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DH Christmas "lunch" round 2

(15 Posts)
OnlyMe1971 Wed 05-Dec-12 21:59:57

Sorry to bother you all with this not very important moan but I just wanted to get this off my chest. DH had his department Christmas Lunch last week, a really boozy affair, started at 12 and he rolled in home at 7:30, quite drunk but still functioning. NOt as bad as last year where he came home from one lunch at 10pm completely hammered and he had cycled 10 k home so I was worried about him falling off his bike.

Tomorrow is another such lunch, another boozy affair and I am just fecking fed up to the teeth of it now. I have asked him to be home by 7 as I want to go to the gym but now I feel guilty about it and he makes me feel that way, he has this way of doing it silently that always makes me feel like I'm being unreasonable. I HATE the way that makes me feel.... grrrrr!

He doesn't do it on a regular basis but when he does start drinking he doesn't seem to know when to stop, then inevitably gets a cold each time afterwards too. Last year he was hoarse for 3 days after his so called lunch.

Sorry just had to vent this out....

BranchingOut Wed 05-Dec-12 22:05:42

I don't really see the problem if it is a Christmas lunch and he comes home worse for wear at 7.30pm.

That is a normal time to arrive home, surely?

Cycling home is irresponsible, but apart from that...

WipsGlitter Wed 05-Dec-12 22:07:23

Do you get to go on a work lunch or night out? Ours is next week and it would be really hard to not go, as in you're pretty much expected to go.

OnlyMe1971 Wed 05-Dec-12 22:09:55

No night out for us, I am going for lunch with some friends but it's not boozy, just a meet up for a few hours. I suppose I just don't see why binge drinking seems to be a given on events like these. I would never get myself into such a state (well I used to pre kids but not anymore ; )
It's not important really, I just feel a bit pissed off that once again I'm the one feeling guilty even though he is the one going on the P!

HollyBerryBush Wed 05-Dec-12 22:25:32

Go to the gym another day, thats moveable.

ImperialBlether Wed 05-Dec-12 22:55:37

I think you're a bit mean saying he has to curb what he's doing so that you can go to the gym. He can't really change the date of an event like that, where you can obviously go to the gym on a different day.

Is it that you feel his life hasn't changed as much since having children, whereas yours has?

I wouldn't like him regularly coming home drunk but if it was a once in a while thing and he wasn't completely bladdered and it wasn't really late, then I'd be absolutely fine.

Wips - that "expected" to go rubbish is just that, rubbish. OK, it's at lunch, so go for lunch and then go back to the office or home at 5pm. My old firm - major international insurance company - used to have huge parties and weekends away and I was told it would be frowned upon if I didn't go. I never went to any of them and still ended up youngest assistant manager in the whole of the UK when I was 24.

Only - I can understand you being a bit cheesed off. I think once you get to a certain age binge drinking is a bit sad (in fact, I think it's pointless at any age). But if he isn't doing this regularly, goes get home at a reasonable hour, I think you probably just have to let it go. You could have a boozy night out with the girls if you wanted but say you don't do that anymore, but that's your choice. You can't really feel guilty if it's something you don't want to do anyway.

CogitOCrapNotMoreSprouts Thu 06-Dec-12 09:27:17

Blimey.... gets a bit squiffy once a year and you're 'fed up to the teeth'????? Here's a thought. Put the local taxi company's calling card in his top pocket & write off the whole day. That way he can let his hair down and not get killed cycling hime...

I got home from my work xmas lunch at 1.35am

Dh made me drink a glass of water and put a washing bowl next to the bed for me

RooneyMara Thu 06-Dec-12 09:43:58

I'm with you OP and I understand.

It's good he doesn't make a habit of it but on this one day, it makes you feel alone, and that he is out of control (you say hedoesn't know when to stop)

Have you spoken to him about whether he enjoys it - and why he feels it's Ok to get plastered? Have an honest conversation...I've never done the whole binge drinking thing, I just don't get the point of it or want to lose my reason on occasion in the cause of 'celebrating' - it makes no sense to me at all.

Having a drink and some social time with colleagues and friends is of course a really nice thing.
Getting beyond drunk is not necessary or, probably, very enjoyable to most adults. (may be wrong there)

Anyway I understand and though yes, there are worse examples of drinking on here daily, it makes you feel resentful and uncomfortable and you need to reach a compromise somehow before it gets any worse.

Talk to him x

homeofhelp Thu 06-Dec-12 10:17:10

Its not an every day thing so whats the problem? And he is a grown man whst right do you have to tell him to come home? I go out when i do my partner looks after my daughter. but never gives me a time to come home. I also dont give him a time to come home. But we dont sleep till the other is home.

RooneyMara Thu 06-Dec-12 10:23:03

The OP doesn't feel comfortable with it - and when someone's pissed, it does have an impact on the family and on their partner.

many people are clearly fine with it and would want and expect to do the same themselves every now and then. Fair enough.

But if one of you thinks it's '#normal' and the other finds it unsettling, then honestly, it needs to be discussed and sorted out.

I'd hate it if I had a partner who got drunk, even once a year - a bit tipsy, Ok, but drunk, no. I would feel invisible and like I didn't matter. That's just me - I know others don't feel that way, or threatened by it.

If the OP does, she has a right to say so, and hopefully she can reach a compromise with her DH.

nickyboo Thu 06-Dec-12 14:36:57

You're being made to feel guilty ? Quite right too... I'd feel like a right boss if I told the DH to be home from his Xmas do by 7 because I wanted to go to the gym...Go to the gym another day ! There are no curfews in our house mainly because we're grown adults and not 12 years old. If DH ever told me to be home at a certain time ,unless there was a very good reason (and so that you could go to the gym would definitley not count as one in my book ) , he'd be told where to go.

What's the problem with him letting his hair down and having a few drinks at Xmas time ?. You've said yourself that he doesn't do it regularly. I agree that cycling 10k home while hammered is not to be recommnded, but apart from that I don't see the problem and think you're being a bit dictorial. Sorry.

OnlyMe1971 Thu 06-Dec-12 21:39:42

Hi everyone, thanks for the replies, I did read today but was at work so didn't have a chance to respond. THanks for the support and I take on board what others have said too about me being dictatorial. You're probably right I was feeling a bit like that yesterday as I'd just had a really tough day with the kids, I work 2.5 days and then look after the 3 DS aged 6,4 and 2 on the other days and sometimes it's just non stop, ongoing demands being made of me. At the moment they are poorly so that's not helping matters and I'm just watching the clock absolutely dying for DH to get home in the evenings. He has a laid back job, gets well paid, loads of free time, he works out on his lunch breaks and goes out regularly with friends too. So he doesn't have it all that bad : )
Anyway, I was just venting yesterday as yet again I couldn't go to the gym cos the kids werne't well and so I was just feeling a bit fed up.
DH went to his lunch at 12 and he got home at 8 which was fine. I didn't mind and he deserves to let his hair down of course, it's just oftne in the past especially at the beginningg of our relationship he drank a LOT, too much, so it was a bit of an issue. DH is the type of guy who would be the last lingering person at a party and would have to be told to leave, he has NO sense of that kinda thing, so that's what he has me for : )

Anyway, thanks for lsitening x

RooneyMara Fri 07-Dec-12 07:44:39

Well the extra information makes a lot of difference imo - and I still think you're being reasonable. It sounds like he gets a lot more time off than you do.

Is there any way that could be sorted with a bit of a discussion?
Anyway glad you feel Ok now...hope the kids are better soon, mine have both been up all night coughing and are off school today so I understand smile

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