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Contact for 3yo dd with her dad..

(11 Posts)
chocolatepuff Thu 06-Dec-12 16:22:24

hi there, I know this is more relevant in single parent thread, but this is more popular and was just looking for so e advice..

Dd is 3 and currently goes to her dads at the weekend. Sometimes 1 night, sometimes 2. Sometimes it's a Thursday night, sometimes it's a Sunday night. I am a full-time student so sometimes have to call on him to have ger for an afternoon here or there too. But is this too unstructured? Should it be definite days? Ive tried implementing that but feel things crop up on days that he has her that I'd like to do with her, so I change the day that week... Or he has plans to go out and wants it changed..

Basically what do you do? I was thinking of doing a weds night and sat night at his.

Thanks

Whocansay Thu 06-Dec-12 17:18:39

If she's happy and is seeing both parents, I don't really see a problem. If the current flexible status quo is working for you, why change it? If you dd is secure in the relationships she has with each parent, I can't see it affecting her badly.

Please note, I have no experience of this and am NOT a child psychologist!

chocolatepuff Thu 06-Dec-12 17:54:06

Thanks for responding who. Yeah it does wOrk for us, but alot of people around me say it needs to be alot more consistent. She's going through a clingy phase with me (altho she has just been ill) and I've been told it's because she doesn't know whether she's coming or going, when she is going to see her daddy etc. One of these people was my counsellor (who doesn't have a child, so I thought I'd get some advice here)

Do your kids see their non res parent only on the set days you decided? Or is it more fluid? Do u think age matters, as in 3 yo needs more consistency but you can be more fluid with s teen, as you can tell them...

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Thu 06-Dec-12 20:28:40

If she's happy and things are amicable with her father then there is no reason to insist on a rigid structure as that sounds like it will be inconvenient for both you and the father. Bear in mind that at 3 she's not all that clued up on the days of the week yet anyway.

catkind Thu 06-Dec-12 20:36:39

My 3 yr old can be mega clingy to me, and no separation or any family issues going on. Quite normal i think!
I think the main thing at this age is to explain what's happening a day or two at a time. My son wants to know what's happening today and tomorrow, he doesn't really track days beyond that anyway.

chocolatepuff Thu 06-Dec-12 20:36:43

True.. And 3 yo's notoriously go through periods of clingyness anyway don't they? Doesn't necessarily mean she's thrown by wen she see's who. Thank u

chocolatepuff Thu 06-Dec-12 20:39:34

My dd is the same catkind,, it's good to hear, as I attribute any ' negative' behaviour like that, to our family dynamic, which in turn makes me feel guilty.. Thank u smile

coolmango Thu 06-Dec-12 20:40:32

If you and your ExP are amicable then I would just go with the week to week whilst your DD has not started school. It worked perfectly well for me and my ExP as we didn't feel tied to a particular night.

Once school has started though you will need a bit more structure although this can be relaxed during the holidays eg. you have the valentines weekend before ExP has the one after etc.

chocolatepuff Fri 07-Dec-12 08:28:52

I guess the only issue is that ex and I aren't particularly amicable. We are frostily civil. Any suggestions I make about contact/routine etc, are met with snide remarks, always. So in this sense it would be easier for me not to have to listen to that..

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Fri 07-Dec-12 10:25:16

Ah. so he's a bit of a dick? Perhaps, given time, he will grow up and get over himself: as Coolmango says, things will have to change when she starts school - and as kids grow up, contact needs to change and adapt anyway, according to what the child needs. If it's working for the moment, though, no need to worry.

chocolatepuff Fri 07-Dec-12 20:59:41

Thanks solidgold. And you all. Feel better about leaving it as it as now

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