DP might leave

[poohitthefan]

please bear with me and excuse the spelling

It all started 10 years ago when i met my dp i was so in love with him then i met his family at first they seemed lovely but as i got to know then they didnt seem at all with it at the age of 5 my dp parents split up and him and mom moved back in to parents house with a total of 6 adults and 1 child living under the roof he didnt see much of dad as he grew up and called his grandad dad when he was 15 his grandad past away in his arms from suffering a heart attack from that moment on the family changed. when i came into the equation his mom was not pleased she told me she hated me and was taking dp away from herover the next few years problems with them got worse dp got in to serious debt and it was all blamed on but i was the 1 begging him not 2 get anymore store cards or loans. when it came to light how much debt he was in his mom told him she would get a hit man on him and that she should of had an abortion or drowned himat birth

couple of years later i fell pregnant within that time we had so much s##t thrown at us from them when we went up there to tell them i was pregnant his mom said shes not intressted and doesnt want to know our baby, through out all them past years we nearly split up loads because of his family as it upset me what they said to me and treated dp would tell him he is a waste of space wont amount to anything.

when ds was born next day when i came home from hospital dp phoned his mom to tell her and she screamed at him saying how she should of been there for the birth and how she had every right to her grandson and how dare we keep it from her ds was born

When ds was was 8 weeks my dp did 1 of his famous disapearing acts of wich i had enough of and left then not even a week later found out he had new girlfiend took him ages didnt it to get over us leaving we worked it out and got back together. then when ds was 4 months couldnt breath had to rush him to hospital he had severe bronchilitus when dp phoned his mom she said she couldnt come to the hospital as her hair wasnt done!!
Things went really quiet with them for about a year heard nothing and dp couldnt be bothered in phoning hed had enough for the first time since we met we hardley argued it was bliss

Then we had to move property and where we had to move to aswe were with housing assosiation was a 5 min walk from his moms house. since we have been here we have done nout but argue then ds got diagnosed with ASD as things went on dp got more and more lazy he wont do the decorating,gardening,look after ds,help with house work,wash up. I dont expect him to do do it any of it i just need help with it as ds is very demanding and has lots of anger outbursts as he has very little speach.
I just need to point out over all this time my mom,dad and brother have been a tower of strenth we see them at least 2 times a week and on phone couple times aday we are a very very close family and we all help each other out, also about 2 years ago my dp had a breack down and was hearing voices his special doctor said it was to all the s##t that had happened in his life when he told his own familt 3 months ago about it they thought it was really funny, i suffer from depression and have panic attacks and have other panic attacks over death not to hurt my self but fear of it happening to me and loved ones.
and with how awfull dp mom is i refuse to let her see ds as she is so unstable and doesnt understand his condition at all.

yesterday my dp came back from down the road his mom works in Mcdonalds down there and he went to the bank at mcdonalds another worker came out and told my dp that there is things written in the toilet about his mom and she is getting a load of abuse down there and is being pushed around he then told me that if he sees anyone touch his mom he will ram there head into a brick walland kill them. I went crazy over this a sonce again its all about his wacky mom and if it happens where does that leave me ans ds????
He told me im a bad mother he dont give a f##k about me and hes had enough as of course he will kill anyone who touchs his mom so he has now said he is thinking of leaving with that he stormed out the house ds is then crying for his daddy then he turns back up drunk and says after work today he is coming back to get his stuff and leaving allthough he has nowhere to go as his mom and uncle have said he cant move back in.
Am i over reacting to every thing?? should i let him walk as ds was so upset fromlast night he is going tobe awfull if he does go i just dont want anyof this
If you have managed to read all of this well done and thankyou

[Piffle]

God what an awful family situation in which to find yourself
My gut instinct is to tell you to run as many thousand miles away as posisble and restart your life with your ds.
It may not be practical but to be free of all that shit would improve you and your ds life beyond belief.
If your dp wanted to see ds, then he wold have to come alone on your terms.
I do not think a man behaving like that ia fit to co parent
Sorry if this is blunt, but the whole thing smacks of potential abude - after him being unfaithful he should have been on best behaviour trying to regain your trust
Is there anything we can do to help you?

[poohitthefan]

Just a lot of support thankyou . my head is telling me to let him go but my heart is telling me i cant as i love him .
another thing is if he was to go where would he go? his mom and uncle wont have him and we only socialise togetther and all our friend have children with ASD so that would be to unsettling for them. He just completly lost it lastnight and i think he needs to go and see his doctor agian maybe start a new medication but because i have suggested it he wont do it.

[Kathlean]

You poor thing. Your H sounds unwell. Until he wants to get himself sorted I don't think there is anything you can do.

I think you need to let him go and concentrate on keeping yourself and your son as happy and safe as possible. With a bit of luck he will get sorted, realise what he is missing and come back begging for forgiveness.

I know it's hard but fighting for him to stay when he is unstable is not helping anyone.

[poohitthefan]

It just really scares me as he walked out last night for 2 hours when he came back he said he contemplated jumping of a bridge because i drove him to it then said he wont let a bitch like me make him weak so decided against it i told him was i there pushing you over the the bridge to do it and he said yes becuse im messing with hid head.
i just know that as his family dont give a s##t that if it hadnt been for me then by now he proberbly would of done something so if i let him go no one is looking out for him. it just feels as if i have 2 children not 1 and a partner

[ItalianJob]

I agree completely with Kathlean's and Piffle's posts. He may be ill and/or may be controlling/abusive towards you, whatever is behind his behaviour, he doesn't sound like a healthy person to be around until he takes some responsibility for himself and his behaviour.

[Piffle]

Listen to your head, your heart knows jack - seriously, you are in vicious circle, any person who blames you for their feeling suicidal is using it as a weapon against you.
If he is contemplating it, he needs help. Maybe the only way you can make him listen is by leaving.
Good luck xxx

[HappyDaddy]

He may be ill but he's also an adult. He's in charge of what he does, he can't keep on blaming you. Cut his family out and if necessary him too.

This situation is no good for you or your ds. Put you two first as dp clearly isn't.

[perfumelady]

sound to me like you don't need any of this, if your depressive then this whole situation will just make you worse, i would try and get dp to go to doctors, my dp was in a simular state a couple of years back,drinking heavily, angry,tierd, suicidal etc, i convinced him that he needed help booked a doctors appointment,but being a man i knew he wouldn't spill all the important issues out to doctor, so i phoned the doctor before he went in and explained all his problems, this mean't his doctor got the full story and not dp's version.when your dp went to doctors did you go in with him? is he on medication? and does he see the doctor regulary, if he doesn't try to get him self sorted then let him go you will never get better your self living in this situation and you have got your ds to think about, and you sound like a frightened bunny that deserves a better life than this.