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Does anyone feel that some friends aren't pleased for you?

(27 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Sun 09-Dec-12 19:07:09

I have one friend (and I do love her) but whenever I tell her about some misfortune (failed realtionship, wieght gain, blah blah blah) she does this little laugh. Is this an annoying tick? Does she really think that my misfortune is funny or does she just not know what to say? It's bugging me. Am I overreacting. For example when I lost a lot of wieght last year her reaction was astonishing. She immediately bought out alarge cake and offered me second helpings. She looked visibly shaken. WTF?????

FloralWellies Sun 09-Dec-12 19:10:47

Bizarrely, there are so called friends who love it when your life takes a turn for the worse, as they can feel better about themselves and quite often gossip about you to other friends.
They like being the "Queen Bee" and when you seem to be doing better than them, they will do their best to "put you back in your perceived place" i had an old schoolfriend like that and it took me year to recognise the behaviour. I just keep her at arm's length now

superstarheartbreaker Sun 09-Dec-12 19:13:34

It's hard as her mum is dating my dad confused ..I just hate that laugh/giggle thing. It's snide and it makes me want to punch things!

AutumnNowBleakMidwinter Sun 09-Dec-12 19:18:48

Anyone who offers cake when you have lost/are losing weight, is definitely NOT your friend. Keep this one at arms length, and trust your instincts.

superstarheartbreaker Sun 09-Dec-12 19:29:14

But I kind of have to be involved with her as I am very close to my dad and she's close to her mum and they always hang out togather. We are even spending Christmas day together. Me: "I'm feeling shit about my dating prospects atm..I have a bad experience last night . Her "(giggle) go on tell me about it then (giggle)" AAAAAAGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

superstarheartbreaker Sun 09-Dec-12 19:29:58

I think we are going to be together on Christmas day as our parents are hanging out, I don't want to be alone and our dds get on well.

MN023HappyChristmas Sun 09-Dec-12 19:30:42

The trick is not to confide in her. It's awkward as your parents are close, but she is not a true friend to you.

MN023HappyChristmas Sun 09-Dec-12 19:30:56

Oh good, namechange worked!

HECTheHallsWithRowsAndFolly Sun 09-Dec-12 19:31:26

so don't tell her anything.

Keep your conversation to neutral topics and tell her nothing about your life.

superstarheartbreaker Sun 09-Dec-12 19:34:11

So you don't think she is a true friend then? The giggle could just be an annoying verbal tick right? I always thought I could confide in her but actually she wants to be top dog (or queen bee)? Grrrr: why do I never notice until it's too late?

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sun 09-Dec-12 19:39:50

If she was a boyfriend you'd have probably dumped her by now... smile Sounds like she's not the sort you should share important information with if she reacts with bizarre behaviour - more one to keep at arms length with platitudes and weather discussions. Do you have other friends?

superstarheartbreaker Sun 09-Dec-12 19:50:52

Yes I do. We have quite an intense relationship. She has been out with two of my ex boyfriends. Her mum is lovely although I am pissed off that she got with my dad so soon after mum died. All in all a very annoying situation...and tricky. Thanks all.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Sun 09-Dec-12 19:58:39

Two of your ex boyfriends??? Gets annoyed when you lose weight. Delights at your misfortune. Sounds less of a friend and more someone who wants to keep you close purely for more malicious reasons .... confused

Corygal Sun 09-Dec-12 20:01:57

Frenemy, innit. Sack her but don't tell her.

Walkacrossthesand Sun 09-Dec-12 20:09:56

And RESIST the temptation to share any personal news/info with her, at all! Polite but distant, as if she were a receptionist somewhere....we sometimes use 'info sharing' as a means of trying to strengthen friendships ('look at this private information I'm entrusting you with...) and you do not want this girl to be your friend!

ImperialBlether Sun 09-Dec-12 20:12:55

The girl isn't a friend and it doesn't sound much as though her mum is, either! Do what Corygal says: dump but don't tell her she's been dumped.

Oh and only tell her positive things about yourself and your friends/family from now on.

superstarheartbreaker Sun 09-Dec-12 20:35:03

I'm so pissed off with myself...and with other people. Why are there so many pitfalls? abusive boyfriends, bitchy frenemies. So the giggle thing is malicious? Am I reading too much into the situation?

rudevegetable Sun 09-Dec-12 20:53:25

she s toxic envy

superstarheartbreaker Sun 09-Dec-12 20:57:46

oh dear. The trouble is there are things that I like about her but hmmmmm mabe toxic too.

OovoofWelcome Sun 09-Dec-12 21:21:29

There are things to like about most people. I agree with other posters who have suggested you only talk about neutral stuff with her, or tell her the positive things.

You're right, there are so many pitfalls, relating to people can be a nightmare!

Makes the real friends shine all the brighter grin

superstarheartbreaker Sun 09-Dec-12 22:34:22

Thr real friends are real treasures; few and far between. I know I'm not perfect but people do my head in!

izzyizin Sun 09-Dec-12 22:59:54

People can only do your head in if you let them. Don't let them.

MonaLotte Sun 09-Dec-12 23:01:42

I would ask her outright what's so funny? If she genuinely doesn't know she's doing it it might make her stop it. If she knows she's doing it she will know you are on to her.

AndrewMyrrh Sun 09-Dec-12 23:26:10

She's a frenemy.

I know a few, and want to put as much distance as possible between us, but for various reasons, have to remain on good terms.

Schadenfraud means malicious joy - that is exactly what she is displaying. Never tell her anything personal or negative.

jingleallthespringy Mon 10-Dec-12 01:11:26

I have a friend I wouldn't trust further than I could throw her, but she's great fun. She is actually up front about how treacherous she is LOL so we both know where we stand. You can like bits of this frenemy and enjoy the bits you like, but she's not your confidante, she's not your friend. She enjoys it when you're down or things are going wrong for you, doesn't enjoy it when things are going right for you so sabotages eg cake. Enemy, basically. Sorry.

Don't feel bad or fucked up because there are some treacherous people about. It wouldn't occur to you to be like that. Some people are mighty fucked up and nasty, tis all.

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