12 22:23:34

Previously he has said sorry for hurting me, but this is the first time that he has actually admitted that what he did was wrong and that he feels bad about it.

He deserves to feel bad, the man who sat on my sofa and said "the trouble with me is that Im just too nice"..... shortly before walking out on his child....

Its ok, but Im still not entirely sure what he is sorry for... everything presumably.

and no I dont believe him that its all so hard for him, because this is what he wanted, this is what he chose to do, this is the life that he wanted.

and MS came home and said that OW came over today and decorated the Xmas tree with her and daddy. That woman is involved in every aspect of his life now and of my daughter's too. and there is not one damn thing that I can do about it.

tribpot Sun 16-Dec-12 23:54:35

A New Year's Resolution for you, skye: you need to work on making your Sundays more tolerable. It brings you down so dreadfully - I perfectly understand why but it isn't going to change, you just need to knuckle down to it.

And you and Twunt need to move on. He has no right to ask you to be friends with him - as long as you are civil, and mini-Skye doesn't even feel she couldn't invite you both to a special occasion (I still have flashbacks to the number of uni friends who couldn't invite both parents to graduation) then that'll do.

You've fed his ego, though - by letting him know you're still so hurt.

I find the behaviour of his family with the Xmas cards distasteful. If you do send them a card next year I would send it from mini-Skye only.

imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Mon 17-Dec-12 00:07:55

Im not civil as I don't see him to speak to him. MS has never asked why I don't speak to him, she just rushes out the door when he arrives.

She has asked if he can come to her birthday party which will be in March. I have said yes. He can come but I don't want him to come anywhere near me if he does.

He has no right to expect us to be friends, that is just to make him feel better. I thought that he was my best friend, in the way that a partner is supposed to be, but he replaced me with OW and then once she was in that position, the end of the marriage swiftly followed.

He has had a typical Mid Life Crisis, 48 year old head turned by 31 year old woman. Hopefully he will live to regret it and realise that he screwed up the best thing that ever happened to him (his family).

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight Mon 17-Dec-12 09:14:49

I'd forgotten, if I ever knew, it was such an age gap. Not that it makes any difference in terms of disloyalty and hurt.

The best friend aspect is hard to get over too. Best friends don't treat each other that way.

Midwife99 Mon 17-Dec-12 09:20:56

Still ...... You have to find a way forward for DD's sake. This thread is called onwards & upwards Skye. Text wars & fights about your break up are so destructive & exhausting to everyone. And also pointless. You need to let go of who did what & whose fault it was & what your exh does with his life & who he spends his time with. Your job now is to make DD's childhood a happy one.

imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Mon 17-Dec-12 10:07:54

I cannot help the way that I feel and I am really struggling. It's also the twelve month anniversary of my aunts death. This is not a good time of year for me.

I know that I'm depressed and I'm trying to deal with it.

Midwife99 Mon 17-Dec-12 10:20:34

Maybe return to the GP before Christmas for review?The ADs aren't working & the counselling hasn't made much difference to how you feel. Maybe different or higher dose ADs & a better counsellor? CBT might be more effective than endlessly talking about why you split up? Your GP can refer you for that free.

Hugs for you, lady. Things are going toget better, but you are going to have things to grasp at that happiness. For a start, how about having something you look.forward to doing, on your own, every Sunday? Would be a dance class for me - something that you really enjoy and makes you feel great, gets you out, and has nothing to do.with your ex husband.

imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Mon 17-Dec-12 10:59:09

At the moment I'm snowed under with work that has to be fine by the end of January. Then I can have a breather and take some time to do nice things on Sundays instead. Plus we will go every other weekend which will be nice to have her myself some Sundays. And plan to go shopping swimming etc on the weekends I don't have her.

My counsellor booked me onto another block of six weeks in order to work on me and not talk about him.

I've just decided its not worth putting up the Christmas tree this year. I have to rearrange the whole room to fit it in and we are busy every night except Thursday, then Friday to Sunday she's with her dad, Monday to Thursday at my parents then Thursday to Sunday she's at her dads again. If I put it up we won't be home to see it....

She's decorated my mums and her dads and hasn't mentioned our tree at all. I wish I'd put it up a week ago now.

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight Mon 17-Dec-12 11:03:29


DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight Mon 17-Dec-12 11:06:14

I know you're raging. Think bc is right about finding a stress buster though I suspect something like plate smashing rather than dancing would be more therapeutic right now.

imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Mon 17-Dec-12 11:09:06

I might sign up with the sports hall up the road. It has a small gym and is open weekends. I could go there every other weekend when she is with her dad and go swimming with her when I have her.

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight Mon 17-Dec-12 11:10:17

That sounds great.

Midwife99 Mon 17-Dec-12 11:17:59

Oh please put the tree up!! It'll make it feel much more cheerful for you & DD! I can recommend Zumba for cheering up type exercise!!

AutumnNowBleakMidwinter Mon 17-Dec-12 11:44:54

Skye, if you don`t feel able to put the big tree up, there are some really lovely small ones, in pink and other lovely colours in Poundstretcher, and the other cheap shops, for just a few pounds. Fibre optic too, so you literally just have to plug and go. Mini could have it in her own room, and that will make it even more special. Or perhaps just some lights around her bed, and a few other bits and bobs around, but I think you may regret not marking the occasion. I managed to do three trees eventually. I have a large house so it`s all or nowt. Two lovely three foot fibre optics in my favourite lilac, one in the hall and one in the dining room. Then I fought for hours with a six foot silver one - I`m 5ft 2ins! - with purple lights and baubles, and then various other lights, and decorations around. It all looks stunning - a bit like Blackpool Hallucinations! - but do you know what?......I feel so much better today for doing it. Still emotional, but happier IYSWIM.......Oh, and I`m now 5ft!!

DonkeysInTheStableAtMidnight Mon 17-Dec-12 14:17:04

It can help... (wheedle)...

captainmummy Mon 17-Dec-12 19:15:12

Def, def do some decorating of something, skye - even if it's just a big vase with lots of twigs in, with a few lights strung round. It's what I did for the 1st few christmases with just me and the dc. I didn't have a tree, but greenery from the garden worked almost as well, and looked xmassy.

tribpot Mon 17-Dec-12 20:23:43

Yes - sod the tree if you can't face it but definitely get some lights up, some baubles around the place and ENJOY.

Allalonenow Mon 17-Dec-12 20:51:17

Hey there Skye,
sorry to see that you are struggling, I know I am too, as it will be my first Christmas alone, and it's not easy is it?

Don't feel you have to have a tree, how about putting the baubles in a couple of glass bowls, or a string of lights in a large vase? I might just have a platter with chocolate coins and fruit, as it needs so little effort.

I haven't managed to write a single card yet, so I think you are wonderful for all the festive things you are doing with MS.

Take care.

imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Mon 17-Dec-12 20:59:48

I should have done it a week ago but can't get into the loft without help as the hook broke that gets the ladder down. So my neighbour keeps promising to help then doesn't... My dad said he'd do it but hasnt.

I feel like the moment has gone now. I used to have a three foot tree but I think we got rid of it. Shame be ayes I could probably slap that one up somewhere. The little fibre optic one broke last year.

All my wrapping paper is up in the loft too as I buy it cheap each year after Christmas! Also Mini Skye's advent things, skating musical penguin advent countdown... Don't ask lol.

Next year I will get it all down on 1 December!

Feeling a bit brighter now but been quite tearful again today. Went to my parents for tea.

Mini Skye threw a total wobbly because I wouldn't let her eat sweets before tea. Declared that she would never eat tea not ever again...

CremeEggThief Mon 17-Dec-12 21:59:55

I couldn't face Christmas cards this year, so I'm not sending any.

Everything is bought and wrapped- including some presents I bought for myself. At least that way, I know I'll have something to open on Christmas morning!

Hoping to get a tree tomorrow, which is tricky without a car, which is kind of why I've left it so late. Two buses and a taxi back sad. Surprisingly, DS hasn't questioned or got upset about why we haven't got one yet smile.

No right or wrong here, just do what feels right for you.

imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Mon 17-Dec-12 23:51:26

Posted by Bloomoon on Lou's thread:

I read something recently that helped me, and it might help you and Wobbly and Skye too: Tough times don't last. Tough people do.

imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Tue 18-Dec-12 09:48:37

My mortgage offer has finally been issued.....

Obviously the paperwork still needs sorting, but hopefully soon in the New Year, my mortgage will become my own and I will be £250 better off a month and will not slide into debt as I will be able to afford to live then.

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