Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should I contact my half sister?

(32 Posts)
HalfSister Fri 07-Dec-12 12:04:31

About a year ago I found out I have a half sister, she is a few years younger than me and we actually grew up about five minutes away from each other.

I don't know if she knows I'm her half sister or not, we are friends on Facebook due to having a load of mutual friends (from growing up in the same place and from extended family) and I had assumed she was another cousin (there are lots) We were FB friends prior to me finding out who she is.

Her mum died a few years ago, and now she is pregnant, she has posted recently about how hard it is being pregnant and not having her mum to share it with or support her. She sounds so lost and alone sad and I've been wondering if I should contact her or not? Being pregnant, it might not be the best time to deal with a bolt from the blue (presuming she doesn't know about me)

I'm sorry if this sounds a bit muddled, I'm not sure how much info to put.

SweetMingePie Fri 07-Dec-12 13:43:50

Your life sounds as complex as mine!

I found my bio dad last year, it did not end well. Had several threads on here but had them deleted. I did however get in touch with with my half siblings, all younger the me. Some of them welcomed me with open arms, others not, which is fair enough, their choice.

I was the one who made contact, they did know about me though, which I think made a difference.

Like yourself I can't handle rejection well, and to be rejected by my bio dad did not leave me in a great place mentally.

So tread carefully op. if she already thinks you're related then finding out ow you are related might not be as hard on her. Good luck.

HalfSister Fri 07-Dec-12 13:56:02

Thanks SweetMingePie I have no interest in Bio Father, I never have and I doubt that will ever change. I had no intentions of ever contacting any half siblings, but I think that because HS is vulnerable and sad that I might be feeling maternal towards her? I certainly can empathise with her. Also it feels like we do have things in common, grew up in same place, have mutual friends, similar family background etc. whereas I know practically nothing about the other ones.

I think I may send her a nice message just to ask how she's feeling with the pregnancy, and that I'm thinking about her. See what response I get.

It's also niggling away at me that no-one says anything because they think I don't know?

My main concern is that I don't upset HS esp when she's pg but really when would the right time be?

Boomeringue Fri 07-Dec-12 14:03:28

After some detective work,I discovered that I had 2 half sisters. I contacted them via e-mail,and meeting one of them was very emotional. We meet up now and again,but they live in the US. We aren't bosom-buddies,due to the distance geographically,but we're all glad to be in touch. I'd risk contacting hersmile

HalfSister Fri 07-Dec-12 14:07:11

Thanks Boomeringue I'm going to see what response I get from my very pleasant, but non revealing message.

I'll update if anything happens.

MrsjREwing Fri 07-Dec-12 22:41:57

Good luck.

SweetMingePie Sat 08-Dec-12 15:31:04

Sorry, wasn't suggesting you were wanting to meet your bio dad, was just saying I had met mine and as a result met my half sins. Was more focusing on the rejection bit for you.

Hope it goes well for you.

HollyBerryBush Sat 08-Dec-12 16:18:41

I think perhaps you sholuld ask yourself what you hope to gain from any relationship with your half sister. If you are looking to acquire a sister and havea romanticised ideal in your head of what a sister might be like - that quite probably might not happen. Or, re reading your initial post, you have an empathy because she is quite alone and perhaps you also have a romantic version in your head of creating a stable extended family life for her?

In reality, you are two people who have 50% of the same blood in your viens - but no common upbring or experiences. So you might get along like a house on fire, or you might not.

I think you might have to emotionally prepare yourself it may not pan out the way you would hope.

To put that in perspective my aunt died at a very young age leaving two small children. The father remarried and the SM didn't want contact with the old family (it was more complicated than taht but I wont bore you). Once everyone was dead who could object or stir things up my mother contacted her neices. It went well whilst Mum was alive, they were keen to hear bout their real sister, Mum was happy to talk about her and keep her memory alive. When my Mum died I let contact drift, my cousins just were not my sort of people. I had a romanticised ideal in my head when I was growing up of how close we would be, but they were too damaged by their upbringing to really get close to.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now