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Hate where once there was love...

(14 Posts)
corblimeymadam Sun 09-Dec-12 23:47:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Mon 10-Dec-12 00:07:27

You mean you're separated/divorced but have to retain contact? I think it's two-fold. First is to make a full, busy life for yourself that is rewarding and in which you can take pride. When your life is satisfying and you're looking to the future, annoying people from your past become much less important. Second thing is to keep contact minimal and functional. Keep chit-chat and other personal stuff for friends...

jingleallthespringy Mon 10-Dec-12 01:02:10

Arrange some more counselling. imo 6 sessions isn't enough. If you're strapped for cash, try women's orgs or do a search for low cost counselling. BACP (British Assoc of Counselling and Psychotherapy) will give you a list local to you and you can ask each one you fancy if they offer a sliding scale of fees. The answer will be yes or no so you know where you stand.

Hate is pretty passionate - the opposite of love is indifference. The hate will fade in time and indifference will take its place. Takes a while though - sorry.

corblimeymadam Mon 10-Dec-12 11:14:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Mon 10-Dec-12 12:33:24

How long have you been separated?

corblimeymadam Mon 10-Dec-12 12:56:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jingleallthespringy Mon 10-Dec-12 13:49:22

No wonder you hate him if you're still under the same roof!! shock

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Mon 10-Dec-12 20:48:32

Amen to that... ! If my ex hadn't made a swift exit when he did I think they'd still be extracting kitchen knives from his rib-cage... hmm You have to 'unstick' yourself from the same roof situation, whatever it takes.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Mon 10-Dec-12 20:49:51

Oh yes... and save the last few counselling sessions for after he's gone. No point wasting your time hand-wringing over why you still feel so angry when the reason is literally staring you in the face.

corblimeymadam Mon 10-Dec-12 21:05:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sarahseashell Mon 10-Dec-12 21:31:02

the opposite of love is not hate it is indifference
aim for indifference wink
easier said than done but good luck

Bertiebassett Tue 11-Dec-12 20:06:34

Hi belgian I'm going through a similar thing...stuck in the same house while divorcing. It's unbelievably hard. I know exactly what you mean about the extremes of emotions...sometimes I feel physically sick when I hear his key in the door. I just want to be living in separate houses...it feels like it will all be more manageable then. Have you been able to settle finances and contact for DCs?

mowmi Tue 11-Dec-12 20:15:20

Bertie and Belgian - me too, it's so,so awful and I too am sick of feeling sick when I see the lights on when I return home or hear the dog bark... I'm taking the pig to court to get the finances sorted.... He hasn't done anything with dc for 3 weeks despite threatening to go for full custody?!!
Wish you both strength to get through...will keep an eye out for you both

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Tue 11-Dec-12 20:38:27

Have you had proper legal advice? It might be possible to force him to leave, though it will depend on the circumstances (whether or not you are married, ages of DC, income, whose name the house is in etc). If he is abusive, you might be able to get an occupation order (ie he is made to leave the house and stay away) even if it's his house.

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