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Skyebluesapphire goes onwards and upwards

(1000 Posts)
imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Tue 11-Dec-12 18:56:56

New thread - link to my old thread for my own purposes.

Onwards and upwards..... through Christmas and beyond..

Skyebluesapphire Wed 20-Feb-13 21:03:46

Twelve months ago I could not see how I would get through the day, never mind a week, a month or a year. When he told me that he was unhappy and didnt feel the same any more and didnt want to be here any more, I was physically sick as it was such a shock out of nowhere.

People have no idea of how heartache feels until you have been there. Sadly many people on this thread and others do know what that is like. I thought I had been heartbroken before, but that never even came close to what I felt when XH left, and what I still feel now to a degree.

I can't wait for the day when the pain finally goes away. I don't want to keep crying tears for such a waste of space who doesn't give me a second thought.

But I do know how far I have come. i still have a way to go, but I am getting there. I am off for a girlie night out on Friday, so the anniversary will be spent watching a show at the theatre, getting drunk and dancing. What better way to spend it...... and at least I have DD with me this weekend, so no time to feel sorry for myself.

skaboy Wed 20-Feb-13 23:09:59

Dammit-a year sad I'm only two weeks into a rocky patch. I really hope it doesn't take that long to get rid of the pain. Just wondering-how does one sleep properly in this situation? I'm ok getting to sleep then wake up at stupid I clock and lay there for the rest of the night going over it again and again.

Skyebluesapphire Wed 20-Feb-13 23:13:45

It does get easier, I promise. It's just like a rollercoaster. It is a lot easier now than it was then. But sometimes it still gets overwhelming.

The sleep thing is difficult, try reading or listening to some quiet music

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 21-Feb-13 13:56:52

Sounds like you have nice stuff lined up for Friday Skye you are very good at picking yourself up. Xales is right mini Skye has a great role model in you, (how's she doing btw, medication working?).

PS Gather you are having a tough time skaboy, there are lots of helpful posters on Skye's thread and elsewhere so don't feel you are alone, take care.

Skyebluesapphire Sun 24-Feb-13 15:54:55

Struggling, despite having a good weekend. Too many memories crashing in. Had a great time in Torquay but cried during the show at a stupid song. Had a pub crawl around Torquay, had a laugh with the girls but cried when I got back to the hotel. Didnt want the girls to see me. One of them was asking me something about what happened with XH and then another one said to me- oh just get over it for gods sake, move on, get over it. It upset me as I was only talking about it because the other girl asked. The other one is jealous because her H won't give her a divorce and she can't afford to buy him out if the house, so she is jealous of what I've got , ie, divorce, but I didnt want it!!

She kicked her H out as she didn't love him anymore so the complete opposite to me and has no idea how I feel.

Twelve months ago this weekend my life was changed forever. The man I thought was my soulmate just literally walked out. Even though he came back for a while , I now count my marriage as truly ending that weekend as at the time I was unaware of the communication with OW. I know that I am so much further on than I was but at the same time, sometimes, I hate my life. I want a husband to spend time with me and our daughter, I want the family unit. I want what I can't have and it still hurts.

What I dont want is the lying cheating deceitful idiot that my "soulmate" turned into. Friday night one girl noticed that I always refer to him as the ex, she said you never say his name. I said he is not a person to me anymore so I won't dignify him with a name

Today ive been to the park with Mini Skye as that's what she wanted to do,but it was freezing! Last night I took her to a little local village pantomime which she loved. Her father hasn't even rung her again this week. We have just watched Toy Story 2 again and are now doing dress up dollies stickers. She is happy.

Allalonenow Sun 24-Feb-13 16:21:32

Sorry to hear that you are having a horrid time Skye, I know just how much it all hurts.

If one thing shines through all your posts though Skye, it is what a wonderful Mum you are to your little girl. How lucky she is to have you for her Mum, you bring love and laughter into her world all the time.

Sending you thanks and a hug.

CremeEggThief Sun 24-Feb-13 16:32:45

Sorry to hear that, Skye. People can be so lacking in sympathy and understanding. You have had so much to deal with and come to terms with in a year. Look at how far you have come and what a good mum you are to MS, and take pride in that. Here's some wine for later!

Skyebluesapphire Sun 24-Feb-13 21:22:07

Mini Skye made me cry earlier, we were watching Nanny McPhee and there was a wedding. She said to me, Mummy when i grow up into a really big girl, I am going to marry you because I love you so much. I just couldn't help laughing and crying all at the same time. I told her that I would love to marry her, but mummy's aren't allowed to marry their babies.

I married Twunt because I loved him so much. I thought I married for life. I'm sure that everyone does or you wouldn't do it.

Twunt said that he would ring DD over the weekend and hasn't - again - I'm just glad that she is not old enough to realise yet.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 25-Feb-13 09:11:34

You gave DD a lovely weekend, nice things to do but of course the main thing is, bags of time. Twunt says one thing, does another - nothing new there then. You can almost play the old bingo card of Appropriate Responses, Genuine or Fake - he says something so he thinks, Skye can't say I'm not trying, but then doesn't follow it up. She'll grow up knowing not to expect any more from him, accepting him as he is. It rankles because you feel she's getting a short measure but she won't expect more from him than he delivers.

Get Over It girl was jealous and snarky, she's in a different situation entirely but envies what you've achieved. It doesn't feel like victory yet but it's so much better than being stuck in some horrible limbo, separated and yet never able to look ahead.

Freezing here too, obviously way off Spring just as I was starting to think of putting away winter weight stuff and wearing something other than clumpy boots.

Skyebluesapphire Mon 25-Feb-13 11:50:15

It makes me sad when I think of how desperate I was this time last year. I made him talk to me and we talked for hours and he agreed to come back but said no guarantees. why did I accept that? that's why I was on eggshells for the next 6 weeks, trying not to upset him so he wouldnt leave.

I was so desperate that I would have done anything to make him stay and he just wasnt worth it. If i had known about OW then, things may have been different, but by the time I found out about the texting, he had gone for the second time and I was so so desperate to get him back, I tried to ignore it and not see it for what it was. tried to justify it and excuse it. tried to think that he was having some sort of mental breakdown.

i see it all over again now on threads on here, the same desperate feelings coming from people who simply cant understand why their world has been turned upside down.

A girl I was out with on Friday uses XH for courier work. She said that she owed him £500 but had queried the bill, and he emailed her every day for the past week chasing it. She said he emailed that he was desperate for it....... She was really pissed off about it and said that its not her problem if he needs the money! So yet another sign, that he is not doing all that well financially.

still, he has made his bed......

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 25-Feb-13 14:34:34

Skye, I think you reacted in shock at what had happened. We all hit patches in a long relationship which are less than ideal but for your partner of 10 years to drop this on you out of the blue must have been an immense shock. When your life appears to have imploded, I don't think pride comes into it. Hindsight tells you there were red flags beforehand so you now regret being desperate to cling onto what you'd had, but he gave you so very little to go on.

A new week, your home in your name, new horizons for you and your DD. Nearly March, where does time go.

hiya Skye, lost your thread somehow after ds2 was born and things got chaotic, I've seen your posts elsewhere and wished you well. now I am all caught up and all I can say is WOW and well done! it sounds like you are heading to a really good place x

Skyebluesapphire Wed 27-Feb-13 20:59:06

Twunty Twunt Twunt strikes again. After promising just this week, to ring every Weds, he texts at 7.45pm says he just got in and asks if she is asleep , knowing that she goes to bed at 7.15pm. He's got a hands free kit in his van so no excuse not to ring her. ... Useless useless twat. She doesn't know because I'm not stupid enough to tell her hes going to call because I know he will let her down!

Hi bc , thanks for that. Still don't feel it myself though sometimes although I do know I have achieved a lot.

I definitely have problems due to PMT. I've spent the last two weeks crying every day and now that I'm due on any day I feel fine again. I'm going to have to talk to the doctor about it again although she wasnt interested last time.

DO talk to her about it, and kick up a bit of a stink. I miss the NHS like mad but their attitude of "well it won't kill you so put up with it'' when it comes to women's reproductive health is REALLY bad. Maybe you could do with a (different) type of hormonal contraception? Sometimes one pill can leave you with killer PMT but another can help you, or whatever. Make her discuss your options with you, even if shagging is far off the agenda, people take the pill to help their cycles all the time!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 28-Feb-13 09:19:10

Is it just the one GP at that practice Skye? is there another you could talk to?

Skyebluesapphire Thu 28-Feb-13 11:20:29

There are around 6 in the practice. 4 are men, 1 is a hippy, the other one is my doctor and I chose her because I feel most comfortable with her. But she only works Mondays now, so I have to wait until 18 march to be able to see her, but I will push her and see if there is anything that can be done. She did mention the pill last time, but because of my weight, I havent been on the pill for years.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 28-Feb-13 13:32:46

It seems a shame that, working through this whole thing, you do so well up to a point but these efforts are almost undermined on a cyclical basis.

Sorry dragging it down to a trivial level but love how you mention 4 men 1 woman and a gender neutral hippy!

Skyebluesapphire Thu 28-Feb-13 14:13:45

lol, she is a woman too, the hippy. No offence meant to anyone. She is just a bit too "out there" for my liking.... she was very disappointed in me when I gave up breastfeeding after a couple of weeks. No support, just made me feel really bad about it, so I haven't seen her since.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 28-Feb-13 14:28:20

Love +peace!

Skyebluesapphire Thu 28-Feb-13 21:04:41

so Twunt did text this morning and say could he speak to DD. I said no, because it was 8.30am and getting ready for school madness. So I don't think that I was unreasonable there, as he has no idea what its like. He text again at 5.15 - teatime, so I said no, she is eating her tea! She didnt want to speak to him anyway! But I text him when she had finished, then told her he was going to ring her, then 30 minutes later still waiting, so had to text him again and say are you ringing her or not, she is sat her waiting now! he is such a twunt, he never thinks about anybody else or the consequences of anything.

Then he spoke to her and said I will see you tomorrow and she was really surprised and said, am I daddy? will I see you tomorrow? He sounded surprised and said yes, didnt you know, she said no.

Obviously I didnt tell her, because I did last week, got her all excited about 3 sleepovers, then he rang and did the same, then it didnt happen.... so no way was I going to tell her she was seeing him until I get the text from him to say its happening! so he's blown that again. Like I said on another thread, if he lets her down again tomorrow, I will hunt him down with my dad's shotgun grin legal disclaimer/court alibi, I have PMT and am not responsible for my actions

Am supposed to be going to a bra party tomorrow night at a friends house, followed by a few drinks with friends on Saturday night. so nothing wild, but stuff to occupy me, with plenty of accounts work to do in the daytime.

MS upset me earlier, when randomly she said "I wish that Daddy was still here to kick balls onto my trampoline when I am jumping on it". I did cry at that, because it's the little things like that, that show how much she is hurting and I could kill him for that, I really could where is that shotgun

counselling again tomorrow..

He got you to text and remind him to ring again didn't he. I would E mail him and say that MS is available to speak to between 7pm and 7.30pm. Then ignore any other text messages. He can not be so thick to know that no one will want to take call at 8.30 on a school morning or at tea time.

Good luck with your counselling tomorrow.

BTW what is a BRA party. Or is this the new Tupperware party.

Skyebluesapphire Thu 28-Feb-13 23:12:57

That's XH all over. He just doesn't think. But then it's all my fault for being so unreasonable.... Lol. I only texted him to say are you ringing or not?! because poor MS was sat there saying "daddy's not going to ring is he..."

The frustration he causes in me is intense. I wonder now how I ever managed to live with such a disorganised dithering bumbling twat. OW has no patience at all so god help him if they end up living together grin

Yes, a bra party is the new Tupperware. Lady with bra shop does home parties, fits ladies properly for bras, and orders what you want.

I can't afford nice lingerie, they don't do it in my size anyway ginormous boobs and even if they did , there is no one to appreciate itsad so I just go to drink wine and eat crisps.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 28-Feb-13 23:38:23

I'm sure you told MS you too wish Daddy could be here so you could have fun kicking his balls on a trampoline.

Moving swiftly on, you must have the patience of a saint this phoning up farce uis ridiculous. Too right you can't get DD's hopes up, promising calls and sleepovers when he lets her down. When she's old enough to take it on the chin in 10 years' time you can laugh it off: "You know what Dad's like!" but for now she'll be very disappointed.

Donkeys you read my mind grin

I promise I am not a violent person [disclaimer alert!] but yes, you definitely read my mind smile

Skyebluesapphire Fri 01-Mar-13 16:21:06

Well, he is turning up it not til gone 7.30 and I'm going out at 7pm.... Luckily to a friends house so I've told him to pick her up from there.

I'm going to have to stop Friday night access with him. I discussed it with my counsellor and I just can't take the stress of it any more :-(

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