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Dh called me a fucking cunt.

(49 Posts)
sallyanne06 Mon 03-Dec-12 11:53:58

Yesterday. He was getting ready to leave for London for work yesterday..(He stays in london Mon-thursday sometimes leaving sunday night) So he was in a mood because he hates going on a sunday.
He was in upstairs bathroom and I was outside on landing ironing his shirt. DD aged 12 was coming up the stairs and he shouted at her to go get him mouthwash from down stairs bathroom. She asked him where abouts it was...He shouted "Just open your eyes and look" As he was standing next to me nearly burst my eardrum.

I turned to him and calmly said "please dont shout, she is asking because its dark in the bathroom"..(lights broke)

He glared at me and stormed back in the bathroom shouthing "fucking cunt"

DD Shouted up the stairs "dont say that to mum" and DH poked head round door glaring at me and said to me "you just cant help yourself can you"

He got in shower..i finished ironing shirt and pretended to dd that i was fine. We sat in car in silence on way to train station. I felt relief when he got out and dd and I chatted happily all the way home.
But I cant stop thinking about it and hearing the nasty way he said it. He has called me that maybe twice before in our 20 years together.
I have had no apology, no text, no email, iam not even going to pick up if he calls me this week.
Please be gentle..feeling fragile today...Am I over reacting to THAT word?

SpoonyFuckersWife Mon 03-Dec-12 11:56:42

He is the fucking cunt. Disgusting behaviour.

Adviceinscotland Mon 03-Dec-12 11:57:23

No you're not over reacting, it's a horrible thing to say but I'm not sure the cold shoulder approach is best.

I would have to text or email to say exactly how I felt then take it from there (see what his reply is)

How are things usually? Is that totally out of character or is there any other abusive traits?

Doshusallie Mon 03-Dec-12 11:58:50

No you are not.

Now don't get me wrong - my DH has explosions of swearing at me when he is really riled, I hate it and I never swear at him - but in the heat of a row he does cross the line.

But in the circumstances you describe, he was completely out of order. Particularly in ear shot of your daughter. I think you are right to withdraw from him. He needs to apologise and mean it.

BOFingSanta Mon 03-Dec-12 12:00:04

This sounds very hard to believe, coming out of nowhere like that. I don't think you would be over-reacting to chuck his stuff in a binbag, tbh.

Guiltypleasures001 Mon 03-Dec-12 12:00:47

Hi op

the words fuck you iron your own fecking shirt, then let him crawl back and apologise, he needs to be more organised for this not to happen, and you can help him do this, by not organising another damn thing for him.

sallyanne06 Mon 03-Dec-12 12:04:35

He can be a bully. He is always always right. If you asked him he would tell you. He has never been wrong in his life. He normally calls me idiot and thats bad enough but cunt just about killed me for some reason. I realise that sounds crazy. He can be pleasant and then something will start him off. He wont say sorry because its always my fault. I just keep my mouth shut if he gets like that. I learned arguing back gets me nowhere about 15 years ago.

ohfunnyface Mon 03-Dec-12 12:09:32

That is horrible, just utterly horrible. I'm so pleased your daughter stuck up for you, but so sad she heard it sad

Have things been bad for a while? Is it possible he's seeing someone else, hence his vitriolic explosion at you?

So sorry you've had this happen and I agree- ignore him this week.

ohfunnyface Mon 03-Dec-12 12:12:13

Oh you sound so beaten down- it's not too late. He only behaves like this because he knows he can. You should be with someone who actually wants to be with you, not someone who is so vile and nasty. If you're so terrible- why hasn't he left?! I imagine because you're actually lovely and he enjoys lauding it over you.

I've never called anyone that in my entire life. Although I appreciate others don't seem to mind it.

How sad that you realised 15 years ago that he was like this and he can be a bully but that you decided to stay with him. He sounds awful, I'm afraid, and I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour. No matter how much shit I've been through at times, I may get moody and snappy occasionally, but I've never spoken to a partner in an offensive way - in fact, barely even had a row.

PeppermintPasty Mon 03-Dec-12 12:12:38

I'm pretty laid back about swearing, and me and DP do swear in conversation now and again, but the thing we don't do is swear like this at each other and we don't call each other vile stuff like this. I don't think you're overreacting. If such a piece of venom was directed at me, and I thought he really meant what he said, I would be re-evaluating the whole relationship because it so utterly horrible and disrespectful.

Only you know if it was a stupid and thoughtless explosion (still bad imo), or a reflection of his deepest feelings about you.

PeppermintPasty Mon 03-Dec-12 12:14:03

Just seen your last post. He calls you an idiot? What a charmless piece of work he is.

puddock Mon 03-Dec-12 12:16:25

This - shouting, swearing, bullying, ludicrous attempts to blame others for their own bad behaviour - sounds like the sort of thing you might just about forgive your teenager for. From an adult, father, partner? Not acceptable.

PurtyDarnFine Mon 03-Dec-12 12:18:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aPirateInaPearTree Mon 03-Dec-12 12:19:09

i feel for you op. that's bloody pitiful calling someone that, with such vitriol.

it's absolutely disgusting. I would not stay with a man like that, your poor dd. It sounds as tho he has brainwashed you to behave abnormally towards his foul behaviour.

How does xmas with just you and dd sound. i really would pack his stuff.

NO MORE surely sad

ouryve Mon 03-Dec-12 12:20:14

No, no you are not over reacting. The words themselves are nasty enough, but the way he said them to you shows he has very little respect for you. I don't care how much he hates working away - no one deserves to be talked to like that.

Lueji Mon 03-Dec-12 12:21:18

What ohfunny said Oh you sound so beaten down

In normal conditions, I'd have stopped ironing his shirt right then.

I don't think you are over reacting at all. It's not so much the word, as the attitude, really.
And from what you say he is really like, then is it worth it, really?

PretzelTime Mon 03-Dec-12 12:22:12

You don't sound crazy OP.
He sounds like a man who doesn't deserve to celebrate xmas with you and your DD.

ouryve Mon 03-Dec-12 12:22:49

Just to add, I left the H who spoke to me like that and made out that it was my fault. It's not a healthy way to live.

BOFingSanta Mon 03-Dec-12 12:22:53

Are you saying that he has been violent to you in the past?

Arthurfowlersallotment Mon 03-Dec-12 12:26:13

Your first step should be to stop ironing the cunt's shirts.

And then kick his odious arse out of your house and tell him to stay in London. I would not accept treatment like this.

rockinaroundthebadtasteflump Mon 03-Dec-12 12:26:58

OP that's disgusting. Bad enough without your DD being there to hear it sad

And you sound completely worn down by it - not surprisingly.

You say arguing back gets you nowhere, but where does putting up with it get you? Can you think of any positives of actually being with him at all?

sallyanne06 Mon 03-Dec-12 12:28:35

Never violent. Just put downs, names, glares, How does he put up with me type conversations. He shouts a lot. I frustrate and anger him beause Iam not a perfect human being. Everything is always my fault. I avoid certain topics, like our leaking roof (tht we cant seem to fix) Because he shouts and lectures and call me an idiot for not getting it sorted.

PeppermintPasty Mon 03-Dec-12 12:32:03

What do you want sallyanne? Do you want him in your life (he will always be the dc's Dad)? How is all this making you feel. You sound like you have accepted your lot?

ouryve Mon 03-Dec-12 12:32:03

He might not be hitting you, but really, I can't say enough, that IS no way to live, sallyanne. He might not be violent, but the way he's treating you IS abusive.

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