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"Men do better out of marriage than women."

(81 Posts)
Farlalalala Wed 05-Dec-12 16:51:05

This is a view I've seen expressed on here a few times, and I was wondering - is it a common view held by many people on here/IRL? Because, unless you are married to a twat who takes you for granted - which is obviously a problem - then I don't see how men do better out of marriage than women, nowadays.

BertieBotts Sat 08-Dec-12 23:34:32

I've been thinking about this thread; sorry for the late addition!

I have been thinking about how, culturally/in terms of society and attitudes etc, marriage is seen as more of an option for men whereas it's more of an essential for women.

So, while marriage is a choice for either sex, the alternatives are wildly different. If a man never marries then that's a perfectly fine thing in the eyes of society, whereas for women it's seen as more of a terrible predicament. So, of course, the goal becomes marriage in order to avoid that terrible predicament, consciously or not, whereas for men it's a more equal choice; marriage with a woman that he loves and makes him happy, or eternal bachelorhood which might be lonely at times, but at least he'll probably have friends, a career, etc, and he won't have to put up with a wife he doesn't like.

That's why I think it's important to keep reiterating the idea that it's okay to be a single woman, it's not some terrible fate, it is, in fact, preferable to being in a shit marriage. Women can be eternal bachelors too and have friends, a career, children if they want them, and not have to put up with a husband they don't like! Although it seems ludicrous, there is still a double standard.

I think it's also the reason why it's okay to question relationships, certainly not a bad thing. I still find there's a lot of hostility to this kind of suggestion, though. I suppose because it's not nice to think that people doubt your relationship, but if something happens that makes you look twice at something or something happens to make the relationship "rocky" that's not necessarily a bad thing IMO. If there are issues to expose then it's best to get them to the surface and either sort them out or work out that they're unsortable, sooner rather than later.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 09-Dec-12 02:12:56

Great post Bertie

You are right Bertie and it happens going out of a marriage as well as going in. I'm sure my first husband didn't feel he had 'failed' when our marriage ended. I did though.

ClippedPhoenix Sun 09-Dec-12 03:44:14

Of course they would it stands to reason.

A servant makes for a happy life!

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Sun 09-Dec-12 09:08:58

Bertie: That's partly a hangover from the days when it was a dreadful fate to be an unmarried woman, because women working for pay was almost unheard of, and unmarried women who didn't have handy male protectors in the shape of fathers or brothers were pretty much seen as fair game for predators.

Again, this is the way men designed marriage - being owned by one man was safer for women, Freedom and autonomy, oh no dear you don't want those...

Yama Mon 10-Dec-12 18:12:16

You know, I don't know if we are moving backwards or if I some sort of freak who has operated outside of the norm all my life.

I can see all of this, everything SGB and Bertie and others on this thread have posted about but I don't feel it.

I was always happy single, I never wanted to marry, I had a child on my own (from pregnancy) and I have never felt judged or pressured. I have resisted my identity being linked to my relationships. To channel the Prisoner, 'I am not a couple, I am a free woman.' Or something.

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